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Posts by Seirin
Joined: Nov 8, 2011
Last Post: Nov 8, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  

From: Frankfurt

Displayed posts: 2
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Seirin   
Nov 8, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Racism. Violence. Crime. AIDS.' - Common App [2]

I really like your essay! I think it says a lot about you and your way of thinking.
The only thing that's not clear enough in my opinion is why you went to south africa. I know you say it was because you wanted to take a risk, but maybe you could make it clearer, or give some examples about something positive you heard about south africa. Otherwise it sounds like you just wanted to go anywhere to take a risk, and chose South Africa at random. I'm sure you had a reason why you went to South Africa and not Pakistan.

Otherwise it is a very good essay.

As a title you could have something about the world being your home, and not just a single country :)
Seirin   
Nov 8, 2011
Undergraduate / Common app about exchange year in Japan [2]

Hi guys! I'm a Us Citizen living in Germany and applying for college in the US. I would really appreciate it if you could give me feedback on my essay. Are there any parts that aren't understandable, or that don't fit? Are there any spelling or grammar mistakes? I'm also wondering if I should list the essay under "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you", or under "topic of my choice". Any feedback would be very much appreciated!

Ever since I was a child I wanted to study a year abroad. I had it all planned out. I would be going to the United States, living with a typical American host family and going to High School. I was so focused on this plan that it didn't occur to me that the exchange program wouldn't let me go to the US because I am an American, even though I live in Germany. However, there was a list of countries I could go to. I had to rethink. Why did I want to spend a year abroad? I wanted to experience something new and learn about a different culture. I also wanted do something adventurous. So I went away for a year: to Japan. Even though it was probably one of the most difficult paths I could've taken, it was definitely the best one for me.

I was fifteen when I left to live with my Japanese host family, Tetsuo and Yumiko and their daughters Fuko and Kirika, in Wakayama. It was tough: they scarcely knew a word of English, knew no German, and at first I couldn't speak any Japanese. On top of that I was almost 6000 miles and seven time zones away from home. Of course, there wasn't only the language barrier, there were also huge cultural differences. Japanese customs and traditions are just so different from European or American ones! For instance, every night, before the traditional Japanese bath, everyone showers. TVs are everywhere: the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom and the car, just to name a few places. I really started to understand why Japan is called the Land of Technology! I learned that every tradition has its own value in Japanese culture and I knew I not only had to accept these traditions but also understand them and honor them in order to become a part of Japanese life around me. I had to learn about them in order to understand them.

Learning Japanese became a necessity. It wasn't easy and it took a while, but after a few months I became fluent in it. I worked at learning Japanese so hard that I even won a state wide speech contest, talking about Germany in Japanese. It was one of the best feelings I ever had! I learned that if I really applied myself, I could do anything.

Of course, I don't have just good memories about Japan. I learned what it means to be a foreigner in rural Japan. It was as if I suddenly had grown an extra arm or a third eye. Everywhere I went people stared at me, pointing and whispering. They prejudged me because I was a foreigner. But this bad experience taught me something: When approaching something new, or meeting someone for the first time, don't be prejudiced.

I had a wonderful year and I didn't just learn about Japan, but I also learned a lot about myself.
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