Graduate / 'I decided to pursue Finance' - MBA Application Personal Statement [NEW]

Hey guys, I was wondering what you guys thought of the following essay? I would love some thoughts on grammar, flow, and strengths/weaknesses. Also, do you guys think I am specific enough about my experiences. Should I expand on things I have done? I was told it doesn't have a major "theme." Do you agree?

Thanks in advance and I will definitely look over anyone's essay that reviews mine! :)

- Briefly describe your short-term and long-term career goals. Why are you choosing to pursue an MBA at this time in your career, and what are you hoping to accomplish by doing so?

- Why are you interested in pursuing an MBA at the Carlson School of Management?
- What do you feel makes you a strong candidate for the program? How will you contribute to the MBA Program overall?

"Please someone help, please!" Those were the words that came out of my mouth as my 67- year-old grandfather lay motionless in front of me, gasping for breath. We were in Cancun, Mexico, snorkeling in a remote area on a family vacation when, suddenly, my grandfather went into cardiac arrest. We were isolated, and we needed help. I sprinted across the beach, my screams echoing, in search of help when a complete stranger came to my grandfather's aid. Without hesitation or any exchange of words, this stranger, a heart specialist, fell to his knees and started CPR. It took over two excruciating hours for the ambulance to arrive - unprepared. That afternoon I witnessed a Healthcare system that was under-staffed, over-worked, and dysfunctional - it contributed to the death of my grandfather. Returning back home, to the United States, I was in shock and could barely comprehend the preceding events. I began to research the Healthcare system, determined to find that my experience was an outlier, a rare and unfathomable occurrence. To my dismay, I discovered that American Healthcare was equally substandard and that my personal experience was more common than I wanted to believe.

I was determined to make my grandfathers tragedy and death meaningful. Furthermore, I wanted to be certain that such a tragedy would never happen again. I was fueled by this experience to learn more and to develop the necessary skills to, one day, contribute to a changing Healthcare system. I was, and still am, convinced that our Healthcare system is capable of doing more and providing better healthcare through measurement, accountability, and leadership.

With this conviction, I decided to pursue Finance, in addition to fulfilling my pre-med requirements, as my undergraduate degree at the Carlson School of Management. Yes, you heard me correctly, I decided to pursue Finance. At this point you may be asking yourself the question that I have been asked a thousand times before, "Why Finance?" To me, it was obvious - by integrating Business and Science, I saw an opportunity to improve the safety of patients by creating a more efficient Healthcare system. In America we spend more money per capita on healthcare with less significant results. I discovered, through my mom's diagnosis of breast cancer in 2010, that our system lacked measurement, leadership, and standards. Ten doctors offered 10 different surgeries for her mastectomy, each said that their method was the best. How could that be? I realized, after her surgery, that each doctor had no way of comparing their methods, they really did think their methods were the best.

I came to the realization that being a Healthcare provider, with only healthcare knowledge, was not enough. The Healthcare system needs leaders that have acquired a toolbox of managerial, financial, and statistical skills in order to be successful. Without these skills it is comparable to asking a blind person to describe an elephant, an animal he never felt before, with a single touch. It is an impossible task and one would never expect one to fully grasp the full picture, only a part. The Carlson School of Management, through my Finance major, has provided me with the toolbox needed to understand the healthcare system in its depth and complexity.

Utilizing this toolbox throughout my undergraduate career I was able to integrate my business and science knowledge, while applying them to my work at the Arnold S. Leonard Cancer Research Lab, the VA Medical Center, my Fraternity, my tutoring business, and a t-shirt company I was involved with. At the Cancer Lab I discovered an inefficiency in the way they searched for cell cultures and helped build an electronic cell freezer database, which resulted in a substantial decrease in wasted labor hours. I was already proving how my passion for business and science could be integrated and applied in a systematic approach - but it was only a start.

So you ask, "What is next? What are your future goals?" Well, it has always been clear to myself that I want to be challenged and immersed in the battle field of intelligence, which is the place where communication skills, management knowledge, and leaders win wars... and save lives. For the last 4 years I have been preparing myself for the intellectual battles that take place in the healthcare field by organizing my toolbox, adding new tools, and learning the best techniques to deploy my skills. I believe that the MBA program, in addition to the MHA program, will allow me to reach my goals of becoming a driver, not a passenger, of Healthcare.

If accepted into both programs I see myself, in 3 years, being a Fellow for a large hospitals, while deploying the new tools that both programs will provide me with. The MBA program will complete my personal package and lead me to reaching my ultimate goal of one day becoming a Healthcare leader that paves the way towards a better and brighter future within the Healthcare system by applying a systematic business approach.

I think it is obvious why I am applying to the Carlson School of Management. Between all of the top tier business schools within the nation, Carlson School of Management is one of the only schools that offers a serious, integrated, and practical MHA/MBA program. With the schools vast devoted alumni base, focused curriculum, strong international presence, and impressive link between academics and real-life practice, it is hard to imagine being anywhere else. Simply put, the environment at Carlson School of Management is something special, unparalleled elsewhere.

I strongly believe that my diverse academic success, between medicine and finance, represent my commitment towards life-long learning and the future of healthcare within a dynamically changing field. In today's medical and business environment I have discovered it to be useful and in many ways essential to have a solid foundation of knowledge in a diverse group of topics. With an incredible amount of today's health issues relating to efficiency and cost reduction, I believe that a healthcare delivery leader with a business background will be prepared for the future of medicine.