nini89
Dec 7, 2011
Writing Feedback / The Achievement of Desire, response paper [2]
I have to revise this paper for my English 101 class, the whole English faculty will look at the original and revised version and decide if its worth passing or not. I've always struggled with going back to a paper I have already written and changing it. I am stuck, every time I read it I don't know what to revise, except for the ending, I know that needs work.
** note, teachers comment on my paper, "Personal connection and praise are good, but you should take your readers INTO your thoughts and let your thoughts develop by communicating them, this would be a great paper to revise for your portfolio, if you can deepen and personalize your response"-- Not sure I can do that!
Any help I can get will be greatly appreciated, please do try to focus on the revising part not so much editing that is what they will be looking for, pretty much a brand new paper. UGH :(
This is a response paper based on an article we had to read
Richard Rodriguez is a doctor of literature who earned his PhD at the University of California, Berkeley. He wrote a book titled The Hunger of Memory, and in the section of his book called "The Achievement of Desire" he challenges readers to rethink the way we view education, stating that most, if not all of us go through a change or transformation once our educational career starts. He specially focuses his attention, to what Rodriguez's refers to the 'scholarship boy", whom he describes as being a child of a low income family with no previous educational background, as well as being from a minority group.
He explains how profoundly education affects the scholarship boy, and how almost from the very start the scholarship boy has the notion of how powerful education can be and the way it can reshape someone's life. Something that according to Rodriguez many children are not aware of, and never learned to achieve that level of knowledge as to what education can really do for an individual. Yet he goes on to talk about the turmoil the scholarship boy must go through adjusting to two very different setting, the one of being in school, and home life. Ultimately realizing that they are two separate worlds that can't really be intertwined, and coming to the realization that in order for the scholarship boy (in this case Rodriguez himself as a child) to become an educated man he must keep education and home apart to the point of alienating himself from his family and consequently his origins.
If I had the opportunity to speak with Rodriguez I would thank him for such a powerful article, the way he explains growing up in a lower class Hispanic family and trying to be a good student at the same time was like I was reading something I wrote. One of the first things I felt a connection with was when he says " Perhaps as easily as the night he brings home an assignment from school and finds the house too noisy for study" this sentence goes along with him talking about how early the scholarship boy learns the differences about school and home. I felt that sentence had a great impact on me, bringing forth many memories of the times I tried asking my family to be quiet when I was trying to study.
But maybe the most powerful part of Rodriguez account was his courage to admit that he once felt embarrassed by his parents. He says "He cannot afford to admire his parents. (How could he and still pursue such a contrary life?) He permits himself embarrassment at their lack of education. And to evade nostalgia for the life he has lost, he concentrates on the benefits education will bestow upon him." Perhaps if I had never read that paragraph I would never truthfully and shamefully admit to myself that this is exactly how I feel about my family. And although knowing someone else has gone through the same kind of experience doesn't take away the guilt of having those thoughts of embarrassments, it is a breath of fresh air to know I am not the only one who has ever felt that way.
I feel I am what Rodriguez calls the scholarship boy, but unlike Rodriguez who was about 30 when he came to the full realization of what it had meant for him to become an educated man, the life he lost all those years, and the way education drifted him away from his family. I am only 22 and I feel extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to read "The Achievement of Desire" which has lead me to contemplate on my own view of education, how it has changed me, and how it has changed the way I feel about my family.
I could write many pages on this article as it might very well be one of the most inspirational and important pieces of literature I have read. This is definitely an article I will read many more times, and I'm looking forward to reading the entire book.
I have to revise this paper for my English 101 class, the whole English faculty will look at the original and revised version and decide if its worth passing or not. I've always struggled with going back to a paper I have already written and changing it. I am stuck, every time I read it I don't know what to revise, except for the ending, I know that needs work.
** note, teachers comment on my paper, "Personal connection and praise are good, but you should take your readers INTO your thoughts and let your thoughts develop by communicating them, this would be a great paper to revise for your portfolio, if you can deepen and personalize your response"-- Not sure I can do that!
Any help I can get will be greatly appreciated, please do try to focus on the revising part not so much editing that is what they will be looking for, pretty much a brand new paper. UGH :(
This is a response paper based on an article we had to read
Richard Rodriguez is a doctor of literature who earned his PhD at the University of California, Berkeley. He wrote a book titled The Hunger of Memory, and in the section of his book called "The Achievement of Desire" he challenges readers to rethink the way we view education, stating that most, if not all of us go through a change or transformation once our educational career starts. He specially focuses his attention, to what Rodriguez's refers to the 'scholarship boy", whom he describes as being a child of a low income family with no previous educational background, as well as being from a minority group.
He explains how profoundly education affects the scholarship boy, and how almost from the very start the scholarship boy has the notion of how powerful education can be and the way it can reshape someone's life. Something that according to Rodriguez many children are not aware of, and never learned to achieve that level of knowledge as to what education can really do for an individual. Yet he goes on to talk about the turmoil the scholarship boy must go through adjusting to two very different setting, the one of being in school, and home life. Ultimately realizing that they are two separate worlds that can't really be intertwined, and coming to the realization that in order for the scholarship boy (in this case Rodriguez himself as a child) to become an educated man he must keep education and home apart to the point of alienating himself from his family and consequently his origins.
If I had the opportunity to speak with Rodriguez I would thank him for such a powerful article, the way he explains growing up in a lower class Hispanic family and trying to be a good student at the same time was like I was reading something I wrote. One of the first things I felt a connection with was when he says " Perhaps as easily as the night he brings home an assignment from school and finds the house too noisy for study" this sentence goes along with him talking about how early the scholarship boy learns the differences about school and home. I felt that sentence had a great impact on me, bringing forth many memories of the times I tried asking my family to be quiet when I was trying to study.
But maybe the most powerful part of Rodriguez account was his courage to admit that he once felt embarrassed by his parents. He says "He cannot afford to admire his parents. (How could he and still pursue such a contrary life?) He permits himself embarrassment at their lack of education. And to evade nostalgia for the life he has lost, he concentrates on the benefits education will bestow upon him." Perhaps if I had never read that paragraph I would never truthfully and shamefully admit to myself that this is exactly how I feel about my family. And although knowing someone else has gone through the same kind of experience doesn't take away the guilt of having those thoughts of embarrassments, it is a breath of fresh air to know I am not the only one who has ever felt that way.
I feel I am what Rodriguez calls the scholarship boy, but unlike Rodriguez who was about 30 when he came to the full realization of what it had meant for him to become an educated man, the life he lost all those years, and the way education drifted him away from his family. I am only 22 and I feel extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to read "The Achievement of Desire" which has lead me to contemplate on my own view of education, how it has changed me, and how it has changed the way I feel about my family.
I could write many pages on this article as it might very well be one of the most inspirational and important pieces of literature I have read. This is definitely an article I will read many more times, and I'm looking forward to reading the entire book.