georgewang
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Hi, I'm You' - Ivy League Common App [3]
thank you! does anyone else have suggestions?
thank you! does anyone else have suggestions?
georgewang
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / ' At this new school' - Education Interruption Essay- Common App [3]
[It seems that since I started high school, I was searching for a school that was a better fit, but in a town as small as mine, my options were less than plentiful- making this no easy task.]-wordy
You can try combining the first two clauses, "I have been searching for a high school that was a better fit ever since I started school". Gets rid of the passive voice as well.
[Having never had such a calamity enter my life...]-confusing
"Never having such a calamity enter my life, I..." Puts it in the active voice as well.
[I again searched for an academic alternative, this time to be able to distance myself from a social world that was still too much to deal with.]-second phrase is confusing and wordy
"I again searched for an academic alternative that would distance myself away from..."
[ I found teachers who cared]-little thing
"I found caring teachers..."
That's about it. I'm not the best editor, but this looks good so far!
[It seems that since I started high school, I was searching for a school that was a better fit, but in a town as small as mine, my options were less than plentiful- making this no easy task.]-wordy
You can try combining the first two clauses, "I have been searching for a high school that was a better fit ever since I started school". Gets rid of the passive voice as well.
[Having never had such a calamity enter my life...]-confusing
"Never having such a calamity enter my life, I..." Puts it in the active voice as well.
[I again searched for an academic alternative, this time to be able to distance myself from a social world that was still too much to deal with.]-second phrase is confusing and wordy
"I again searched for an academic alternative that would distance myself away from..."
[ I found teachers who cared]-little thing
"I found caring teachers..."
That's about it. I'm not the best editor, but this looks good so far!
georgewang
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Hi, I'm You' - Ivy League Common App [3]
Hello, my name is George Wang, (important to know, you'll see) and I want to use this essay for prompt #6 on the Common App. The prompt is something like "choose your own topic".
Thanks in advance!
(I'm applying to Ivy League and similar schools.)
Hi, I'm You
You might be wondering how in the world I received the name "George" if I was born in China. Not surprisingly, George is not my real first name. My current middle name, Yue, is actually my original name. This name change occurred because of a rather interesting series of events.
I moved to the United States from Beijing, China when I was four years old. I could not speak, read, or write in English. Not only did I not understand the language of the people in this strange country, but I also did not understand anything about the culture. You can imagine how terrifying the first day of preschool was for me. It did not help that everyone pronounced my name incorrectly; they all called me "you". (Describing how to pronounce it correctly is quite difficult. It sounds like "yueh" or" yeuh".) When I first heard the mispronunciation, I remember being shocked, but as an oblivious little tyke, I quickly got over it. It was not until elementary school until it started to irritate me.
I was about six or seven years old when I found out that the mispronunciation of my name was starting to be used condescendingly. My peers would yell "you" at me as if I were their pet. It was just childish banter, but I could not stand it back then. I began trying to correct people, but Americans, who lack the necessary accent, are just not able to pronounce my name. As my classmates and I grew a little older, people started to recognize that saying "you" and my last name produced an extremely funny phrase. (Try it now.) Funnily enough, it took awhile for me to understand what made it so amusing. Before that though, I would always grow upset whenever someone made that joke. When my parents and I finally realized that no one, including adults, could withstand the hilarity of my name, we decided a name change would be appropriate. Now how did I choose George?
The first two things I learned in English were "McDonald's" and "George Washington". Ok, those were maybe not my first English words, but they are still important to know. The first president I learned about was the first president himself. Every child in this country probably knows about George Washington. He was one of the first, great, American heroes, and he perfectly represented the American dream that lured my parents to this country. I idolized him, and I even wanted to become the president (until I discovered that I could not be president). Choosing George as my new name was a brilliant idea because my parents wanted a less-common name, and my initials would match those of George Washington. At first, people found it difficult to call me something else, but they eventually grew accustomed to my new name. Years later, I officially changed my name to George, and Yue became my middle name. So to this day, I am still known as George. And to this day, I am still known to respond to someone calling me "you".
*I know this is not your typical college essay, but I think this perfectly shows who I am, and I am comfortable with using it.
Hello, my name is George Wang, (important to know, you'll see) and I want to use this essay for prompt #6 on the Common App. The prompt is something like "choose your own topic".
Thanks in advance!
(I'm applying to Ivy League and similar schools.)
Hi, I'm You
You might be wondering how in the world I received the name "George" if I was born in China. Not surprisingly, George is not my real first name. My current middle name, Yue, is actually my original name. This name change occurred because of a rather interesting series of events.
I moved to the United States from Beijing, China when I was four years old. I could not speak, read, or write in English. Not only did I not understand the language of the people in this strange country, but I also did not understand anything about the culture. You can imagine how terrifying the first day of preschool was for me. It did not help that everyone pronounced my name incorrectly; they all called me "you". (Describing how to pronounce it correctly is quite difficult. It sounds like "yueh" or" yeuh".) When I first heard the mispronunciation, I remember being shocked, but as an oblivious little tyke, I quickly got over it. It was not until elementary school until it started to irritate me.
I was about six or seven years old when I found out that the mispronunciation of my name was starting to be used condescendingly. My peers would yell "you" at me as if I were their pet. It was just childish banter, but I could not stand it back then. I began trying to correct people, but Americans, who lack the necessary accent, are just not able to pronounce my name. As my classmates and I grew a little older, people started to recognize that saying "you" and my last name produced an extremely funny phrase. (Try it now.) Funnily enough, it took awhile for me to understand what made it so amusing. Before that though, I would always grow upset whenever someone made that joke. When my parents and I finally realized that no one, including adults, could withstand the hilarity of my name, we decided a name change would be appropriate. Now how did I choose George?
The first two things I learned in English were "McDonald's" and "George Washington". Ok, those were maybe not my first English words, but they are still important to know. The first president I learned about was the first president himself. Every child in this country probably knows about George Washington. He was one of the first, great, American heroes, and he perfectly represented the American dream that lured my parents to this country. I idolized him, and I even wanted to become the president (until I discovered that I could not be president). Choosing George as my new name was a brilliant idea because my parents wanted a less-common name, and my initials would match those of George Washington. At first, people found it difficult to call me something else, but they eventually grew accustomed to my new name. Years later, I officially changed my name to George, and Yue became my middle name. So to this day, I am still known as George. And to this day, I am still known to respond to someone calling me "you".
*I know this is not your typical college essay, but I think this perfectly shows who I am, and I am comfortable with using it.
