Undergraduate / Alternate Personalities and Other Things About Me-Stanford Letter to Roommate Essay [8]

Dude, this essay is epic. Most college guides advise prospective students to avoid using comedy in their essays, but you are definitely an exception. Oddly enough, the personality that you portrayed reminds me a bit of myself. Keep up the good work.

Undergraduate / 'Soccer and jealousy' - common app essay! (elaborate on an extra-curricular) [5]

Don't freak out! The essay that you wrote is excellent and all that you have to do is to condense it. My suggestion is to start over again and use your existing essay as a guide. Hope this helps.

Scholarship / (involvment and contributions to your community) BILL GATES MILLENIUM SCHOLARSHIP [4]

Overall, your essay is very clear and concise. However, the sentence " So intense was their desire to learn." is awkward. Also, the sentence "On alternate weekends she drove us to the country and I helped teach women and girls how to read and write Arabic." should be "On alternate weekends she drove us to the country and I helped teach women and girls how to read and write in Arabic. "

Good Luck.

Undergraduate / When You Didn't Exist (M&Ms and Solipsism) - Common App Essay [8]

Your choice of topic will definitively stand out, so good job! My only suggestion is to modify your transition sentences in order to improve the flow of the essay.

BTW, thanks for reading my essay and good luck