Posts by martinger

martinger

Jan 4, 2012

Writing Feedback / Would you vote for moving your capital? IELTS [3]

One is that, how many paragraphs does your essay have? I mean I see some gapes between your sentences in each paragraph.

Only 2 1/2 paragraphs in general. One introduction and 2 paragraphs with a small one at the end (about the acceptance problem). For me, it was hard to find more topic sentences (I am working with Barron's IELTS preparation book and they call it General Ideas). For me, there are only 2 general ideas. A benefit, and a problem about the financial costs + acceptance of the people.

In other word, your introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion are not completely clear.

Yes, you are right. It is quite hard to write essays and find a clear structure. Tomorrow I will post another one with a different topic here in this thread.

An other is that, you have to avoid using contraction in academic writing. they're not --> they are not they wouldn't--> they would not

Thank! Did not know that. =)
kind regards from Germany.

martinger

Jan 3, 2012

Writing Feedback / Would you vote for moving your capital? IELTS [3]

Topic:
In many parts of the world and throughout history, governments have moved their capitals. Why would they do this? What are the potential problems and benefits? Would you vote for moving your capital.

Throughout the history of mankind, many capitals of countries have been moved by several reasons. However, moving a capital is maybe a good choice due to its benefits.

Apart from that, there are also several problems that can occur by moving the capital to a new place. I think, that these problems outweigh the benefits. Thus, I would vote against to move our capital.

Despite that I would vote against a moving, there are some good reasons doing it. One benefit can be the easier accessibility by the public, if the capital is moving to a central location within the country. The capital of Turkey for example, has been moved in the past from Istanbul to Ankara, which is a lot smaller but it is located centrally.

Even if this is pointless, another reason for moving could be a strategic one. In a case of war, a country can move the capital to avoid a hostile army reaching the capital faster.

However, without a risk of war in Central Europe these days, I see more problems than benefits in moving our capital. There would be a high amount of costs. And these costs would be paid by the tax payer, like myself.

Furthermore, many people working for the government would lose their jobs if they're not willing to move to the new capital. So the unemployment would increase in the old capital.

There is also an impact on the economy. Moving all the ministries could harm the economy of the old capital like the tourism industry, consulting firms and many others.

Also, there can be an acceptance problem by the people. Even if an election has been made, many people would not accept the new capital. Therefore they wouldn't visit the new capital.

All these problems outweigh the benefits and it would be a mistake moving the capital in our country.