Undergraduate / "the importance of my education" - Admission essay [6]

Hello and thank you for the service.
The following is my rough draft admission essay for FSU:

I did not learn the importance of my education until later in my high school career. It was in my junior year that I became serious about my grades having the realization that they represented the doorway to my future. I had to overcome many inner obstacles in order to accomplish so much in little time but I have been able to lift my GPA from 2.3 to an expected 3.5 for my senior year. I developed a determination to succeed which required conviction. I have been an active member of the Naval Junior Reserve Officer Training Corp, NJROTC, where I have earned many awards including the Armed Exhibition award requiring extensive training in coordination balance and endurance, as well as the Physical Fitness award which speaks for itself. I believe these accomplishments represent the meaning of "vires" as strengths of all kinds.

Being a member of NJROTC has also enabled me to develop my skills in the craft of rifling. What most attracted me to this challenge was the perfection which is demanded of its practitioners ? requiring a perfect entry score just to join. My personal interest in computer programming is what influenced me to pursue my college education in software engineering. I admire the creativity of the code written to develop software programs which are used in every electronic aspect of modern day life (including writing this essay). Creating software is my equivalent of a beautiful piece of artwork painted by a passionate artist.

"Mores" refers to character, a trait which is not spoken about, but demonstrated through action. I have had the opportunity to volunteer for worthy causes in my community including working at the Humane Society. I served the Indian River County Sheriff's Office by helping take care of children at the summer youth camp. I was proud to be recognized by my high school when I was presented with the Youth of Character Award for "commitment to the core values of trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship". I have been able to develop leadership skills when I served as "Overseer" for my platoon in NJROTC where I mentored cadets and was responsible for ensuring that Platoon Commanders and Instructors fulfilled the commitments of their duties and responsibilities. One of the most fulfilling accomplishments of civic duty for me was to volunteer for The Florida Department of Environmental Protection's (DEP) Office of Coastal and Aquatic Managed Areas. It was there I took part in helping the local environment where I live by planting mangroves and rebuilding nurseries.

I have learned and achieved a great deal in my junior and senior years of high school. I have enhanced my values which I feel represent the guiding "philosophies behind Florida State University".