nithyanag
Feb 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'quickly growing as biology' - Statement of Purpose Essay for Admission to Biology [3]
Hi!
The first line itself seems very limp. Try to think of some experience that you can link to your interest in this particular field.
Instead of saying "I first realized that I had a passion for biology my freshman year in high school.", try to explain your lab experiences with your biology teacher and how that inspired you to choose biology for further studies. Also mention some experiences of your AP Biology course.
If you have done any volunteer work, add that also. Connect it with how you feel strongly about helping people.
"What stood out to me through all the options I considered was that I wanted to work in science, and that I wanted to help people. Upon making the decision to become a doctor..." In these two sentences, you have not explained how you decided to become a doctor. I can understand that science and helping people = doctor. But use some other word instead of 'upon'. Something like, "What stood out to me through all the options I considered was that I wanted to work in science, and that I wanted to help people. The natural choice was to become a doctor..."
" It is my goal to work with people who have been diagnosed with such diseases in..."
I hope my comments are helpful! All the best! I will keep a lookout for further drafts from you :)
Hi!
The first line itself seems very limp. Try to think of some experience that you can link to your interest in this particular field.
Instead of saying "I first realized that I had a passion for biology my freshman year in high school.", try to explain your lab experiences with your biology teacher and how that inspired you to choose biology for further studies. Also mention some experiences of your AP Biology course.
If you have done any volunteer work, add that also. Connect it with how you feel strongly about helping people.
"What stood out to me through all the options I considered was that I wanted to work in science, and that I wanted to help people. Upon making the decision to become a doctor..." In these two sentences, you have not explained how you decided to become a doctor. I can understand that science and helping people = doctor. But use some other word instead of 'upon'. Something like, "What stood out to me through all the options I considered was that I wanted to work in science, and that I wanted to help people. The natural choice was to become a doctor..."
" It is my goal to work with people who have been diagnosed with such diseases in..."
I hope my comments are helpful! All the best! I will keep a lookout for further drafts from you :)
