zizi201
Dec 27, 2008
Undergraduate / Which version should I use? (major is for biology) [2]
This is for the common app essay: Topic of my choice.
I have two versions of the last paragraph, and I don't know which one is better. Can you tell me which one is better? Also is this one ok if my major is for biology? Thanks.
Ever since the day I was introduced to the nine (now eight) planets in our solar system in second grade, I have been fascinated by the mystery of the universe. I remember my science teacher showing my class a poster of the planets and my gaze falling on dense, black Mercury, golden sulfuric acid clouded Venus, and then to the colorful patterned, glowing Earth and dusty, red Mars; my eyes took in the sight of the beautifully striped Jupiter and the elegant rings of Saturn. I especially remember how enthralled I was by the bright turquoise of Uranus and glowing ocean blue of Neptune; and lastly, I chuckled at the tiny, dwarf Pluto. Their beauty first lured me in and then developed my curiosity in the workings of the universe.
For years, my parents and I sat outside on our porch after dinner: my parents enjoying the fresh night air and I stargazing. Looking up, I would see a glimmer here, a twinkle there, and then millions of tiny, bright diamonds shimmering against the black backdrop of the evening sky. Finally, in fifth grade, I had the opportunity to take a closer look at those stars when my parents surprised me with a three hundred dollar telescope for my birthday. I cannot even describe how thrilled I was that day. Almost every night afterwards, I would observe the sky, looking at moon phases and sometimes, to my delight, catching a glimpse of Andromeda, our nearest galaxy. I always tried to find Mars, mainly hoping to discover little green aliens.
My passion for astronomy fully developed when I decided one day that I wanted to learn why the universe is what it is. I spent most of my summers reading books such as A Universe in a Nutshell to understand the science behind the universe. However, that was not enough for me, so I delved into Scientific American magazines, educational websites, and finally an educational program I discovered in my junior year on the History Channel called The Universe.
What intrigued me about The Universe was learning about the chemical compositions of the stars and planets. I loved watching this television show because, besides the factual material about the stars and planets, it covered many of the unknown or theories such as black holes, the Big Bang theory, and the chances of discovering another planet with similar biological conditions for life as that on Earth. It was these ideas that urged me to develop a more inquisitive mind and transformed me into a more open-minded thinker.
In the summer after my junior year in high school, I enrolled in a physics course at De Anza College. The summer course was interesting yet fast-paced, but I was not deterred, especially when I discovered a section on the astrophysics that had so eluded me. In fact, these sections introduced some of my favorite astronomy topics!
I am proud to call astronomy my first passion, as it is the mother of all my other passions. What started as a childhood fascination has turned into a passion, and this unexpected childhood passion has helped me come to enjoy exploring my natural curiosity in all that surround us. Like a chain reaction, I have found a passion for chemistry and drawing through astronomy, biology through chemistry, linguistics through biology; I have discovered many wonderful areas of study that I never have believed would be of my interest. Through these years of immersing myself in a world of stars and planets, I have developed into a more well-rounded and open-minded individual. My infatuation with astronomy has taught much in terms of both academics and life-lessons. However, there is still much more to learn and discover, and I intend on filling my hunger for knowledge and inquiry throughout my life. Through fulfilling my interests, I have also discovered a bit about myself: I am driven by a strong desire to uncover the unknown, and it is only by cracking the nutshell that holds the secrets to my wonders that I can be satisfied. Together, with astronomy, my passions have motivated me to reach the highest level I can achieve. I have become a dreamer about the possibilities for our lives on Earth, and beyond.
*OR 2nd last paragraph:
Through these years of immersing myself in a world of stars and planets, I have gained a greater insight into the science in general. Through my attempt to learn more about astronomy, my knowledge in physics as well as chemistry and biology has also grown, and I have developed a great appreciation towards many subjects in science. However, I am aware that I still only have a limited knowledge of the "how" and "why." There is still much more to learn and discover. What has started as a childhood fascination has turned into a passion. And this passion has helped me come to enjoy exploring my natural curiosity in all that surround us. My passions have motivated me to reach the highest level I can achieve. Through my passion, I have become a dreamer about the possibilities for our lives on Earth, and beyond.
This is for the common app essay: Topic of my choice.
I have two versions of the last paragraph, and I don't know which one is better. Can you tell me which one is better? Also is this one ok if my major is for biology? Thanks.
Ever since the day I was introduced to the nine (now eight) planets in our solar system in second grade, I have been fascinated by the mystery of the universe. I remember my science teacher showing my class a poster of the planets and my gaze falling on dense, black Mercury, golden sulfuric acid clouded Venus, and then to the colorful patterned, glowing Earth and dusty, red Mars; my eyes took in the sight of the beautifully striped Jupiter and the elegant rings of Saturn. I especially remember how enthralled I was by the bright turquoise of Uranus and glowing ocean blue of Neptune; and lastly, I chuckled at the tiny, dwarf Pluto. Their beauty first lured me in and then developed my curiosity in the workings of the universe.
For years, my parents and I sat outside on our porch after dinner: my parents enjoying the fresh night air and I stargazing. Looking up, I would see a glimmer here, a twinkle there, and then millions of tiny, bright diamonds shimmering against the black backdrop of the evening sky. Finally, in fifth grade, I had the opportunity to take a closer look at those stars when my parents surprised me with a three hundred dollar telescope for my birthday. I cannot even describe how thrilled I was that day. Almost every night afterwards, I would observe the sky, looking at moon phases and sometimes, to my delight, catching a glimpse of Andromeda, our nearest galaxy. I always tried to find Mars, mainly hoping to discover little green aliens.
My passion for astronomy fully developed when I decided one day that I wanted to learn why the universe is what it is. I spent most of my summers reading books such as A Universe in a Nutshell to understand the science behind the universe. However, that was not enough for me, so I delved into Scientific American magazines, educational websites, and finally an educational program I discovered in my junior year on the History Channel called The Universe.
What intrigued me about The Universe was learning about the chemical compositions of the stars and planets. I loved watching this television show because, besides the factual material about the stars and planets, it covered many of the unknown or theories such as black holes, the Big Bang theory, and the chances of discovering another planet with similar biological conditions for life as that on Earth. It was these ideas that urged me to develop a more inquisitive mind and transformed me into a more open-minded thinker.
In the summer after my junior year in high school, I enrolled in a physics course at De Anza College. The summer course was interesting yet fast-paced, but I was not deterred, especially when I discovered a section on the astrophysics that had so eluded me. In fact, these sections introduced some of my favorite astronomy topics!
I am proud to call astronomy my first passion, as it is the mother of all my other passions. What started as a childhood fascination has turned into a passion, and this unexpected childhood passion has helped me come to enjoy exploring my natural curiosity in all that surround us. Like a chain reaction, I have found a passion for chemistry and drawing through astronomy, biology through chemistry, linguistics through biology; I have discovered many wonderful areas of study that I never have believed would be of my interest. Through these years of immersing myself in a world of stars and planets, I have developed into a more well-rounded and open-minded individual. My infatuation with astronomy has taught much in terms of both academics and life-lessons. However, there is still much more to learn and discover, and I intend on filling my hunger for knowledge and inquiry throughout my life. Through fulfilling my interests, I have also discovered a bit about myself: I am driven by a strong desire to uncover the unknown, and it is only by cracking the nutshell that holds the secrets to my wonders that I can be satisfied. Together, with astronomy, my passions have motivated me to reach the highest level I can achieve. I have become a dreamer about the possibilities for our lives on Earth, and beyond.
*OR 2nd last paragraph:
Through these years of immersing myself in a world of stars and planets, I have gained a greater insight into the science in general. Through my attempt to learn more about astronomy, my knowledge in physics as well as chemistry and biology has also grown, and I have developed a great appreciation towards many subjects in science. However, I am aware that I still only have a limited knowledge of the "how" and "why." There is still much more to learn and discover. What has started as a childhood fascination has turned into a passion. And this passion has helped me come to enjoy exploring my natural curiosity in all that surround us. My passions have motivated me to reach the highest level I can achieve. Through my passion, I have become a dreamer about the possibilities for our lives on Earth, and beyond.