Posts by janney143

janney143

Jun 20, 2012

Writing Feedback / Essay on attraction of traditional style of developing countries [2]

Their cultures and traditions are ...

Moreover, by increasing in number of tourists the government of tourism not only earns heftily, but also produces employment. (if u wanna use V-ing,u should use the structure S +V-ing+O+V+O <---reduced relative clause)

Of course,.. who are not accustomed with,,,

Therefore the residents are not adhere to their early life style and changing (their life style) these with... (lifestyle -->repetition)

Furthermore, the life style of residents are (changing) revising/adapt to the modern changes to make their life more suitable.

you should find some synonym words in order to avoid repetition.

janney143

Jun 20, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'action on environmental conservation' Re-write paragraph in suitably academic style [3]

solution is to reduce petroleum usages everyday

This is because trees are able to purify/filter the air

by converting carbon dioxide into oxygen

so the policy to preserve the surface of land should be implemented.

janney143

Jun 20, 2012

Writing Feedback / Discuss both views - impacts of music [NEW]

Topic: Music is played in every society and culture in the world today.
Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both.
Discuss both views and give your experience.

There is undoubted that the impacts of music are a controversial issue in today's society. It is the opinion of this writer that, in a long term, it is wise to prompt people to enjoy music.

To begin wiwth, there is a widespread belief that music helps develop the metal features of the people. Particularly, in case of prenancy women, doctors usually advise these females to listen to classical music so as to stimulate and progress the growth of children' brains. Additionally, relaxation by listening to music is very sufficient. The state of affairs leads to refreshment of mind, which can help people work effectively. It is for that reason music has become a part of global population.

There are several benefits of listening to music. Notwithstanding, some disadvantages are being existed in the modern life. On the internet, the spread of songs without meaningful or even uneducated lyrics cannot be ceased. Therefore, this matter negatively affects to the cognitive process of children. Although two or three decades ago the attitudes and behaviours of teenagers were optimistic and well-respected, the forces have changed this situation for the worse.

Finally, it must be recognized that encouragement of enjoying music pays of in the long tern, if not in the short tern. The patriotic love can be built up through many songs which bring historic meaning lyrics are worthless. As a result, the manners of the people can be improved and culture will absolutely preserved. Common sense dictates that music which is beneficial helps stimulate and motivate the growth of brain.

In conclusion, listening to music comprises both advantages and disadvantages. Nevertheless, the greater wisdon is on the side of prompting to enjoy music due the fact that the music can develop the brains of children and renovate patriotic love. Therefore, the people should choose the suitable types of music in order to fetch over benefits.

Plz... Could you write some feedback and wat should I improve, eg, should use more less common lexical, grammar, idiom,or collocation. Thks!
WC: 319
Time: 35 mins