Writing Feedback / Essay about the benefits of online shopping over traditional off-line market [7]

And Duminda, your advices are also really helped me a lot. I believe you pointed out the main points. But I... just don't know how I revise these problems. Thank you for giving shape to these paragraph. I was impressed with the expresson you said 'geographical barriers'. Maybe I can newly organize the whole paragraph like 1. Time 2. Space.

Also, I think my problem is a vague sentences. Thus I'm going to try to make sentences more clearly.

And the last words you told encourages me a lot. You are kind enough to see my gratitude :)
Yeah I keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!

Writing Feedback / Essay about the benefits of online shopping over traditional off-line market [7]

Now I see what I need to revise introduction part. The sentence you suggested is more likely to be understood the whole meaning and main flow. Thanks so much.

And the way you made closing sentence let me get some strategy. First, to find a main points in supporting sentence, and then reword them. I don't know how to thank you for all of this.

I hope that everything you've done works out fine :)
Good day, ahmad!

Writing Feedback / Essay about the benefits of online shopping over traditional off-line market [7]

Oh, I totally forgot revising the introduction part.
Thank you so much for advising me to guide some structures. It helped me a lot.
By your advise, I added a 'hook'. It isn't great as you expected, but I will keep trying to do better :)

Due to the development of internet technology, transactions online have exploded in many countries throughout the world. Online shopping has three advantages over the off-line shopping; convenience, cost-saving, and comprehensiveness of their stock.

And some sentences you suggested are very helpful. I found subtle but important differences like
choosing a word "rare", to go abroad "with intent" to... and so on. Many thoughts have passed such as
"What I need to do for these subtle differences" and questions like "how can I achieve that". Surely it will take much time.

Beside, closing statement that you pointed out, I revised it again..Still it isn't clear to me:(

Surely online shopping provides comprehensiveness of the products.

Am I correct?

And you suggested a few ways to write 'clincher', it is clear and easy to understand.
Next essay writing, I keep in my mind your kind, warmhearted advises.

Thanks again:)

Writing Feedback / Essay about the benefits of online shopping over traditional off-line market [7]

How kind you are ..!

I became speechless when i saw your reply. It is so helpful and definitely precises what I have to do. Thanks so much, Ahmad:)

Giving advises is certainly hard volunteering work. At first, some thoughts occured to me that few social works based on 'sharing knowledge' like khan academy, what i was really impressed, are same as you did. Anyway, I really appreciate your help. I love this site.

For your advise, I learned a lot and got something...for example, adding a summary at the end of the paragraph is called "closing sentence". I found some examples about this on the internet, and other things you mentioned. And I also decided to keep working out writing essay:) thanks again.

Below is what I revised by your words.
I'm sure that will be better than the first :)

With Internet; Easy to Buy Various Products

Online shopping has three advantages over the off-line shopping; convenience, cost-saving, and comprehensiveness of their stock.

First, online shopping is a virtual space we can buy what we want and it is accessible most of the time. It is not necessary to look around a few more places. All we have to do is just to type the website address and purchase some items using credit cards. Also, online shopping malls do not have their business hours. For me, it is very helpful to buy many clothes via the website because I have a tons of work to do and do not have enough time for shopping. As you can see, online shopping is useful.

Second, the price of products sold online is much cheaper than off-line markets. you can save substantial money if you directly buy a product from manufacturers. Using the internet, you can easily contact manufacturers to buy in bulk. In addition, sales which are frequently held in websites and comparing prices make us buy products at a discounted price. In my case, I usually buy many clothes at a time via online websites since their prices are reasonable and affordable. Clearly, buying products online can reduce additional costs.

Finally, Transportation of a large amount of products is a crucial problem that many off-line stores may encounter. As a result, they tend to carry only the most popular products. However, customers are more likely to buy at places where it is available whatever they are looking for. For example, online shopping allows buyers who want to purchase products not available in their countries to order easily without going abroad. Furthermore, we can quickly seek out a product what we want on the internet because of a few bargain websites like Ebay and numerous information-rich websites. Surely online shopping provides a wide selection of products.

In conclusion, accessibility, price, and wide selection are three benefits of online shopping. (transition "therefore" needed?) It is clear that online shopping can have some great benefits for everyone.