4cait4
Aug 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App: Extracurricular Activities (Volunteer at Hospital) [5]
Thank you for the critique!! Here's my modification:
Loud beeping, a racket over the loudspeaker, a shuffling of footsteps. I tentatively peeked through the glass doors, hoping to catch sight of the cause of the clamor. The medical environment of Kennedy Hospital is not for the weak-willed. Surrounded by unhealthy patients and burdened families, I had the opportunity to observe the real-world problems that can exist within a hospital and the difficulties in watching indisposed individuals struggle with their misfortune. As I was encompassed by the sickness and sorrow, I realized the necessity of therapies and disease prevention. Uplifted by this revelation, I motivated myself to lighten the workload for both nurses and doctors in my department in so that I might better comprehend and attend to the hardship that others are facing daily. I developed a connection with the adults in my department and enjoyed the atmosphere, knowing that one day I could change these patients' fate with time, research and commitment.
Thank you for the critique!! Here's my modification:
Loud beeping, a racket over the loudspeaker, a shuffling of footsteps. I tentatively peeked through the glass doors, hoping to catch sight of the cause of the clamor. The medical environment of Kennedy Hospital is not for the weak-willed. Surrounded by unhealthy patients and burdened families, I had the opportunity to observe the real-world problems that can exist within a hospital and the difficulties in watching indisposed individuals struggle with their misfortune. As I was encompassed by the sickness and sorrow, I realized the necessity of therapies and disease prevention. Uplifted by this revelation, I motivated myself to lighten the workload for both nurses and doctors in my department in so that I might better comprehend and attend to the hardship that others are facing daily. I developed a connection with the adults in my department and enjoyed the atmosphere, knowing that one day I could change these patients' fate with time, research and commitment.
