Undergraduate / Pratt Undergraduate Admissions Essay ("left America to live in Hong Kong") [8]

This is my 2nd draft, I feel that it is missing a few things, can anyone tell me what they might be?

Prompt: Why do you want to attend Pratt and what do you hope to accomplish from your education?

My essay:

About a week ago my father left America to live in Hong Kong. With a few bags and boxes containing all his necessities (all the clothes to match his design-director ego), he shipped himself halfway around the world, giving me a brief goodbye pat-on-the-shoulder. Although he has never given me much of what I wanted from him as a father, my father did leave me with a clear image of someone with qualities I hope to emulate, a constantly productive person with a passion for art, who never lets his creativity rest.

One day of every weekend I would spend time with my father. Usually we drove to the City, ate lunch, ran some errands, and walked around, talking. Whether a snowstorm raged above Manhattan or just a few light clouds and a cool breeze, we would always go out. Characteristically, my father would keep stopping to point out something on the street, often clothing in a store window, but one morning he suddenly halted to fix his gaze on a tiny yellow flower emerging from the gum-covered concrete. Confused, I turned around, glaring as if to say, "What is it now?" Amidst the roar of taxis, my father spoke of this mere wisp as if it were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Somehow this flower managed to grow despite its surroundings. Before I knew it, he had ripped off a piece and slipped it into his pocket.

I never thought much of that incident, for such moments were frequent on our walks, but now, with my father gone, I have begun to see how important they were. Among other things, they display the significance of attention to detail. Such attention to detail may lead to inspiration, the driving force behind art. Although he has no paintings hanging in galleries around the world or even his own line of clothing, my father remains very successful to me. I do not expect to develop a mind in constant creative ferment like my father's instantly. I do not expect to instantly develop the ability to recognize the potential in things that might be passed over by anyone else as insignificant or useless.

Lately, as I take my own walks, I have often found myself stopping to ponder something along the way, as my father did. After taking some architecture and photography classes, I would find myself walking home after school on a new road each day. Or perhaps I have noticed that the road home seems to look a little different every time I take it. I walk home, scanning the world around me as if I had a camera ready to take the million-dollar shot. I look at buildings and structures as compositions, even as works of art. I am developing a vision of what I would like to do with structures as compositions, starting with attention to detail.

While it took me 15 years to decide to become an architect, it only took a fraction of that time to decide to apply to Pratt. During my college search I found a number of art schools providing training in architecture, but most without the equal emphasis on academic subjects that I want. Pratt Institute seems to seek students with a good balance of these two priorities. That is why I believe I would find attending Pratt very rewarding.