srikanthpetro
Sep 9, 2012
Undergraduate / Personal Reflection - "WHO AM I" (grade 12 philosophy class) [2]
Grammatically and expression wise, the essay is well written. It is extremely truthful and openly presented without and pretense.
However , if it is an essay written as a part of the undergraduate application procedure , the second paragraph projects a negative perspective of you towards both yourself and the world.
(Despite the positive changes that have occurred within me, inadequacy and a great deal of idiosyncrasies have been present in my life and literally shun my potential of being something other than the misanthropic cynical disaster than I am today. I am tragically flawed and plagued with a demoralizing mental impotence that weakens me to an unimaginable extent, albeit it is something that does not define who I am as a person whatsoever, it is only something I happen to be afflicted with. I am the epitome of melancholia and of disarray, and am quite content with being so as I feel significantly more creative with these temperaments for reasons I am not exactly sure of. I prefer observing people rather than speaking to them. To me, socializing is exhausting and requires a great deal of energy that I do not have- it's like having to perform and I don't have the freedom to be myself and do not feel comfortable around others. I primarily enjoy being alone and dread the thought of putting on a fake smile and pretending all is well when it isn't. I've noticed that this is how everyone is expected to act; content. Happiness is normal. Anything deviant from average conduct and thought is almost immediately labelled as weird, crazy and freakish; merely because the latter does not understand and takes no time to consider the circumstances of the individual. I have miniscule tolerance for ignorant, selfish and cruelly judgemental people who speak on plain terms. The majority of our human race sees life in a very black and white context. All good, or all bad. I can only imagine how awful it must feel to have such a vapid worldly perspective)
This could be make the admissions committee be apprehensive towards your selection. It is not necessary to include these thoughts of yours in this essay.
Are you applying for a psychology course? (one has to infer from your essay ,although not explicitly stated).
If so, you could build you essay on this part of your essay - I am infatuated with psychology and aspire to become a psychologist in the future. It is a great interest of mine to discover and truly understand why humans do the things they do and why the mind works the way it does. Although,' Infatuated' a word meaning-Marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness, is not appropriate in an application , chose some better word which describes your affinity towards the field.
Try to be more positive and project academic interests
Grammatically and expression wise, the essay is well written. It is extremely truthful and openly presented without and pretense.
However , if it is an essay written as a part of the undergraduate application procedure , the second paragraph projects a negative perspective of you towards both yourself and the world.
(Despite the positive changes that have occurred within me, inadequacy and a great deal of idiosyncrasies have been present in my life and literally shun my potential of being something other than the misanthropic cynical disaster than I am today. I am tragically flawed and plagued with a demoralizing mental impotence that weakens me to an unimaginable extent, albeit it is something that does not define who I am as a person whatsoever, it is only something I happen to be afflicted with. I am the epitome of melancholia and of disarray, and am quite content with being so as I feel significantly more creative with these temperaments for reasons I am not exactly sure of. I prefer observing people rather than speaking to them. To me, socializing is exhausting and requires a great deal of energy that I do not have- it's like having to perform and I don't have the freedom to be myself and do not feel comfortable around others. I primarily enjoy being alone and dread the thought of putting on a fake smile and pretending all is well when it isn't. I've noticed that this is how everyone is expected to act; content. Happiness is normal. Anything deviant from average conduct and thought is almost immediately labelled as weird, crazy and freakish; merely because the latter does not understand and takes no time to consider the circumstances of the individual. I have miniscule tolerance for ignorant, selfish and cruelly judgemental people who speak on plain terms. The majority of our human race sees life in a very black and white context. All good, or all bad. I can only imagine how awful it must feel to have such a vapid worldly perspective)
This could be make the admissions committee be apprehensive towards your selection. It is not necessary to include these thoughts of yours in this essay.
Are you applying for a psychology course? (one has to infer from your essay ,although not explicitly stated).
If so, you could build you essay on this part of your essay - I am infatuated with psychology and aspire to become a psychologist in the future. It is a great interest of mine to discover and truly understand why humans do the things they do and why the mind works the way it does. Although,' Infatuated' a word meaning-Marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness, is not appropriate in an application , chose some better word which describes your affinity towards the field.
Try to be more positive and project academic interests
