Undergraduate / Common App Essay: The Value of Travel (My travels to Colombia) [2]

Just a few suggestions. :)
I would rewrite this to be:

"Any youth who doesn't travel is like a blind person." I recently read that line by Sekou Camara about the value of travel, and the more I thought about it, the more it helped me to understand the impact of my three visits to Colombia, my mother's native land.

"Any youth who doesn't travel is like a blind person." -Sekou Camara
This was a powerful statement that really resinated within me, as I was greatly impacted by the visits to my mother's native land of Columbia.

As a fourth grader on my first trip to Colombia with my family, I was unprepared for the lifestyle I would encounter there . My first trip to Colombia was quite a culture shock. I was in the fourth grade, and like most American children I was very in love with Ketchup. The difference could be summed up in my addiction to ketchup, which I then I obsessively slathered it on everything. However, this was a problem because The problem? In in Colombia, ketchup is virtually nonexistent, a fact I refused to accept . Upset and naïve, I decided attempted to go on a hunger strike. Eventually, my stomach betrayed me. It was only then that I reluctantly tried some of the authentic Colombian foods, such as coconut rice and tamales. I had never tasted these foods before, for my mother's cooking at home was largely Americanized. To my surprise, I discovered wonderful tastes, aromas, and textures. After returning to America, Once back home, I began craving those wonderful foods, and begged my mother to make more of the authentic Colombian dishes, dishes I never doctored with ketchup. After my first experience in Colombia, and being forced to expand my palate, I was more receptive to other ethnic foods which I knew I would grow to love.

When I was a young teenager we returned to Colombia, and I brought my football to show my cousins. They were not impressed. Instead, one of my cousins brought out a worn, black and white soccer ball. I had never really played soccer, but my cousins were extremely enthusiastic. Soon, I was despondent: soccer, or "fútbol", was not easy. But the challenge of kicking the ball and the intensity of playing compelled me to keep playing trying. When we went inside, One afternoon my one cousin tuned in the TV to a Colombian soccer match. The spirit in that room, while watching the game was incredible. We huddled and cheered; the commentators screamed; the fans roared as they waved Colombian flags. From that wonderful experience, I developed a passion for soccer that encouraged me to join my school team, after returning home. As a result of that trip, I have excelled at a sport, formed remarkable relationships with my American soccer team, and have learned invaluable lessons about character and goals that can only be developed from teamwork.

In my Junior year, we again traveled to Colombia. My goal was to practice the Spanish skills I had been building for years. Embracing my opportunity, I spoke only Spanish for the duration of my trip. Because of this I was able to expand my language skills. I learned many unfamiliar words, especially those unique to Colombia. Through these dialectical variations, I recognized a fellowship and kinship that helped the Colombians through hard times and underscored good times. Their verbal play, mellow tones, and open personalities revealed their concern for each other, their acceptance of strangers in their midst , and their unexpressed but obvious understanding of the power of language. I was deeply moved. My Spanish skills grew dramatically on that trip. However, more importantly my personal outlook and sensitivity to my ancestors language grew even more. When I got back home, I was determined to become a kinder, more respectful, and helpful person, I wanted to incorporate the values of my Colombian culture into my American routine: decency is universal.

From each of my trips, I grew and matured not only as an individual but within my Colombian heritage. It was only from my travels to Colombia that I am able understand what Camara means about travel. Colombia helped me to see an interactive world and to understand that I do not belong to that group of people to whom the playwright Noel Coward referred when he asked, "Why do the wrong people travel?" Coward meant those who blindly view the new through old prejudices. Traveling to Colombia helped me to see my culture in a different perspective, in a way that only traveling somewhere can. Being in Colombia helped to define and ultimately shape the person I am today.