brightfuture15
Oct 11, 2012
Book Reports / Can I get some feedback on my autobiographical essay. [2]
I am writing an autobiographical essay for my Advanced English 10 class, and I'd like some feedback on it. Please tell me what you think, it's about someone inspirational and I chose my dad. Thanks, I'm open to anything. I just want to hear someone else's opinion because there is probably a lot of mistakes that I am missing.
~~~~~~~~~~If you ask many teenagers nowadays, they'd probably tell you how much they dislike their parents. They'd tell you how stupid, or annoying they are, and how they ruin their life by restricting them from the things they want to do. Well I don't. I practically adore my parents, and they're like my best friends. It's ironic because I really don't complain the fact that they have me "tied under their wing" and I won't have any freedom until I am 18. Both are really strict, mostly my dad. However I know that he is like this because he loves me. And he wants what is best for me. My dad, for a fact isn't like any other typical dad. He is the biggest goofball I know, who makes sacrifices for his family, and loves us unconditionally. Through him, he has inspired me to always keep my head up, and to just be that bubbly optimistic person that I am.
Have you ever heard the song about the rat that was ironing clothes but accidentally burned her butt? Yeah, well neither have I. That's because he made it up. Recently, I have caught my dad singing and humming this really weird song, not only to me, but also to my siblings; strange right? This just goes to show what type of personality my dad has. He is a giant goofball who gets a laugh out of everything. He claims that he's going to live eternally because "laughter is the best medicine" and he is never (and never has gotten) sick. My dad is very witty when it comes to pulling pranks, especially during Halloween. Last week, my dad bought one of those life sized Halloween monster dolls, the kind that you use to put in front of you house to scare little kids with. Yeah, well since then they've been unseparateble. My dad scares us with it every day, I guess we should be used to it by now but that thing is just so damn ugly. I remember the day that he bought it; he put it on a chair at the bottom of the basement stairs, and asked my mom if she could go get something for him. My mother, wanting to get her errand done quickly, jogged down the basement stairs and practically ran into the monster. Then there was the loud "aaaah" coming from downstairs, it was probably the loudest shriek I had ever heard in my life, immediately followed by the weirdest tumbling noise ever. She didn't fall though, turns out she was trying to punch but kept missing. My dad, my sister Keila, and I were in the kitchen just laughing all over the place. My dad up against the wall, Keila on the floor, and me; almost falling out of my chair, dying from laughter.
Ever since I can remember, my dad has always been a commercial truck driver. He has worked for companies like Burger King, Wal-Mart, and KFC, just delivering their products to them. Recently, about 5 years ago, he quit his job to spend more time with his family. After working 20 years as a truck driver I think this is a pretty big sacrifice, don't you? He quit his job because he noticed how much it interfered with our life as a family. We needed him. Growing up my sister Keila and I hardly ever got to see him. He would leave at around 8:00 pm, one night, and come back at around 5:00 am a few days later. When Keila and I went to school, we weren't allowed to make any noise at all, in fear of waking my dad. And when we came home from school he was either still sleeping, or getting ready for work. This was his routine, my family's routine until I was about ten. Like I said, about five years ago he quit his job. And as the family was growing (two kids later) he was sure that he didn't want to see us all grow up without him. He works less hours, but he assures me that it is all worth it. Now, my dad runs his own business. He is his own boss as well as other people's boss. He runs a tow truck company, and he enjoys what he does every day. Although it doesn't pay as much, and he only works about 50 hours a week, he loves the fact that he gets to come home to his hyper children every day.
Another reason why my dad inspires me is that he loves his family unconditionally. I don't know how he does it, how he has time to. How does one shift from being a strict workaholic goofball and still have enough strength and energy to love his family? Last year, on probably one of the hottest days of the summer, the Moran family decided to take a trip to the Del Mar Fair. It was probably 100 degrees and we needed ice cream. My sister Ana, being the favorite was holding my dad's hand the whole time. However, as he let go of it to pay for the ice creams, Ana's curiosity got the better of her. Bright lights, and enormous teddy bears distracted her 5 year old self, and she drifted away. When my dad reached back to grab her hand, she was gone and he was freaking out. Instantly he started pushing through the colossal sea of people looking for Ana every corner he could. My other sister and I went in different directions while my mom stayed where she was in case Ana came back. When I reached the end of the aisle I looked back; my father's 6'5 statue isn't hard to miss in the heap of people. His face was pale and sweaty and he looked as if he was about to break down. What felt like hours later was really two minutes. Ana was standing admiring the enormous teddy bear with tears in her eyes because she wanted one. You could see the look of relief in his face, and also as if the thought of my baby sister being lost was eating him alive. He was determined to find my sister. To my dad family is the most important thing, and I am happy to be a part of it. He is the most loving and caring person that I know and by far the greatest dad ever.
I'm so blessed to have someone like my father in my life. He is everything I could possibly want in a dad. Through his witty pranks, his sacrifices, and his unconditional love, he has inspired me to always keep my head up, and to just be that optimistic and bubbly person that I am. Throughout my lifetime he has shown me the right way to being a content person with happiness in my life, surrounded by the people that make me the most happy. I couldn't have asked for anyone better, he brightens my day with his presence. He is truly someone that I admire; he is just a great person all together.
I am writing an autobiographical essay for my Advanced English 10 class, and I'd like some feedback on it. Please tell me what you think, it's about someone inspirational and I chose my dad. Thanks, I'm open to anything. I just want to hear someone else's opinion because there is probably a lot of mistakes that I am missing.
~~~~~~~~~~If you ask many teenagers nowadays, they'd probably tell you how much they dislike their parents. They'd tell you how stupid, or annoying they are, and how they ruin their life by restricting them from the things they want to do. Well I don't. I practically adore my parents, and they're like my best friends. It's ironic because I really don't complain the fact that they have me "tied under their wing" and I won't have any freedom until I am 18. Both are really strict, mostly my dad. However I know that he is like this because he loves me. And he wants what is best for me. My dad, for a fact isn't like any other typical dad. He is the biggest goofball I know, who makes sacrifices for his family, and loves us unconditionally. Through him, he has inspired me to always keep my head up, and to just be that bubbly optimistic person that I am.
Have you ever heard the song about the rat that was ironing clothes but accidentally burned her butt? Yeah, well neither have I. That's because he made it up. Recently, I have caught my dad singing and humming this really weird song, not only to me, but also to my siblings; strange right? This just goes to show what type of personality my dad has. He is a giant goofball who gets a laugh out of everything. He claims that he's going to live eternally because "laughter is the best medicine" and he is never (and never has gotten) sick. My dad is very witty when it comes to pulling pranks, especially during Halloween. Last week, my dad bought one of those life sized Halloween monster dolls, the kind that you use to put in front of you house to scare little kids with. Yeah, well since then they've been unseparateble. My dad scares us with it every day, I guess we should be used to it by now but that thing is just so damn ugly. I remember the day that he bought it; he put it on a chair at the bottom of the basement stairs, and asked my mom if she could go get something for him. My mother, wanting to get her errand done quickly, jogged down the basement stairs and practically ran into the monster. Then there was the loud "aaaah" coming from downstairs, it was probably the loudest shriek I had ever heard in my life, immediately followed by the weirdest tumbling noise ever. She didn't fall though, turns out she was trying to punch but kept missing. My dad, my sister Keila, and I were in the kitchen just laughing all over the place. My dad up against the wall, Keila on the floor, and me; almost falling out of my chair, dying from laughter.
Ever since I can remember, my dad has always been a commercial truck driver. He has worked for companies like Burger King, Wal-Mart, and KFC, just delivering their products to them. Recently, about 5 years ago, he quit his job to spend more time with his family. After working 20 years as a truck driver I think this is a pretty big sacrifice, don't you? He quit his job because he noticed how much it interfered with our life as a family. We needed him. Growing up my sister Keila and I hardly ever got to see him. He would leave at around 8:00 pm, one night, and come back at around 5:00 am a few days later. When Keila and I went to school, we weren't allowed to make any noise at all, in fear of waking my dad. And when we came home from school he was either still sleeping, or getting ready for work. This was his routine, my family's routine until I was about ten. Like I said, about five years ago he quit his job. And as the family was growing (two kids later) he was sure that he didn't want to see us all grow up without him. He works less hours, but he assures me that it is all worth it. Now, my dad runs his own business. He is his own boss as well as other people's boss. He runs a tow truck company, and he enjoys what he does every day. Although it doesn't pay as much, and he only works about 50 hours a week, he loves the fact that he gets to come home to his hyper children every day.
Another reason why my dad inspires me is that he loves his family unconditionally. I don't know how he does it, how he has time to. How does one shift from being a strict workaholic goofball and still have enough strength and energy to love his family? Last year, on probably one of the hottest days of the summer, the Moran family decided to take a trip to the Del Mar Fair. It was probably 100 degrees and we needed ice cream. My sister Ana, being the favorite was holding my dad's hand the whole time. However, as he let go of it to pay for the ice creams, Ana's curiosity got the better of her. Bright lights, and enormous teddy bears distracted her 5 year old self, and she drifted away. When my dad reached back to grab her hand, she was gone and he was freaking out. Instantly he started pushing through the colossal sea of people looking for Ana every corner he could. My other sister and I went in different directions while my mom stayed where she was in case Ana came back. When I reached the end of the aisle I looked back; my father's 6'5 statue isn't hard to miss in the heap of people. His face was pale and sweaty and he looked as if he was about to break down. What felt like hours later was really two minutes. Ana was standing admiring the enormous teddy bear with tears in her eyes because she wanted one. You could see the look of relief in his face, and also as if the thought of my baby sister being lost was eating him alive. He was determined to find my sister. To my dad family is the most important thing, and I am happy to be a part of it. He is the most loving and caring person that I know and by far the greatest dad ever.
I'm so blessed to have someone like my father in my life. He is everything I could possibly want in a dad. Through his witty pranks, his sacrifices, and his unconditional love, he has inspired me to always keep my head up, and to just be that optimistic and bubbly person that I am. Throughout my lifetime he has shown me the right way to being a content person with happiness in my life, surrounded by the people that make me the most happy. I couldn't have asked for anyone better, he brightens my day with his presence. He is truly someone that I admire; he is just a great person all together.