anshpatel
Oct 14, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Dear Future Roommate' - GA Tech Application Long Essay [NEW]
I need help with grammar, punctuation, and generally anything that can help me make my essay better. Thank you for all your help, I will take all suggestions into consideration and if you could please explain why you make some changes, so I can learn something from this. Thanks again!
Topic: You are about to write your future college roommate a letter. Please provide the roommate with a personal story that will give him/her some insight into your personality.
August 12, 2012
Dear Future Roommate,
I am looking forward to a great year at Georgia Tech with you. I am sure we will become great friends during our freshman year together. I am sure you are curious about what I am like so I am going to share a very special story about my life. This event in my life has changed the way that I live each day of my own life and is one of my most precious memories.
November 16, 2002, a fatal head-on collision involving two people took place. The person in the blue Ford SUV was pronounced dead on location, and the other, my grandfather, was flown by helicopter to Grady Hospital in critical condition. It was just another day of 2nd grade for me; we had just finished our science lesson for the day and were about to move on to reading when I got called to leave. I knew something was wrong, for I had just been dropped off for school a mere hour ago. When I got to the office, I saw my mom was in tears, and she wouldn't look me in the eye. She just started walking to the car and I followed quickly but silently. As we left for the hospital, I kept asking my mother what was wrong, but she couldn't stop crying. When my mother pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, I began to cry for I knew somebody that I loved was in there in pain.
As I took those painstaking steps through the hospital, all I could think about was who it could be. When my mother reached for the door handle of the room, time began to slow down; as I knew as soon as it was open, I would know what had happened. As soon as the door was open, I saw my grandfather on the hospital bed, and I ran straight to him. There laid the once strong man that I knew, who had raised me since I was born, weak and in tears as my entire family surrounded him. I climbed up onto the bed with him and saw, as he put his arm around me, the same twinkle in his eyes and that same smile that I will never forget. It was then when he told me, "Always live your live to the fullest, you never know when your last day may be." I knew at that point my grandfather was dying, and I bolted out the door because my emotions were going insane. Those were the last words I ever heard my grandfather speak, and I later learned those were the last words he ever spoke on this earth.
I don't have much memory of my grandfather now, but that day I can recall as if it had only happened minutes ago. I now and forever will live my life by the words of my grandfather. I don't leave any opportunity wasted, and I live each day as if it were my last. I am only human, but I always try to never hold a grudge, be jealous, or hurt someone in anyway. I hope to one day pass on this advice to my future children and grandchildren, and have my grandfather's way of life live on through us. Every night, I think about the words my grandfather once said and hope that I am making him proud. These few words overall describe my personality and how I live each day of my life.
Looking forward to a great year,
Ansh Patel
I need help with grammar, punctuation, and generally anything that can help me make my essay better. Thank you for all your help, I will take all suggestions into consideration and if you could please explain why you make some changes, so I can learn something from this. Thanks again!
Topic: You are about to write your future college roommate a letter. Please provide the roommate with a personal story that will give him/her some insight into your personality.
August 12, 2012
Dear Future Roommate,
I am looking forward to a great year at Georgia Tech with you. I am sure we will become great friends during our freshman year together. I am sure you are curious about what I am like so I am going to share a very special story about my life. This event in my life has changed the way that I live each day of my own life and is one of my most precious memories.
November 16, 2002, a fatal head-on collision involving two people took place. The person in the blue Ford SUV was pronounced dead on location, and the other, my grandfather, was flown by helicopter to Grady Hospital in critical condition. It was just another day of 2nd grade for me; we had just finished our science lesson for the day and were about to move on to reading when I got called to leave. I knew something was wrong, for I had just been dropped off for school a mere hour ago. When I got to the office, I saw my mom was in tears, and she wouldn't look me in the eye. She just started walking to the car and I followed quickly but silently. As we left for the hospital, I kept asking my mother what was wrong, but she couldn't stop crying. When my mother pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, I began to cry for I knew somebody that I loved was in there in pain.
As I took those painstaking steps through the hospital, all I could think about was who it could be. When my mother reached for the door handle of the room, time began to slow down; as I knew as soon as it was open, I would know what had happened. As soon as the door was open, I saw my grandfather on the hospital bed, and I ran straight to him. There laid the once strong man that I knew, who had raised me since I was born, weak and in tears as my entire family surrounded him. I climbed up onto the bed with him and saw, as he put his arm around me, the same twinkle in his eyes and that same smile that I will never forget. It was then when he told me, "Always live your live to the fullest, you never know when your last day may be." I knew at that point my grandfather was dying, and I bolted out the door because my emotions were going insane. Those were the last words I ever heard my grandfather speak, and I later learned those were the last words he ever spoke on this earth.
I don't have much memory of my grandfather now, but that day I can recall as if it had only happened minutes ago. I now and forever will live my life by the words of my grandfather. I don't leave any opportunity wasted, and I live each day as if it were my last. I am only human, but I always try to never hold a grudge, be jealous, or hurt someone in anyway. I hope to one day pass on this advice to my future children and grandchildren, and have my grandfather's way of life live on through us. Every night, I think about the words my grandfather once said and hope that I am making him proud. These few words overall describe my personality and how I live each day of my life.
Looking forward to a great year,
Ansh Patel