Graduate / 'musical training, interest and abilities' - Music school Personal Statement [2]

hi everyone, i am seeking for help.
i am applying graduate studies in eastman, plz hlep me to correct my essay as i am quite weak in grammar, thx~~

Write a personal statement of two to three pages in length on the following topic:
Describe your professional goals and plans. How has your background influenced your goals, and how will your graduate studies help you to achieve them?

Music is a big part of my life, in which has influenced me the most and defines me as a person. Music enter to my life when I was four, at that time I was inspired by the happiness spread when the kindergarten teacher playing a small piece. With this simple reason, I began playing the piano. Playing the piano is a gratifying experience for me. It conveys my emotion, give confidence to express myself. In some sense I could say music is my best friend because music brings comfort and support me in moments of joy. I have enjoyed performing for as long as I can remember. However, it was not until recently that I realized I wanted to make music as my career. Performing is all of my passion, I want to make these passions my career, to share to the others.

I pay lot of effort on playing piano. With the skills and abilities developed over these years, I once got a chance to perform Saint-Saens's piano concerto on large-scale event held by my teacher at age 17. With intensive training I learnt how to always give my best, work hard and have a genuine heart to share movement, to share life. It was my first time to play such large piece. From this performing experience, I learned how to prepare well and concentrated how to memorize a large piece, and to perform. Also my musicality, my collaborative enhanced. I learned so much from this experience. It is not simple, the journey to the performance is rough, but in the end, it is a rewarding experience. I loved all of it: the music, the rehearsals, the performances, and the relationships I shared with my partner. Ultimately, performing gives me joy, my life purpose and direction. After this performance, I set a target to myself: one day I will play with a real orchestra.

By attending various kinds of performance and competitions, I further developed my musical interest and abilities. These internal resources that have served me in every aspect of my life, gave me confidence, a self-confidence that lives on with me to this day. Last year I entered Hong Kong Baptist University, whose music department is among the best in Hong Kong. Admitted by a professional music university, I had more opportunity of exploring the broad world of music, and the knowledge I gained had greatly enrich my music background. Playing the famous pieces from Chopin or Mozart no longer satisfy me. I tried different types of music, such as jazz I never play before, to explore more of myself. The ability to play music in different ways shows a powerful to me and I hope to become proficient enough soon. Also, during these two years, I had numerous opportunities to perform on stage. With enjoying each of the chances, strengthen my ambition that to become a professional musician in the future. The experience also made me realize that I wanted to make performing as my career, my goal in next two years is very simple, to play piano even more professionally. Besides taking part in performing activities, I also used my experiences and knowledge to teach students. By teaching others how to appreciate the beauty of music, the teaching also enhances my own artistic ability, which had great help in my performance.

Now, after the music training over these years, my passion for learning does not stop there, I am ready to start a new stage: I seek to perfect myself. I want further refine of my music ability and enlarge my knowledge by pursuing graduate study. Throughout my graduate studies, I would like to explore more type of music and eventually challenge my own limit. I am convinced that attending Eastman will be one of the best experiences of my life. I want to take a brave step at there to pursue my dream and with working hard, there are no barrier between me and my dream. With the best facilities, supports, teachers and visions there, I believe that I go to the right place to maintain education, experience and value of life. As I chose to be a performer as my future career, therefore I will work very hard to strengthen my ability to perform at the highest level, develop the capacity to give back to the community, and ready to take my responsibility which is inspiring the next generation of musicians and music lovers by my performance. I will take my role in a more meaningful way, such as I will perform in any kind of charity purpose. I bear in mind that I should always contribute and share my life in every possible way.

Being a large university with a world-renowned music school, Eastman suits my needs exceptionally well. I am sure that Eastman provides a good chance to expand my ability both in artistic sector and social awareness. I always set up excellence as my finish point, Keeping my ambition in mind, I am willing to do all I can to fulfill it. I am a hard worker, dedicated, motivated, and willing to sacrifice to accomplish my goals. The Eastman School of Music can provide me exceptional opportunities for instruction and performance, and the best musical education I can receive, prepare me for the future, and help to better myself as a musician. Hopefully with the education I gained at Eastman, I will be the one who sensitive to the other pleasures of life, influence the society and even world with remarkable impact, which is my best gift for my generit's ation.

it's quie ugent because the deadline is closer, i hope someone can help me to improve it.thx a lot!!