Denise
Jan 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / College Dropout Rates - vause & Effect Essay in 3rd person, need direction [5]
Help!! I am to do a cause & effect essay in 3rd person. Here is my intro/thesis/1st para. Is this tone I use too much, too personal, or should I keep it more presentable and professinoal regarding college dropout rates. Please let me know also if this is too much dialogue.
So appreciate your help.
College Dropout Rates are Today's Reality
There was much to be anticipated when Denise, a then high school student envisioned college. She had spent countless hours filling out admissions and scholarship applications, talked about all the details of campus and classes, to anyone who'd listen. She had visited numerous campuses until her mom and dad firmly recommend she come to a conclusion. Denise could never imagine herself labeled as a "college dropout" like so many others were in their first year of school. Denise had no idea that some popular and common causes for college dropout rates were consequently attributed to the following factors: expenses, stress and social issues-welcome to reality.
Undoubtedly, educational expenses are underestimated, and according to (Whitbourne 2002) who wrote- according to Act American College Testing , one in every four students dropout before finishing sophomore year. This completely took Denise by surprise, and she couldn't comprehend the statistic. "These are going to be the best years of my life." Denise shared with her mom. Her mom cautiously warned that students frequently brought "baggage" such as past credit card debt and newly accrued debt. Denise's mom was thankful that Denise had not been tempted by that sinister fate - yet. Finding it difficult to make even minimum payments, those students are forced to find part-time work to stay in good credit standings. Thankfully, Denise was informed by her high school counselor how to deal with burdensome living expenses and student loans that add up quickly. Often many only planned for the first semester of expenses, and sadly they resorted to more credit card debt and/or loans. Elated that she'd worked so hard early on, Denise chimed. "Boy am I thankful for those scholarships." Smiling, her mother added, "Me too."
thank you so much, Denise
Help!! I am to do a cause & effect essay in 3rd person. Here is my intro/thesis/1st para. Is this tone I use too much, too personal, or should I keep it more presentable and professinoal regarding college dropout rates. Please let me know also if this is too much dialogue.
So appreciate your help.
College Dropout Rates are Today's Reality
There was much to be anticipated when Denise, a then high school student envisioned college. She had spent countless hours filling out admissions and scholarship applications, talked about all the details of campus and classes, to anyone who'd listen. She had visited numerous campuses until her mom and dad firmly recommend she come to a conclusion. Denise could never imagine herself labeled as a "college dropout" like so many others were in their first year of school. Denise had no idea that some popular and common causes for college dropout rates were consequently attributed to the following factors: expenses, stress and social issues-welcome to reality.
Undoubtedly, educational expenses are underestimated, and according to (Whitbourne 2002) who wrote- according to Act American College Testing , one in every four students dropout before finishing sophomore year. This completely took Denise by surprise, and she couldn't comprehend the statistic. "These are going to be the best years of my life." Denise shared with her mom. Her mom cautiously warned that students frequently brought "baggage" such as past credit card debt and newly accrued debt. Denise's mom was thankful that Denise had not been tempted by that sinister fate - yet. Finding it difficult to make even minimum payments, those students are forced to find part-time work to stay in good credit standings. Thankfully, Denise was informed by her high school counselor how to deal with burdensome living expenses and student loans that add up quickly. Often many only planned for the first semester of expenses, and sadly they resorted to more credit card debt and/or loans. Elated that she'd worked so hard early on, Denise chimed. "Boy am I thankful for those scholarships." Smiling, her mother added, "Me too."
thank you so much, Denise
