nicolewong
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Pre-Medical Society' -applying to Rice University's Weiss School of Natural Sciences [2]
Can someone please give me some advice on what i can do to improve my essay? Thanks!
All I am currently capable of doing in a real life medical emergency situation is watching a scene unfold. In my aerobics class, my instructor suddenly leaped off the stage and ran to the side of the room. Puzzled, I casually glanced over to where the commotion was. I was horrified to see an elderly woman unconscious on the floor. She began to foam at the mouth as her eyes rolled back. The instructor frantically performed CPR and yelled for someone to call 911. The whole time she tried to revive the woman, I watched helplessly, unable to do anything because I lacked the skills needed to save her.
Why did that woman suddenly have an aneurism? Buzzing with a million questions, I felt a wave of curiosity rush over me. If I were even able to help her, what would I even begin to do? Coming up with no answers, I felt overwhelmingly frustrated. The moment I realized how much I wanted to help that woman and could not was the moment I decided to pursue a career in the sciences, an area of education that could answer the how's and why's that I so desperately craved.
There's little reason not to want to go to Rice. I'm a hands-on learner so what better way is there to learn than through Rice's renowned research program? Its constant breakthroughs in research provide ample opportunities for undergraduates to gain impressive experience in laboratories. Additionally, Rice's Pre-Medical Society offers numerous resources that help students interested in the health professions. Without a doubt, such a plenitude of assistance has contributed to Rice's unparalleled medical school acceptance rate of roughly 90 percent. Whether I end up being a researcher or a doctor, in the Weiss School of Natural Sciences I know I can rest easy because of the a multitude of extraordinary opportunities to explore my options. I choose Rice.
Can someone please give me some advice on what i can do to improve my essay? Thanks!
All I am currently capable of doing in a real life medical emergency situation is watching a scene unfold. In my aerobics class, my instructor suddenly leaped off the stage and ran to the side of the room. Puzzled, I casually glanced over to where the commotion was. I was horrified to see an elderly woman unconscious on the floor. She began to foam at the mouth as her eyes rolled back. The instructor frantically performed CPR and yelled for someone to call 911. The whole time she tried to revive the woman, I watched helplessly, unable to do anything because I lacked the skills needed to save her.
Why did that woman suddenly have an aneurism? Buzzing with a million questions, I felt a wave of curiosity rush over me. If I were even able to help her, what would I even begin to do? Coming up with no answers, I felt overwhelmingly frustrated. The moment I realized how much I wanted to help that woman and could not was the moment I decided to pursue a career in the sciences, an area of education that could answer the how's and why's that I so desperately craved.
There's little reason not to want to go to Rice. I'm a hands-on learner so what better way is there to learn than through Rice's renowned research program? Its constant breakthroughs in research provide ample opportunities for undergraduates to gain impressive experience in laboratories. Additionally, Rice's Pre-Medical Society offers numerous resources that help students interested in the health professions. Without a doubt, such a plenitude of assistance has contributed to Rice's unparalleled medical school acceptance rate of roughly 90 percent. Whether I end up being a researcher or a doctor, in the Weiss School of Natural Sciences I know I can rest easy because of the a multitude of extraordinary opportunities to explore my options. I choose Rice.
