Undergraduate / I have lived in Israel for most of my life/ Stanford (commonapp) -future roommate [3]

Hi, I am applying to Stanford as an international student and am looking for help with their essays. I understand that there is no "right" approach to writing answers to these prompts, but would most definitely like feedback, especially since I do not really have anyone with good enough English to review my essays...

This is the prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (2000 characters)

This is my answer!
Dear roommate,
My name is ****, and I am ***** years old. You might be asking yourself as to why I am going into college only now for my first degree, and what have I done up until now? Well, first of all, I have lived in Israel for most of my life. At the age of eighteen, instead of entering a college, high school students have to join the military (three years for boys, two for girls), which is a mandatory service in our country. I was quite hesitant at first, afraid that I would be wasting these next three precious years of my life instead of pursuing a college degree and working toward a career. But as I look back, I am grateful for the experiences I had, and learned much about life from my service. By the way, I was a commander in the Israeli Air Force. And no, I did not fly planes, but was a commander for ground-based operations that had to do mostly with training and the security of the Air force bases (so no F-16s will be stolen!). Now that I have been released from the army, I believe that I am more focused and ready to enter an academic institution and prepare myself for my future.

As I roomed with other soldiers, I must say that I am among the more tidier and hygienic people, so it is important for me to state that. Cleanliness won't be compromised! Aside from that, I want you to know that although I was in the army, have no worries, for I shed my rough military exterior long ago. I am a very fun person, always enjoying a good laugh and seeking to have a good time. Yet, when the situation demands it, I can also be very serious. Regardless of our age difference and past experiences, I will most definitely treat you as an equal and will never condescend to you. We are both starting a fresh new page in our lives in a brand new environment for the first time, and just as I wouldn't want anyone to ruin it for me, I wouldn't ruin it for anyone else. And since you're my roommate, I got your back!

Looking forward to meeting you.
Sincerely,
Ben Rubin