Undergraduate / Have you ever had acne?/ SELF CONFIDENCE; COMMON APP [3]

Have you ever had acne? If you have ever had acne, you will not understand my feeling. I have been suffering with pimples since I was 15. It is very long time for me. At first, I had pimples just on my forehead but now a day I have all over my face. I have tried to cure it in many ways such as treating with herb, using many treatment products and going to see a dermatologist but I still can't get rid of it. I am not understand why it happened with me. Everybody around me always tells me that it was alright. For sure I am not. They don't understand how I feel and don't know how have it affected my life.

Having many pimples on my face makes me want to hide my face from the world. When I go outside, I have low self-confidence because of this. Once I hung out with my friends and I unexpectedly met my old friend who I didn't meet since I graduated from high school. She asked me "Why do you still have many pimples? I haven't seen you for a long time. So, I think that you can get rid of your pimples" At that time, I was very embarrassed and had really low self-confidence. I was just speechless and smiled sheepishly at her. From that time on, when my parents or my friends ask me to a party or somewhere else, I usually refuse them. I don't like to get close to people because all they do is staring at my pimples. It makes me depressed. Moreover, I don't want people to ask me about my pimples. For example, "Why do you have so many pimples?" "How long did you have pimples?" or "Why don't you go to see a dermatologist?" I really hate to answer these kind of questions and I don't want to answer it at all because it will make me feel worse.

You may think that it is very terrible for me but I will tell you that it is more than you think because I have many pimples not only on my face but on my body also! I can't wear sexy backless dress or go out in a tank top without those nasty red bumps appearing. So, I can't dress fashionably like others who don't have pimples. I often envy my friends when I see them dress fashionably such as tank top, sleeveless shirt and strapless. They look very good and attractive. On the other hand, I always dress in the same style such as t-shirt with jeans. Even though I want to change my clothing style, I can't because I have many pimples on my upper arms. Moreover, I always feel so bad when my friends ask me to go swimming with them but I always avoid it because people will see how terrible they are on my upper arms, chest and back. It makes me feel embarrassed. That is very terrible for me, isn't it?

Since I had pimples, I have spent a lot of money trying different acne treatments and going to different clinics. The reason why I have to change to other clinics is that their treatments don't work for me. I had to pay a lot for acne courses and treatment products. These treatments helped me for a while. Then, pimples came back again. Luckily, now I found an acne clinic which works for me. I have treated my acne at this clinic for 3 months. My dermatologist recommended that I go to see him once a week and pay about 900 baht per week for acne treatment products. Moreover, I have to buy acne courses separately from acne treatment products. Although it is very expensive, it works for me. So, I still have to pay because I have no choice. Now it seems to be helping somewhat but it has left behind deep marks and scars on my face. Getting rid of acne scars isn't easy. It takes very long time. So, I have to buy a foundation which is quite expensive to cover it. I don't know how much I spent for treating my pimples, but I know that I paid a lot for it!

To sum it up, having many pimples has affected my feeling, my teen life in clothing style and my expenses. Now a day, even though I can get rid of most of my pimples, I still have many pimple scars all over my face and body. Every times I see myself in a mirror, I always want to get rid of it as soon as possible. Although I know that it has to take more time to treat it, I always feel bad when I am thinking about it. I always tell myself that I have to admit it. I just hope that someday I can get rid of it.