Writing Feedback / Young vs. Old generation - who is having more fun? - TOEFL [4]

You have some nice ideas and I enjoyed reading it - I think the metaphor of the energy drink is okay but not really necessary! IELTS examiners don't like flashy writing - remember this is an academic test.

Overall though you need to answer the question more clearly. You mentioned young and old people a little, but not very much. I guess that this essay took you a long time to write, as the organization and vocab is quite complex. When you do the actual test you won't have so much time, so I'd keep it simple.

The question is about satisfaction and old and young people. So:

introduction: define "enjoy life" and mention young and old people
Body 1: Young people. Talk about why young people enjoy and don't enjoy life. I'd suggest one plus, one minus.
Body 2: Do the same for older people
Conclusion: explain that both have advantages and disadvantages.

Some of your vocab is also a bit weird, although the level is good. Pacify, curing [his] heels - use another word there.