bedomohamed
Aug 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / Short biography for TEDX TALK and Marketing proposal [4]
dpa
First of all thanks so much for your attention for that piece of writing.After dpa amendments it would be in that form:
Abdelrahman Abdelmoniem is an eighteen years old high school student from Egypt who invented a new inexpensive and eco-friendly recycling method of construction and demolition wastes. He recently won a special recognition at the International Concept Project Competition organized by Middle East Technical University. This was the first time any Arabian or Egyptian student had won this environmental competition. Also, he was chosen for his environmental project to represent Egypt in Intel science competition Arab world 2012 (ISC) in Dubai, UAE. Moreover, he joined a team of three people who invented a new cancer detection method through handwriting analysis. They won the first place nationally in Intel Bibliotheca science and Engineering Fair 2013 (Intel BASEF). More importantly, they won the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair 2013 (Intel ISEF) in Arizona, USA. Also, they were the first Egyptian winners since eight years. In addition, he also won the Egyptian WRO 2012 (Egyptian World Robotics Olympics) and represented Egypt and won in the Arabian WRO (Arabian World Robotics Olympics). Besides, he represented Egypt in the Pan African Mathematical Olympics 2012 (PAMO) for the first time representing Egypt. When you ask about Abdelrahman and you didn't find him doing a research or one of his science experiments in the science lab, you will surely find him listening to one of his favorite sax concrete. He adored music and he is going to double major materials engineering with music major in university.
Don't hesitate to criticize it more that would be too great for me.
dpa
First of all thanks so much for your attention for that piece of writing.After dpa amendments it would be in that form:
Abdelrahman Abdelmoniem is an eighteen years old high school student from Egypt who invented a new inexpensive and eco-friendly recycling method of construction and demolition wastes. He recently won a special recognition at the International Concept Project Competition organized by Middle East Technical University. This was the first time any Arabian or Egyptian student had won this environmental competition. Also, he was chosen for his environmental project to represent Egypt in Intel science competition Arab world 2012 (ISC) in Dubai, UAE. Moreover, he joined a team of three people who invented a new cancer detection method through handwriting analysis. They won the first place nationally in Intel Bibliotheca science and Engineering Fair 2013 (Intel BASEF). More importantly, they won the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair 2013 (Intel ISEF) in Arizona, USA. Also, they were the first Egyptian winners since eight years. In addition, he also won the Egyptian WRO 2012 (Egyptian World Robotics Olympics) and represented Egypt and won in the Arabian WRO (Arabian World Robotics Olympics). Besides, he represented Egypt in the Pan African Mathematical Olympics 2012 (PAMO) for the first time representing Egypt. When you ask about Abdelrahman and you didn't find him doing a research or one of his science experiments in the science lab, you will surely find him listening to one of his favorite sax concrete. He adored music and he is going to double major materials engineering with music major in university.
Don't hesitate to criticize it more that would be too great for me.