Writing Feedback / The influence of the internet has done more harm than good [6]

It's an essay about the influence of the internet. My grade 12 English teacher told me that it is not going to be a good mark and he can't tell me exactly what the problem is. Would you please help me out? Thank you!

The influence of the internet has done more harm than good According to a large survey on Time magazine, 2/3 of people feel that the internet has deeply impact their lives in a negative way. First of all, the internet creates a special, but extremely weak relationship between people, which I will explain in the next paragraph; secondly, there are too many lies and dangerous thoughts on the internet; last but not least, internet does nnot help most teenagers to make their fortune. So in all, internet does more harm than good.

As I state on the lead paragraph: the internet creates a special, but extremely weak relationship between people. The reason that makes it special is because there is no voice, gesture or eye contact required; words are enough, considering people communicate by typing words. However, the friendship or love based only on words is extremely weak, since a typical daily life chatting consists eye contact, voice and components like that. So when they actually meet, as stated in a psychology book, they usually feel disappointed, because people are tend to imagine how each other are like and therefore create a model in their mind. When the expectations does not "meet" the reality, usually the relationship will be broken. Since lots of "not-so-useful" people are keen in making friends or finding someone to love on the internet, there will be plenty of broken relationships, considering the expectation (successful men or women) does not meet the reality (not-so good men or women). As most of people get mad when the relationship is broken, it is very likely that there will be society problems come after it. Therefore, internet does more harm that good.

Further more, there are too many lies and dangerous thoughts on the internet. First of all, lies from professors are one of the most harmful things in the world. I remember a time when a Canadian professor made a positive prediction on a company and many people took him for a leader, since he was a famous professor. However, it turned out that that professor had a dirty relationship with the company, and those people haven't even got their money back by now. Besides of the lies from "professors", there are a great number of random, dangerous thoughts on the internet. Because the internet is mainly based on words, diagrams and medias, it is easy to convince other people by some fake pictures and great but evil articles. Therefore, some people, who have dark minds and evil ideas can spend their thoughts on the internet. People who follow the Muslim "holy war", for instance, often get educated on the internet by those men. In all, internet does more harm than good.

Last but not least, internet does not help most teenagers to make their fortune. According to a world-wide survey on a website, 87 percent of teenagers chose "chilling on the internet" as their first thing to do when they are at home. "Chilling on the internet" does not help one to make his fortune; what's more, it's a waste of time. Gatsby, for example, does not make Windows System by chilling around; Steve Jobs, for instance, does not design the best-selling computer in the world by chilling on the internet as well. However, the reality is most of teenagers do not follow their paths. So in all, the internet does more harm than good.

Even though the internet can be used when one is doing research, is does more harm than good: relationship based on the internet can lead to a series of society problems; people are likely to be brainwashed by the dangerous thought on the internet, and what's more, internet does not help most teenagers to achieve their dreams. On my god, internet is such a harmful monster!