nizarnasir
Apr 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / Suxanne - a story about one of my dreams [3]
please tell me your opinion
Suxanne
Days or nights, there are no difference to me now. My world is dark and it can't be darker. Dead black rats are everywhere, yellowish pukes as drawing on the walls, bed wet with piss, maggots scattered on the left over and shit filled in the hole unflush. All the smells conquer the surrounding air, suffocate me and make me hard to breath. This place is small, confine and fit only me, a hopeless person. It tortured my heart and soul as if I am buried in a grave but the best word to describe it is 'hell'. The hell that I meant to say is a cell. My world is shrinking and this is all because of HER.
No words could describe her fair; no girls can challenge her beauty. It was an eternal beauty that I had never seen before. Her sparkled green eyes were full with passion and desire admires me of her. Rosy cheeks of her bloomed as a pink rose in spring, her watery lips threatened my insanity, her long silky hazelnut colour hair as smooth as china silk, she had a sharp pointed nose and a nicely shaped eyebrows. Her odour inspired me and by just looking at her, it gave me strength to face tomorrow. Angels that could be compared to her.
There is no way to express my love to her. I am willing to do anything for her and to see a smile on that lovely face. She controlled my mind and taught me how to love. She was and is the only women I had in my life. Suxanne, the name that were always be in my mind and in my heart. It is the name I will carry with me until the day I throw my last breath of my life. No matter what she had done before, I cannot be angry to her but others had to be sacrificed.
On a splendid Sunday evening, the sun was high above the beautiful blue skies started to go down, birds chirping happily soothing the ears and wind blew slowly shaking the trees in rhythm. Helen, Suxanne and I were in high spirits and the mood was set for an enjoyable evening. We laughed till our sides hurt while preparing for the barbeque until at one point I could not stand talking to Suxanne with the presence of Helen. I wanted some privacy. Luckily Helen understood me. So, I took Suxanne's hand and we walked in Helen's backyard garden. We then sat on a swing, "dear, do you remember this swing? The swing where everything started," I said romantically and she replied "I will never forget this swing, Will, the place of our first meeting. It gave me a shoulder to cry on, a place for me to express my feelings and a person for me to laugh with. It gave me you, William Turner." Out of a sudden, I received a text from Helen asking for my help.
I helped Helen preparing for the barbeque late that evening. I realised that Suxanne was not around since the moment I helped Helen until everything was done, but the thing that surprised me the most was Harry, he still had not arrived although it was already 6.40pm. The barbeque was planned to start at 6.00 p.m. I knew Harry and he was my best friend and a punctual guy. "Will, can you please take a bag of charcoal at the store under the stairs? It is just beside the kitchen", said Helen. I walked towards the storeroom. While doing so, I remembered the moment between Suxanne and I at the backyard just now. A few steps before I turned the door knob, Suxanne and Harry came out in a rush with messy condition. Their clothes were buttoned wrongly. Both of them came out from the store suspiciously. I was flabbergasted and shocked till my heart beat stopped for a second. I was so angry that my blood boiled.
Although I was full with anger, but I still had my insanity. I went near them and asked nicely and as calm as I could "what are both of you doing under the stairs??? Why are you in mess, Suxanne??? You had buttoned your shirt wrongly." Only god knew what I had felt at that very time. My heavenly dreams were crushed and fell from the highest point to a place that could not be defined. My heart was torn to pieces and they almost took the last breath of mine. Suxanne then cried her eyes out and ran towards the kitchen's door to the backyard. The hallway was eerie silence with two best friends standing in the dim light and looking at each other. I asked him again without any stress in my voice "Harry, tell me the truth. It is all what I need". He answered, "Nothing had happened Will, and we were just arranging the store". I pushed him hard, again and again and again until we were at the kitchen's door. "Why don't you pushed me back Harry, you had seriously done something right??? DAMN you, answer me!!!" my hands were shaking uncontrollably and my skin was just as hot as molten lava. I strangled him with rage and fury at the kitchen's door and knocked his head several times.
"Come on, I want to know the truth, I know there is something going on. I am not stupid, Harry. We are best friends. I would cut my wrist because of you; I just want you to answer me what had happened between you and Suxanne?" I took a knife near on the table near the door and asked Harry to be the witness of my loyalty as a friend. I then cut my wrist slowly but the blood were dripping fast as if there will be no end. "Are you insane, Will??? I will tell you the truth but you have to be strong, because the truth is always hurtful. Suxanne and I were having an affair since the night of your birthday party". At that moment, my heart stopped and tears ran down my cheeks like a heavy rain. The last sentence had mangled my heart and killed many nerves and neurones in my brain. No words could express my agony.
AHHHH!!!! I screamed till the top of my lungs. With red burnings eyes of anger and the aura of hotness around me, I shouted, asking him to get out. He turned around and in a split of seconds, I took an axe near the door and CUT OFF his head. Harry's body fell to the ground while his head rolled to my feet. I was conquered with anger and rage, I then chopped his body into pieces. Then, I cried loudly, looking at what I had done. My best friend was everywhere. It was such a scary situation. My body was shaking soaked with blood and the wall of the kitchen near me, turns red from white.
Suddenly, Suxanne opened the kitchen's door and screamed hysterically. She looked at me and knew that I am not stable at that time and just as afraid and sad as she was. She tried to come to me and relaxing me out, but when she arrive and hug me. The image of her and Harry came to my mind and simultaneously took my insanity AGAIN. It felt like she was tearing my chest and stabbing my heart. Unconsciously, I replied her hug with a knife still in my right hand and stabbed her back. "Why???" she asked. "It is because I loved you Suxanne, and I don't want things like this to happen again. You will never cheat on me ever again." I explained.
This is why I am here right now, in a cell, the hell of my life. I am facing this cruel life alone, with no best friends and Suxanne. A guard arrive and tell me that it is time. I get up with heavy heart but I know that it is better than leaving in this hell forever. I learned that nothing is eternal, things will be destroy, plants will wilt and man will die. The difference between me and everybody else is that I know my time of death. I get out from the cell and stand in the hallway, the isle of death. The room of darkness and justice is now just 5 feet away from me. I enter the room and there is nothing in my mind at this very time, except for the girl of my life, the reason of I am where I am now, SUXANNE.
please tell me your opinion
Suxanne
Days or nights, there are no difference to me now. My world is dark and it can't be darker. Dead black rats are everywhere, yellowish pukes as drawing on the walls, bed wet with piss, maggots scattered on the left over and shit filled in the hole unflush. All the smells conquer the surrounding air, suffocate me and make me hard to breath. This place is small, confine and fit only me, a hopeless person. It tortured my heart and soul as if I am buried in a grave but the best word to describe it is 'hell'. The hell that I meant to say is a cell. My world is shrinking and this is all because of HER.
No words could describe her fair; no girls can challenge her beauty. It was an eternal beauty that I had never seen before. Her sparkled green eyes were full with passion and desire admires me of her. Rosy cheeks of her bloomed as a pink rose in spring, her watery lips threatened my insanity, her long silky hazelnut colour hair as smooth as china silk, she had a sharp pointed nose and a nicely shaped eyebrows. Her odour inspired me and by just looking at her, it gave me strength to face tomorrow. Angels that could be compared to her.
There is no way to express my love to her. I am willing to do anything for her and to see a smile on that lovely face. She controlled my mind and taught me how to love. She was and is the only women I had in my life. Suxanne, the name that were always be in my mind and in my heart. It is the name I will carry with me until the day I throw my last breath of my life. No matter what she had done before, I cannot be angry to her but others had to be sacrificed.
On a splendid Sunday evening, the sun was high above the beautiful blue skies started to go down, birds chirping happily soothing the ears and wind blew slowly shaking the trees in rhythm. Helen, Suxanne and I were in high spirits and the mood was set for an enjoyable evening. We laughed till our sides hurt while preparing for the barbeque until at one point I could not stand talking to Suxanne with the presence of Helen. I wanted some privacy. Luckily Helen understood me. So, I took Suxanne's hand and we walked in Helen's backyard garden. We then sat on a swing, "dear, do you remember this swing? The swing where everything started," I said romantically and she replied "I will never forget this swing, Will, the place of our first meeting. It gave me a shoulder to cry on, a place for me to express my feelings and a person for me to laugh with. It gave me you, William Turner." Out of a sudden, I received a text from Helen asking for my help.
I helped Helen preparing for the barbeque late that evening. I realised that Suxanne was not around since the moment I helped Helen until everything was done, but the thing that surprised me the most was Harry, he still had not arrived although it was already 6.40pm. The barbeque was planned to start at 6.00 p.m. I knew Harry and he was my best friend and a punctual guy. "Will, can you please take a bag of charcoal at the store under the stairs? It is just beside the kitchen", said Helen. I walked towards the storeroom. While doing so, I remembered the moment between Suxanne and I at the backyard just now. A few steps before I turned the door knob, Suxanne and Harry came out in a rush with messy condition. Their clothes were buttoned wrongly. Both of them came out from the store suspiciously. I was flabbergasted and shocked till my heart beat stopped for a second. I was so angry that my blood boiled.
Although I was full with anger, but I still had my insanity. I went near them and asked nicely and as calm as I could "what are both of you doing under the stairs??? Why are you in mess, Suxanne??? You had buttoned your shirt wrongly." Only god knew what I had felt at that very time. My heavenly dreams were crushed and fell from the highest point to a place that could not be defined. My heart was torn to pieces and they almost took the last breath of mine. Suxanne then cried her eyes out and ran towards the kitchen's door to the backyard. The hallway was eerie silence with two best friends standing in the dim light and looking at each other. I asked him again without any stress in my voice "Harry, tell me the truth. It is all what I need". He answered, "Nothing had happened Will, and we were just arranging the store". I pushed him hard, again and again and again until we were at the kitchen's door. "Why don't you pushed me back Harry, you had seriously done something right??? DAMN you, answer me!!!" my hands were shaking uncontrollably and my skin was just as hot as molten lava. I strangled him with rage and fury at the kitchen's door and knocked his head several times.
"Come on, I want to know the truth, I know there is something going on. I am not stupid, Harry. We are best friends. I would cut my wrist because of you; I just want you to answer me what had happened between you and Suxanne?" I took a knife near on the table near the door and asked Harry to be the witness of my loyalty as a friend. I then cut my wrist slowly but the blood were dripping fast as if there will be no end. "Are you insane, Will??? I will tell you the truth but you have to be strong, because the truth is always hurtful. Suxanne and I were having an affair since the night of your birthday party". At that moment, my heart stopped and tears ran down my cheeks like a heavy rain. The last sentence had mangled my heart and killed many nerves and neurones in my brain. No words could express my agony.
AHHHH!!!! I screamed till the top of my lungs. With red burnings eyes of anger and the aura of hotness around me, I shouted, asking him to get out. He turned around and in a split of seconds, I took an axe near the door and CUT OFF his head. Harry's body fell to the ground while his head rolled to my feet. I was conquered with anger and rage, I then chopped his body into pieces. Then, I cried loudly, looking at what I had done. My best friend was everywhere. It was such a scary situation. My body was shaking soaked with blood and the wall of the kitchen near me, turns red from white.
Suddenly, Suxanne opened the kitchen's door and screamed hysterically. She looked at me and knew that I am not stable at that time and just as afraid and sad as she was. She tried to come to me and relaxing me out, but when she arrive and hug me. The image of her and Harry came to my mind and simultaneously took my insanity AGAIN. It felt like she was tearing my chest and stabbing my heart. Unconsciously, I replied her hug with a knife still in my right hand and stabbed her back. "Why???" she asked. "It is because I loved you Suxanne, and I don't want things like this to happen again. You will never cheat on me ever again." I explained.
This is why I am here right now, in a cell, the hell of my life. I am facing this cruel life alone, with no best friends and Suxanne. A guard arrive and tell me that it is time. I get up with heavy heart but I know that it is better than leaving in this hell forever. I learned that nothing is eternal, things will be destroy, plants will wilt and man will die. The difference between me and everybody else is that I know my time of death. I get out from the cell and stand in the hallway, the isle of death. The room of darkness and justice is now just 5 feet away from me. I enter the room and there is nothing in my mind at this very time, except for the girl of my life, the reason of I am where I am now, SUXANNE.
