Graduate / sop for my toruism course visa. need help on improving it. thnx [2]

I am Neelabh Sagar. I belong to a middle class service family. My father is employed as Senior Manager with Allahabad bank. My mother is a home maker. I have an elder sister who completed her PGDM from IIM and working as a consultant in an educational consultancy firm in Lucknow.

I graduated from International Institute of Hospitality and Management in Delhi in 2007; under 2+1 (two years in India & one year in the UK -top up degree option). During the completions of my 2 years with IIHM, I was selected for an international Internship for the period of 6 months from world's known hotel - Hyatt Regency Dubai in 2008. During this period I realized the value of proper education & international exposure.

I completed my B.A (Hospitality Management) from Edinburgh Napier University Scotland (UK) in 2010 as a part of my program.
Work Experience: (1/2010 To 12/2012)
My experience as an intern in Hotel Hyatt -Dubai helped me a lot in getting part time jobs with different hotels and subsequently got a break in Howies Restaurant ltd - one of the well known chains of Restaurants in Scottish ethnic cuisine where I worked for almost 2 years. I joined this restaurant as a server and gradually promoted. My last position was as a Duty Manager. I left UK in January, 2013

1/2013 to 8/2013:
During this period I did lots of research on employment / further education and possibilities /scope of business opportunities in India specially in Hospitality and tourism Industry and was heartened to discover that after Education it is the Tourism Industry in India which is growing at faster rate and have tremendous scope of employment as well as business in this sector . Even Government of India as well as our state Government of Uttar Pradesh has got so many schemes for new entrepreneurs to promote tourism Industry.

After careful review of all the opportunities and skill requirements I realized the need to gain some more knowledge & experience in Tourism field as I already had enough in hospitality, hence decided to do some Postgraduate studies in tourism. Having studied & lived in the UK , I wanted to gain some knowledge & experience on how the Tourism Industry works the eastern part of the world but mainly in Canada .

While I was exploring further study options abroad in Tourism, I came across Thompson Rivers University's representative in my Town (Mr. Amit Goyel) and he explained me in detail about scope of employment and business opportunities in B.C region of Canada in Tourism field . After thorough study and discussion with my parents, friends and relative, I decided to take P.G in Tourism at Thompson Rivers University -Kamloops with all seriousness.

As you will notice from the trail mail I was assured by Mr. Amit Goyel for place in Tourism Experience Management program but later on due to some confusion and miscommunication among International Department and faculty on English requirements for this particular program I was offered P.G Diploma in Marketing. I was also given to understand that upon arrival at TRU I will have to take English placement test (EPT) before changing into Tourism Program.

I submitted my tuition fee and also transferred CND$ 10,000 in my GIC account but my student permit application was declined. I have still not taken refund from University as well as GIC .

(Copy of refusal letter & updated GIC certificate included)
After the refusal of my application I communicated with the university and clarified on IELTS requirements and the assurance I was given at the first place, my request was considered as an exceptional case and now has been offered to study Tourism program commencing in January, 2014.

9/2013 to till date:
I am now employed with Hotel Marvel Umed Rajasthan as Assistant Manager (F&B) but my endeavor is still to remain focused on upgrading my knowledge & skills in Tourism field, gain some experience and then venture into my own business back home.

My parents & grand parents have been very supportive towards my decision and will support my further studies and will also cooperate on my any future business venture depending on the then circumstances.

Imbued with enthusiasms & motivation trust I will be able to complete my proposed course of studies with all seriousness and dedication.
Hope my new application will be considered with all fairness keeping all the facts & figures in respect of academic pursuit, personal and financial circumstances in view and in the interest of equal opportunity and natural justice.

Neelabh Sagar .