Posts by roseblack1360

roseblack1360

Nov 29, 2013

Writing Feedback / My view on a perfect Society! [6]

Thanks :) This was my first essay in IELTS Task 2, It had a lot of mistakes. I know I have problem with punctuation. So, I think i must review punctuation and grammar. I'm appreciated your reply

roseblack1360

Nov 29, 2013

Writing Feedback / bar graph task 1 spending money on entertainment [9]

In IELTS Taks 1, you should make more comparison

We can see that the highest amount of money was related to the United States, because it was over $250 billion in 2000 in comparison with the spending sum in the same country in 1995

it can be seen from the chart that the highest amount of money was United state, which made up over $250 million in comparison with other countries -> that is overview

the comparison in US between 2001 and1995, I think you should put it in paragraph detail

roseblack1360

Nov 9, 2013

Writing Feedback / My view on a perfect Society! [6]

oh sorry, I forgot, This Writing for IELTS, This is Topic: "Through history, people have dreamed about forming a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be. What do you think is the most important element of an ideal society? How can people work to achieve an ideal society"?

roseblack1360

Nov 9, 2013

Writing Feedback / My view on a perfect Society! [6]

There have variety of definition for a perfect society, which could be depended on different point of views. In my opinion, a perfect society can be described as a place where has a good basic social security, everybody lives in safe life.

The most crucial element to become a perfect society is social security system which can be seen as a fundamental level of food, shelter, especially education and healthy care facilities that are necessary for survival of all human. Take developed countries such as US for instance, there had a good welfare system. All of the children can go to school and the tuition fees are paid by government until they reach at the age of 18. Retirement pension, Survivor's benefifs, which are for the elder who are too old to work. In addition, a Public Service for low income persons was set up, such as Public low income housing which money is given by government to people who do not earn much, to help them find a place for living. Food stamps, Medicaid that are the systems provide food and medical care for poor people.

The second point for ideal society needs to be considered is safe life. If there are no crimes such as theft, burglary or robbery in society, people will not live in fear. For example, Hong Kong where people live in control of law. Police officers who walk or drive around to make sure that there are no trouble or crime. Patrolling can be seen everywhere.

However, It is a very difficult task to create an ideal society. In order to do that, there are somethings must be followed. Firstly, all people have to get on well with each other, each person who live in society must obey the laws and rules, which is published by government. Secondly, People have to go to work, do not live base on social benefits. There have no development or economy will come down, sooner or later, this society will wipe-out if all people live on benefits

In conclusion, a perfect society can be created if all people agree to cooperate in planning and achieving to make a great future