SydAustralia
Nov 25, 2013
Undergraduate / I've lived in Chatsworth, CA for most of my life; UC ( world you come from) [5]
Thank you for the revisions, I really appreciate it. :)
Thank you for the revisions, I really appreciate it. :)
SydAustralia
Nov 25, 2013
Undergraduate / 'the National Blue Ribbon' - UC/personal essay [9]
I thought the essay was well written. There are a few grammatical errors here and there but overall a quick revision should do the trick. :)
I thought the essay was well written. There are a few grammatical errors here and there but overall a quick revision should do the trick. :)
SydAustralia
Nov 24, 2013
Undergraduate / I've lived in Chatsworth, CA for most of my life; UC ( world you come from) [5]
Dont be afraid to give me pointers. Tell me everything I need to improve this essay :)
Prompt- Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My dreams and aspirations have always been shaped by the good and bad aspects of the world I come from. I've lived in Chatsworth, CA for most of my life and to say the least I've found it somewhat boring. I would go to school each day, pay attention in class and spend half an hour with my friends before it was time to go home. The weekend was dull as well, with the exception of friends coming over. It wasn't until fifth grade when I discovered I had the ability to make my life a little more exciting.
The school library let anyone write their own books and have people check them out. I decided to write a book of my own to see if anyone would want to read it. My first book out of three was called "Poems, Poems, Poems" and it was filled with short rhymes you'd expected from a fifth grader, but what shaped me was how I managed to fill an entire book filled with these poems.
When thinking of topics to write about, I would sit outside during lunch by myself and look at the other children playing. The ladybugs on the ground would crawl on top of the fallen leaves and the tree trunks. Those little things in nature are what inspired me to fill up the entire book. I was immersed in the stories nature would tell, whether it was about an ant carrying a bread crumb three times its size or a leaf falling off a tree branch.
The more I noticed the tiny details, the more I wanted to write and read about other life experiences. Books like Harry Potter and Hoot were my favorites because they lead me to completely different scenarios of living. All these stories were so different and exhilarating.
Even though most of the books I read are works of fiction, they have inspired me in more ways than one. They make me want to visit other places filled with an array of cultures and stories. My life in Chatsworth isn't always the most invigorating but I know I can change that by not limiting where my life can take me. So far I have visited New York, Georgia, Washington D.C., and even China, but I'm not going to stop there. The world is like a book itself, and I intend to read every page of it.
Dont be afraid to give me pointers. Tell me everything I need to improve this essay :)
Prompt- Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My dreams and aspirations have always been shaped by the good and bad aspects of the world I come from. I've lived in Chatsworth, CA for most of my life and to say the least I've found it somewhat boring. I would go to school each day, pay attention in class and spend half an hour with my friends before it was time to go home. The weekend was dull as well, with the exception of friends coming over. It wasn't until fifth grade when I discovered I had the ability to make my life a little more exciting.
The school library let anyone write their own books and have people check them out. I decided to write a book of my own to see if anyone would want to read it. My first book out of three was called "Poems, Poems, Poems" and it was filled with short rhymes you'd expected from a fifth grader, but what shaped me was how I managed to fill an entire book filled with these poems.
When thinking of topics to write about, I would sit outside during lunch by myself and look at the other children playing. The ladybugs on the ground would crawl on top of the fallen leaves and the tree trunks. Those little things in nature are what inspired me to fill up the entire book. I was immersed in the stories nature would tell, whether it was about an ant carrying a bread crumb three times its size or a leaf falling off a tree branch.
The more I noticed the tiny details, the more I wanted to write and read about other life experiences. Books like Harry Potter and Hoot were my favorites because they lead me to completely different scenarios of living. All these stories were so different and exhilarating.
Even though most of the books I read are works of fiction, they have inspired me in more ways than one. They make me want to visit other places filled with an array of cultures and stories. My life in Chatsworth isn't always the most invigorating but I know I can change that by not limiting where my life can take me. So far I have visited New York, Georgia, Washington D.C., and even China, but I'm not going to stop there. The world is like a book itself, and I intend to read every page of it.
