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Posts by ttejo
Name: Tejo
Joined: Dec 14, 2013
Last Post: Dec 23, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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ttejo   
Dec 22, 2013
Undergraduate / I was surrounded by ever-changing views; Common App Prompt 4 [3]

This is actually an awesome essay! The only thing that I would tell you to change is maybe focus a little more on the PLACE. You talk about it in the first half, but then you sort of drifted on to challenges. This essay portrays your character but don't stray from the prompt! :)
ttejo   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / The little girl who influenced me; Princeton essay [7]

Unconsciously, the summer after encountering her with hostility in India, I became an avid volunteer. I changed my career path from one beneficial to me, to one where I could help make changes in the world through advocating and speaking for the poverty-ridden people. She stimulated my sense of humanity.

Should I expand on this then?
ttejo   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / The little girl who influenced me; Princeton essay [7]

Princeton essay topic: Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.

Hi guys! This is my essay and it's 607 words so I have plenty of space to revise/add to it. I just want help and advice with editing it. It would also be nice if someone told me if this was up to par with princeton's quality.

It's the child that I remember with perfect clarity. She is impossible to forget. Her tiny hands, naked feet, her tattered clothing, or rather lack of clothing. I remember lounging in my uncle's air-conditioned car while travelling through the clogged roads of our large town in India. I closed my eyes, tired from our day of shopping when this little girl interrupted my slumber. She looked no older than five years, yet she was standing in the middle of the road in stopped traffic, tapping on my glass window with her bony little hands. Sympathy arose and I opened the window as I addressed her; she cupped one hand and lifted it to my face. I assumed that she was begging for money, but before I could move, she scrunched her fingers together and put them to her mouth. She was hungry. Yet again, before I acted she moved her fingers over to a tiny body she was carrying that I had not previously noticed. Nestled against her was a baby, even smaller than her, wailing uncontrollably. The girl's clamped hand moved over to the infant's mouth, signaling that she wasn't the one who needed food- her sister was.

I hastily turned to my uncle, "Mavaya, can I give her the snacks we bought? She needs to feed her sister!" My uncle gave me an incredulous glance and with a quick shake of his head he said, "The money will only be stolen from them by a man who organizes all the poor people to beg for him." I pursued my request since the traffic was still, but he only turned further and further away from my window. He refused to respond and staring out ahead of him he closed the window letting the cool air dissipate through the car again, blocking out his rising guilt.

That's when I felt the separation. The cold air was no longer soothing; it only served as a reminder of the heartless way we had denied someone in need. How could we so blatantly ignore the flagrant and depressing condition that the girl was in? I was appalled by the lack of concern. Opening the window was not an option; I had been warned against it. I had no power. I could not influence others to care or show compassion.

When my American friends think of poverty, they imagine panhandlers who occupy the streets, the local supermarkets, or wait around the soup kitchen that my they volunteered at, once a long time ago. I imagine the streets of India. I see the little girl with the tortured, haunted eyes, forever preserved in my memory. She is my motivation. I saw her in a time and in an environment where I had no clout or aim. Unconsciously, the summer after encountering her with hostility in India, I became an avid volunteer. I changed my career path from one beneficial to me, to one where I could help make changes in the world through advocating and speaking for the poverty-ridden people. She stimulated my sense of humanity.

The Hindu Seva Association and the Greater Washington Telugu Society, (GWTCS), have provided me with many opportunities to lead the youth of Virginia to make a difference. The youth council of the Association has fundraised for donating money to kids across India, affecting the quality of their life and education.

Sometimes the ones who influence us the most influence us in ways that are not easily quantified. The little girl to whom I did not ever utter a word has impacted my life drastically. She taught me that true heroism is associated with compassion and dedication.
ttejo   
Dec 14, 2013
Undergraduate / "Obstinate- to obstruct"; UVA-Word Essay 2013 (Evanescent changed me) [3]

Hi! This is my first time with this. The essay topic is: "What is your favorite word and why". I'm having trouble actually liking my essay. I've gotten a few yes's and a no, so I'm on the fence about this. I feel like I need to write more about myself but it's already at 299 words and the limit was 250. Please help me make it better and shorter maybe? Thank you!

I sat stiffly in the dimly lit classroom listening to the teacher drone on about words, trying not to move as that would lead me to discover cold territories of the chair again. "Obstinate- to obstruct", know it. "Immutable-unchangeable", sigh, know it. "Evanescent- lasts a second!", and I whipped my head up. My initial reaction was to repeat the ten letter word to myself. The stranger next to me probably questioned my sanity but I grinned, liking the way the word melted off my tongue. I straightened up and looked at the definitions in front of me, pinpointing my new fascination for what I wrongly believed would be the next five minutes.

Evanescent translates directly to mean "fleeting; soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence". The mere sound of the word "evanescent" joins with its meaning to produce a perfect whole. The definition is hauntingly beautiful but at first glance, I disliked it. To me, beauty has always been tied with some sort of happiness and happiness with long-lasting ideas or objects. Life-long marriage, favorable personality traits, and long books are all ideas I associate with beauty, but evanescent cannot describe any of those.

The inconsistency this word provided me with led me to experience a conflict with my stubborn perspective and my love of the word. With a short-lived desperation to use "evanescent" in public, I began trying to see the positive aspects of ephemeral events like a summer sunset, or a behaved car ride to the store with my young cousins. "Evanescent" changed me to realize that life is not all in constancy. Change brings new experiences, sometimes welcome, and sometimes not, but momentary joys exist. Striving for a planned future is beneficial, but the passing moments should be spent meaningfully, after all, they are evanescent.
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