poptarttoasta
Dec 15, 2013
Undergraduate / I love to learn about Sola system & Universe; Urbana champaign essay - interest in major [4]
In my opinion, you have a very rough transition jumping from interests in celestial bodies to nuclear physics since both paragraphs are only really joined by a commonality of reading. Personally, I think it would be more effective if you stated how after reading tons of literature on astronomy and other things on the topic of space, you stumbled upon the very answer to all of your previous questions (which would be atoms, quarks, and other subatomic particles). After stating that, follow it up into your experience in reading about nuclear physics.
The anecdote is a very fun read, but considering that your intended major (assuming from the essay) is particle physics, you should cut down the references to space-walking, walking on other planets, etc. The anecdote shouldn't take up a good portion of the essay This transitions into my next critique: your future goals. It's very important for colleges to recognize that you have a planned out future as opposed to just straight-up YOLO'ing it.
In my opinion, you have a very rough transition jumping from interests in celestial bodies to nuclear physics since both paragraphs are only really joined by a commonality of reading. Personally, I think it would be more effective if you stated how after reading tons of literature on astronomy and other things on the topic of space, you stumbled upon the very answer to all of your previous questions (which would be atoms, quarks, and other subatomic particles). After stating that, follow it up into your experience in reading about nuclear physics.
The anecdote is a very fun read, but considering that your intended major (assuming from the essay) is particle physics, you should cut down the references to space-walking, walking on other planets, etc. The anecdote shouldn't take up a good portion of the essay This transitions into my next critique: your future goals. It's very important for colleges to recognize that you have a planned out future as opposed to just straight-up YOLO'ing it.
