Undergraduate / Dream China train journey - I want to transfer to MSU - transfer essay. [NEW]

Michigan State University recognizes that an assortment of interests, viewpoints, and life experiences are important in student learning and enhance the university community. Describe an experience, passion, or characteristic that illustrates what you would contribute to the MSU community and how this will add to the overall richness of campus life.

my essay:

Cheers for myself
15 years old I embarked on a dream journey; the train headed south would bring me from a small city in the northern China to the capital Beijing nine hours later. I would study in an excellent high school which lots of peers were longing for. I aspired to the life there, how would that be?

I jumped for joy when I received the admission letter of the High School Affiliated to Central University of Nationalities which meant I was one step closer to my dream. I could not stop imaging about my brand-new life, living in the school dormitory like university students, with the most outstanding students across China, and taking care of myself like adults.

However, very soon, my excitement of the new environment and new classmates faded, instead of a sense of lonely and nonplussed overwhelmed me. Two-third of my classmates came from the southern of China. When they were chatting in their own dialect which was like a foreign language to me, I could only sit in the corner like a local alien. Over the weekends, when they were playing Bridge in the dormitory, which was a puzzle game they played from childhood, but I had never contacted before, I could only looking on the side like an outsider. It was not like the life as I expected. I was the class monitor from primary school, and I was always the person all my classmates wanted to be friends with.

As I saw the tryout post of the school orchestra, I signed up without thinking, I had to find my circle in high school. With my enthusiasm about music and the ten-years' long hardworking I had put on playing piano, I was not only the piano accompaniment, but also like a Wikipedia in music. When other students in orchestra had problems with music theory or wanted to know more about the background of some pieces, they always just came to ask me. Gradually, they were getting used to chat in Mandarin; I could understand some of their dialect as well. On the general election, most classmates(they are students in the orchestra, but I don't know how to say) elected me to be the student colonel of our school orchestra. After a year of learning together and mutual cooperation, we became a brilliant orchestra and gained the honorable mention in the School Orchestra Contest among high schools in Beijing, which is the first prize for our school orchestra. Our music teacher surprised at the improvement of our orchestra after I became the colonel. She let me organize the opening ceremony of the annual sports meeting. I went to Central Conservatory of Music to learn the soundtrack and became an auditor of the Beijing Dance Academy after school to learn the art of choreography at the stage. I discussed each move with best dancers in our school. After all of these basic tasks done, I taught students in my year the dance section by section, and rehearsed the whole dance for several times on the weekends. About two months later, on the podium of the stadium, I saw the audience all stood up cheering for our performance, this time, it was much more than what I expected.

Thank you very very much!
I am not a native speaker, so grammar, word use may be in trouble, I need you help.