Hbdean
Jan 25, 2014
Graduate / Personal Statment for PhD In Biomedical Science Doctoral Protal [4]
Ever since I was a child, I was interested in medicine and the healing of those who are ill or injured. I have since been blessed with many wonderful opportunities to learn and to share my skills and medical knowledge. Below is a carefully revised chronological log of my medical expertise and skills.
I became interested in research when I was a student in the former Soviet Union. In 1990 I attended Nizhny Novgorod State Medical Academy in Russia. From there, I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Internal Medicine in 1995. From the summer of 1995 to 1998, I worked as a r esearch a ssistant for Professor Yuri Ivanovich Yezhov at the Scientific Research Institute of Traumatology and Orthopedics_ (which was also affiliated with Nizhny Novgorod State Medical Academy). Here I attained my Master's Degree in Traumatology, Orthopedics and Thermal Injury. I worked there for two years rotating in different departments, counseling patients and doing research and development in the campus laboratories. As an assistant, I was able to help Dr. Yezhov set up his laboratory, which provided me with a variety of learning experiences, which enabled me [Not technically wrong, but repeating reflexive pronouns is awkward. Try either "learning experiencesandenabled" or removing the entire part about learning experiences] to become familiar in setting up and programming several diagnostic and investigative equipments. In addition I also organized the data that was collected.[redundant. Try "In addition I_organized" or "I also organized"]
There I also investigated the effects of osteoporosis, osteomyelitis, and bone demineralization (o st eomalacia) in Professor Yezhov laboratory[Redundant. Pick either "There" or "in Professor Yezhov'slaboratory"] . I learned to investigate infectious diseases. For example, I learned that CRP is C- reactive protein, ESR is for Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate, and PV is for Plasma Viscosity. These tests are commonly used to detect the increase in protein and are markers of inflammation. I would like to cite an example of research experience as follow
My involvement in research was in my first internship i n Russia under supervision of Prof . Klementov at Simashko T eaching H ospital C entral Laboratory, which is affiliated to Nizhny Novgorod State M edical Academy. The research was investigated the difference in permeability of lipid bilayer to different molecules such as Oxygen (O2), Potassium(K), Calcium(Ca), Sodium(Na), and Glucose in normal condition and under pressure to the structure of the human cell_ membrane. [redundant. Pick either "lipid bilayer" or "human cell membrane"] The research was conducted with an association of group of physicians whose ultimate goal is to use the research outcome in cancer and diabetes treatments.
The second research I participated in was the use of hyperbaric oxygenation therapy_ with an antibiotic regimen_ and surgical debridement to treat chronic osteomyelitis comparing it to the use of an antibiotic alone. The study aimed to overcome the increase of bacterial resistance (MRSA) to antibiotics. The finding discovered that the use of 20 mmHg of 100% oxygen for 60 to 120 minutes for 50 to 60 treatments along with an antibiotic regimen is sufficient to promote collagen production, improve angiogenesis, and accelerate wound healing and reduction of the ischemic process.
In another study I investigated the effect of chronic alcohol exposure or consumption on osteoporosis. Two groups of animals [mice? rabbits? fruit flies?] were used: aged 2 & 3 months respectively. They were fed_ alcohol for about 10 months. Initially, the insulin like growth factor (IGF-1) was adequately measured and recorded for all groups including the control groups. The finding revealed that the level of IGF-1 dramatically decreased for the 3 month (Older) groups while the younger and control groups maintained the normal level at the same age[same age as each other or as the 3 month group?] . The research revealed that chronic alcohol consumption by younger adolescents will affect growth more than_ bone integrity; however, the mechanical propriety[properties?] of the bones would be severely compromised. In conclusion, prolonged alcohol consumption_ facilitates o steoporosis.
During my s econd year, Dr. Yezhov was confident enough to allow me to be in charge of several research projects, organizing laboratory materials, and editing and cleaning data. Ever since then, I have been very interested in and fascinated with scientific research. [You may want to remove the previous sentence. It sounds as if you did an entire year of research before this without interest or fascination.]
In 2000, I came to t he United States and enrolled in an undergraduate program at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU)_ in the School of Radiation Science and earned a Bachelor of Science in n uclear m edicine. In 2006, I was selected to be on the Dean's List at VCU. Also, I received The Royce Osborne Minority Student Scholarship for Outstanding Achievement. I found myself eager to learn more about radiation sciences as a tool for diagnosis and treatment of cancer. I became motivated to find a way to further my education. [Again, it sounds like this is your first motivation.] I went to Thomas Jefferson University under the tutelage of Dr. John Lewis where I received a Master's Degree in Radiological Science and Molecular Imaging. While there, I was able to complete my graduate pilot research study in which I investigated Positron Emission Tomography with Computed Tomography (PET/CT) and its clinical application in oncology_ compared to other conventional diagnostic imaging modalities in detecting liver carcinoma while taking an active leadership role in preparing literature reviews, reviewing scholarly articles, and discussed them with my adviser. [I would break the previous sentence into shorter pieces. It is hard to follow.] These opportunities provided me with invaluable experiences that enhanced my graduate training.[How? Be a bit more specific here about experiences and enhancement.]
These experiences allowed me to observe some of the difficulties and challenges involved with research preparation and presentation. [The previous sentence will work better if you are more specific about difficulties and challenges in the paragraph before.] However, I also found out how satisfying research projects can be when completed. Submitting my research results to my advisor for review was the most amazing and satisfying feeling that I have ever experienced. As a result, I remain passionate about designing and conducting my own scientific research in b iomedical s cience.
I am currently interested in obtaining a Ph.D. in Biomedical Science. The Ph.D. not only would provide me with more specific knowledge and research opportunities at the graduate level, but it would serve as a crucial scientific foundation in the career field of Biomedical Science. [The "not only ... but" framework sounds cliche unless the two sides have more contrast.] Having an academic degree_ would allow me to discover disease etiologies, pathogenesis, mechanisms of disease development,[etiology, pathogenesis and mechanism of development mean the same thing (not arguing semantics), pick one] and effective treatment options. Having a Ph.D. in Biomedical Science would give me an _ opportunity to educate and advise others, while expanding my scientific foundation base [redundant] and continuing my educational and research development.
Currently I work full time as a t echnical d irector_ for the Microbiology Department at Schneider Global Laboratories. My main responsibility is developing standard operation procedures, running all microbiology testing for drinking water to identify total coliforms bacteria, Escherichia Coli (E.Coli), Klebsiella pneumoniae, and Pseudomonas Aeruginosa. [awkward, I suggest "proceduresandidentifying[quantifying] coliforms, like Escherichiacoli , Klebsiella pneumoniae, and Pseudomonasaeruginosa, in drinking water." ] Additionally, I am in charge of state_ and national accreditation standards related to Microbiology Testing Methods. I hold teaching sessions and training for staff and review the data and reporting of results using Sample Master and SLIMS software. I have been given the chance to attend several seminars and short term certification programs in m ycology and o utdoor and i ndoor a llergens that were organized by Biotech Institute affiliated with The University of Virginia (UVA). A ll of this training and work experience is the golden benefit_ that I have earned and continue to receive.[The previous sentence is both vague and cliche. You might consider either being more specific on how it benefits you or deleting it.]
As one who grew up in a developing country and lived and worked in a variety of other countries, I feel the need to expand and amplify my skills by learning about the sources and spread of diseases.[This is a huge chance to set yourself apart. What about your experience in developing countries makes you different or keeps you motivated?] I would like to gain a better understand of how the human body and its immunological systems interact with parasites. In addition, I have an overwhelming interest in researching and investigating the biology and mechanisms of carcinogenesis, to further study the factors that induce cancer's growth. I am interested in and hope to investigate the mechanisms by which science can eradicate or stop cancerous growth without_ harming human bodies in the ways that traditional cancer therapy currently does.[redundant pick "traditional" or "currently."]
As an African American, I have observed that there is a need for greater minority representation in both the educational and research fields. The scarce number of African Americans with PhD's in general, and particularly in Biomedical Science is another motivation for me to obtain a doctorate degree. There should be a greater variety of intellectuals in educational settings and particularly more diversity among the people doing research in Biomedical Science. I am hopeful that I can succeed and contribute to this important scientific field.
The "ever since I was a child" introduction is overused and not very appealing. You might consider removing that paragraph and starting instead at "I became interested". That would be a fine opening sentence.
I am not clear on the chronology of your "first internship in Russia" or "second research" in relation to your work with Dr. Yezhov. I would suggest that you keep those in chronological order. If the internship happened during a break from Dr. Yezhov, you should specify that. You might also want to clarify whether Dr. Yezhov or Prof. Klementov oversaw your "second research"
If an abbreviation is not used later, there is no reason to show it in parentheses (i.e. O2, K, Ca, Na, MRSA, PET/CT, UVA, etc).
Hopefully that helps. All in all, your writing sounds genuine and informed without being too painfully academic. I wish you luck on your application
Ever since I was a child, I was interested in medicine and the healing of those who are ill or injured. I have since been blessed with many wonderful opportunities to learn and to share my skills and medical knowledge. Below is a carefully revised chronological log of my medical expertise and skills.
I became interested in research when I was a student in the former Soviet Union. In 1990 I attended Nizhny Novgorod State Medical Academy in Russia. From there, I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Internal Medicine in 1995. From the summer of 1995 to 1998, I worked as a r esearch a ssistant for Professor Yuri Ivanovich Yezhov at the Scientific Research Institute of Traumatology and Orthopedics_ (which was also affiliated with Nizhny Novgorod State Medical Academy). Here I attained my Master's Degree in Traumatology, Orthopedics and Thermal Injury. I worked there for two years rotating in different departments, counseling patients and doing research and development in the campus laboratories. As an assistant, I was able to help Dr. Yezhov set up his laboratory, which provided me with a variety of learning experiences, which enabled me [Not technically wrong, but repeating reflexive pronouns is awkward. Try either "learning experiencesandenabled" or removing the entire part about learning experiences] to become familiar in setting up and programming several diagnostic and investigative equipments. In addition I also organized the data that was collected.[redundant. Try "In addition I_organized" or "I also organized"]
There I also investigated the effects of osteoporosis, osteomyelitis, and bone demineralization (o st eomalacia) in Professor Yezhov laboratory[Redundant. Pick either "There" or "in Professor Yezhov'slaboratory"] . I learned to investigate infectious diseases. For example, I learned that CRP is C- reactive protein, ESR is for Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate, and PV is for Plasma Viscosity. These tests are commonly used to detect the increase in protein and are markers of inflammation. I would like to cite an example of research experience as follow
My involvement in research was in my first internship i n Russia under supervision of Prof . Klementov at Simashko T eaching H ospital C entral Laboratory, which is affiliated to Nizhny Novgorod State M edical Academy. The research was investigated the difference in permeability of lipid bilayer to different molecules such as Oxygen (O2), Potassium(K), Calcium(Ca), Sodium(Na), and Glucose in normal condition and under pressure to the structure of the human cell_ membrane. [redundant. Pick either "lipid bilayer" or "human cell membrane"] The research was conducted with an association of group of physicians whose ultimate goal is to use the research outcome in cancer and diabetes treatments.
The second research I participated in was the use of hyperbaric oxygenation therapy_ with an antibiotic regimen_ and surgical debridement to treat chronic osteomyelitis comparing it to the use of an antibiotic alone. The study aimed to overcome the increase of bacterial resistance (MRSA) to antibiotics. The finding discovered that the use of 20 mmHg of 100% oxygen for 60 to 120 minutes for 50 to 60 treatments along with an antibiotic regimen is sufficient to promote collagen production, improve angiogenesis, and accelerate wound healing and reduction of the ischemic process.
In another study I investigated the effect of chronic alcohol exposure or consumption on osteoporosis. Two groups of animals [mice? rabbits? fruit flies?] were used: aged 2 & 3 months respectively. They were fed_ alcohol for about 10 months. Initially, the insulin like growth factor (IGF-1) was adequately measured and recorded for all groups including the control groups. The finding revealed that the level of IGF-1 dramatically decreased for the 3 month (Older) groups while the younger and control groups maintained the normal level at the same age[same age as each other or as the 3 month group?] . The research revealed that chronic alcohol consumption by younger adolescents will affect growth more than_ bone integrity; however, the mechanical propriety[properties?] of the bones would be severely compromised. In conclusion, prolonged alcohol consumption_ facilitates o steoporosis.
During my s econd year, Dr. Yezhov was confident enough to allow me to be in charge of several research projects, organizing laboratory materials, and editing and cleaning data. Ever since then, I have been very interested in and fascinated with scientific research. [You may want to remove the previous sentence. It sounds as if you did an entire year of research before this without interest or fascination.]
In 2000, I came to t he United States and enrolled in an undergraduate program at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU)_ in the School of Radiation Science and earned a Bachelor of Science in n uclear m edicine. In 2006, I was selected to be on the Dean's List at VCU. Also, I received The Royce Osborne Minority Student Scholarship for Outstanding Achievement. I found myself eager to learn more about radiation sciences as a tool for diagnosis and treatment of cancer. I became motivated to find a way to further my education. [Again, it sounds like this is your first motivation.] I went to Thomas Jefferson University under the tutelage of Dr. John Lewis where I received a Master's Degree in Radiological Science and Molecular Imaging. While there, I was able to complete my graduate pilot research study in which I investigated Positron Emission Tomography with Computed Tomography (PET/CT) and its clinical application in oncology_ compared to other conventional diagnostic imaging modalities in detecting liver carcinoma while taking an active leadership role in preparing literature reviews, reviewing scholarly articles, and discussed them with my adviser. [I would break the previous sentence into shorter pieces. It is hard to follow.] These opportunities provided me with invaluable experiences that enhanced my graduate training.[How? Be a bit more specific here about experiences and enhancement.]
These experiences allowed me to observe some of the difficulties and challenges involved with research preparation and presentation. [The previous sentence will work better if you are more specific about difficulties and challenges in the paragraph before.] However, I also found out how satisfying research projects can be when completed. Submitting my research results to my advisor for review was the most amazing and satisfying feeling that I have ever experienced. As a result, I remain passionate about designing and conducting my own scientific research in b iomedical s cience.
I am currently interested in obtaining a Ph.D. in Biomedical Science. The Ph.D. not only would provide me with more specific knowledge and research opportunities at the graduate level, but it would serve as a crucial scientific foundation in the career field of Biomedical Science. [The "not only ... but" framework sounds cliche unless the two sides have more contrast.] Having an academic degree_ would allow me to discover disease etiologies, pathogenesis, mechanisms of disease development,[etiology, pathogenesis and mechanism of development mean the same thing (not arguing semantics), pick one] and effective treatment options. Having a Ph.D. in Biomedical Science would give me an _ opportunity to educate and advise others, while expanding my scientific foundation base [redundant] and continuing my educational and research development.
Currently I work full time as a t echnical d irector_ for the Microbiology Department at Schneider Global Laboratories. My main responsibility is developing standard operation procedures, running all microbiology testing for drinking water to identify total coliforms bacteria, Escherichia Coli (E.Coli), Klebsiella pneumoniae, and Pseudomonas Aeruginosa. [awkward, I suggest "proceduresandidentifying[quantifying] coliforms, like Escherichiacoli , Klebsiella pneumoniae, and Pseudomonasaeruginosa, in drinking water." ] Additionally, I am in charge of state_ and national accreditation standards related to Microbiology Testing Methods. I hold teaching sessions and training for staff and review the data and reporting of results using Sample Master and SLIMS software. I have been given the chance to attend several seminars and short term certification programs in m ycology and o utdoor and i ndoor a llergens that were organized by Biotech Institute affiliated with The University of Virginia (UVA). A ll of this training and work experience is the golden benefit_ that I have earned and continue to receive.[The previous sentence is both vague and cliche. You might consider either being more specific on how it benefits you or deleting it.]
As one who grew up in a developing country and lived and worked in a variety of other countries, I feel the need to expand and amplify my skills by learning about the sources and spread of diseases.[This is a huge chance to set yourself apart. What about your experience in developing countries makes you different or keeps you motivated?] I would like to gain a better understand of how the human body and its immunological systems interact with parasites. In addition, I have an overwhelming interest in researching and investigating the biology and mechanisms of carcinogenesis, to further study the factors that induce cancer's growth. I am interested in and hope to investigate the mechanisms by which science can eradicate or stop cancerous growth without_ harming human bodies in the ways that traditional cancer therapy currently does.[redundant pick "traditional" or "currently."]
As an African American, I have observed that there is a need for greater minority representation in both the educational and research fields. The scarce number of African Americans with PhD's in general, and particularly in Biomedical Science is another motivation for me to obtain a doctorate degree. There should be a greater variety of intellectuals in educational settings and particularly more diversity among the people doing research in Biomedical Science. I am hopeful that I can succeed and contribute to this important scientific field.
The "ever since I was a child" introduction is overused and not very appealing. You might consider removing that paragraph and starting instead at "I became interested". That would be a fine opening sentence.
I am not clear on the chronology of your "first internship in Russia" or "second research" in relation to your work with Dr. Yezhov. I would suggest that you keep those in chronological order. If the internship happened during a break from Dr. Yezhov, you should specify that. You might also want to clarify whether Dr. Yezhov or Prof. Klementov oversaw your "second research"
If an abbreviation is not used later, there is no reason to show it in parentheses (i.e. O2, K, Ca, Na, MRSA, PET/CT, UVA, etc).
Hopefully that helps. All in all, your writing sounds genuine and informed without being too painfully academic. I wish you luck on your application
