cl8onshuttle
Mar 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / Servings Per Container; Creative Writing: Lyric Essay [2]
The prompt for our final essay in my Creative Nonfiction class is simply "Write a lyric essay of about 1000 words." The subject I chose to write about is too personal to receive unbiased feedback from the people I know, so I would really like some objective feedback on the essay before I turn it in. Honestly, anything anyone has to say about it is greatly appreciated. The essay is below and is entitled "Facts." Thank you in advance for reading!
Facts
Serving Size
My brother waited tables in high school, which most importantly allowed him easy access to quality bread. Each night, upon returning home from work, he produced an entire loaf and watched me devour it at the foot of the stairs. I hated Jackson, but I loved bread, and I vowed to be a server someday. (Someday, I will be. I don't break promises.) Serving truly fascinates me. Serving size has long proved a more difficult concept. I have always had a complicated relationship with size in general. Sizes include (but are not limited to) short, wide, paper-thin, and gargantuan. They can always be bigger, but you can only get smaller until you reach zero, nothingness. Then there was double zero.
Servings Per Container
Shortly after my mom left Oreos in the pantry following trips to the grocery store, I would realize too late I had just single-handedly (single-mouthedly, single-stomachedly) finished an entire sleeve. Then ensued (1) panic, (2) anger, (3) determined strategizing. I would rearrange the Oreos in their package so the cookie columns reached the front of each sleeve; suddenly I had never touched them. There are more than three servings of Oreos per package, and a serving of bread is less than one loaf from Yia Yia's European Bistro. Human stomachs can most often hold more servings than recommended. Humanity can be inconvenient.
Amount Per Serving
Some important number relations for you:
15 divided by 3 equals 5
5 times 160 equals 800
2000 minus 800 equals 1200
2000 > 1200 > 800 > 150 > 140 > 126 > 124 > 119 > 116 > 112 > 109 < 113
Calories
A calorie is an incredibly small unit of energy. It is defined as the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one gram (one milliliter) of pure water by one degree Celsius. The "Calories" reported on food packages are actually kilocalories. (One kcal equals one thousand cal.) In the movie Mean Girls, Cady Heron (played by Lindsay Lohan) determines by cross multiplication that the granola bar Regina George (played by Rachel McAdams) hopes to eat is more than thirty percent calories from fat. Regina chooses as a substitute to eat cheese fries.
Percent Daily Value
Percentages are a dangerous way to live life, but perhaps a healthy way to live each day. Living life by percentages suggests one has an awareness of exactly how long he or she will live or be in school or be healthy or be single. One only ever counts down. One is always waiting to reach zero, always expects to reach zero. However there is always one hundred percent of life (school, health, etc.) that you have ahead of you to complete, and you have already completed one hundred percent of what is behind you. The same approach applied to daily consumption leads to impulsive eating. Daily values are determined to prevent an individual from eating too much in a single day (whose length will almost surely be twenty-four hours). Daily values may also refer to great deals offered in hardware or grocery stores, such as especially inexpensive Oreos.
Fat
Food that we eat gives us energy (calories or Calories). Energy we do not use is stored in the body as fat.
Fat was once a sign of wealth because it proved (proves) a person can afford to eat.
Eating costs money. It's more cost effective and healthier to eat in, but it's more convenient to eat out.
Each year on our respective birthdays, my brother and I chose restaurants for our family birthday dinner. Each year I chose Han Shin Japanese Steakhouse, where the food is prepared directly in front of you. I loved the rice; I loved the chicken; I wouldn't touch the salad or the soup or any of the vegetables.
My parents used to leave me at our dinner table without having touched my vegetables, saying that I was not allowed to get up until I took at least a single bite. After an hour or so, they would send me to my room.
My room had polka dot wall paper with the ABCs circling the top until I was in 7th grade.
In seventh grade, I quit the Boy Scouts. ("Yes, you. The fat one.")
Carbohydrates
Though carbohydrates only provide four kilocalories per gram, while fat and protein both provide nine kilocalories per gram, carbohydrate calories add up much more quickly thanks to the prevalence of carbs. The night before each cross country meet in high school, the team gathered for a "pasta dinner," hosted by one of the cross country moms. (Ideally, the mother of one of the more popular runners.) The team would load plates high with pasta, bread, and cookies, collectively carbo-loading to prepare for our race the following day. At the meet itself, other cross country moms would provide bagels and quick breads for runners to further energize their bodies before running for twenty minutes.
Protein
The best way to build muscle is through protein consumption after working out. The way I choose understand it, during a workout (a race, say) the muscles in a body break down, so immediately supplying them with protein builds them back up stronger than before. Without sufficient protein intake, one risks muscle loss. Muscle loss translates also to weight loss, as muscle is even denser than fat. Following workouts with protein-poor foods for extend periods of time can cause rapid decrease in muscle (and, effectively, body weight). The lowest healthy body weight for a seventeen-year-old, 5' 6" boy is 113 lbs.
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 Calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your Calorie needs.
When ingesting fewer calories than you burn through workouts and daily activity, you begin burning fat. Is it possible to ingest fewer calories? Have you stepped on a scale recently? Is it possible to burn more calories? Do you have any very thin friends? Do they host pasta dinners? Is fourth percentile healthy? Can you reach third? Can you pitch a tent? Have you stepped on a scale recently? Do you remember when Jackson used to bring home bread?
The prompt for our final essay in my Creative Nonfiction class is simply "Write a lyric essay of about 1000 words." The subject I chose to write about is too personal to receive unbiased feedback from the people I know, so I would really like some objective feedback on the essay before I turn it in. Honestly, anything anyone has to say about it is greatly appreciated. The essay is below and is entitled "Facts." Thank you in advance for reading!
Facts
Serving Size
My brother waited tables in high school, which most importantly allowed him easy access to quality bread. Each night, upon returning home from work, he produced an entire loaf and watched me devour it at the foot of the stairs. I hated Jackson, but I loved bread, and I vowed to be a server someday. (Someday, I will be. I don't break promises.) Serving truly fascinates me. Serving size has long proved a more difficult concept. I have always had a complicated relationship with size in general. Sizes include (but are not limited to) short, wide, paper-thin, and gargantuan. They can always be bigger, but you can only get smaller until you reach zero, nothingness. Then there was double zero.
Servings Per Container
Shortly after my mom left Oreos in the pantry following trips to the grocery store, I would realize too late I had just single-handedly (single-mouthedly, single-stomachedly) finished an entire sleeve. Then ensued (1) panic, (2) anger, (3) determined strategizing. I would rearrange the Oreos in their package so the cookie columns reached the front of each sleeve; suddenly I had never touched them. There are more than three servings of Oreos per package, and a serving of bread is less than one loaf from Yia Yia's European Bistro. Human stomachs can most often hold more servings than recommended. Humanity can be inconvenient.
Amount Per Serving
Some important number relations for you:
15 divided by 3 equals 5
5 times 160 equals 800
2000 minus 800 equals 1200
2000 > 1200 > 800 > 150 > 140 > 126 > 124 > 119 > 116 > 112 > 109 < 113
Calories
A calorie is an incredibly small unit of energy. It is defined as the amount of energy required to raise the temperature of one gram (one milliliter) of pure water by one degree Celsius. The "Calories" reported on food packages are actually kilocalories. (One kcal equals one thousand cal.) In the movie Mean Girls, Cady Heron (played by Lindsay Lohan) determines by cross multiplication that the granola bar Regina George (played by Rachel McAdams) hopes to eat is more than thirty percent calories from fat. Regina chooses as a substitute to eat cheese fries.
Percent Daily Value
Percentages are a dangerous way to live life, but perhaps a healthy way to live each day. Living life by percentages suggests one has an awareness of exactly how long he or she will live or be in school or be healthy or be single. One only ever counts down. One is always waiting to reach zero, always expects to reach zero. However there is always one hundred percent of life (school, health, etc.) that you have ahead of you to complete, and you have already completed one hundred percent of what is behind you. The same approach applied to daily consumption leads to impulsive eating. Daily values are determined to prevent an individual from eating too much in a single day (whose length will almost surely be twenty-four hours). Daily values may also refer to great deals offered in hardware or grocery stores, such as especially inexpensive Oreos.
Fat
Food that we eat gives us energy (calories or Calories). Energy we do not use is stored in the body as fat.
Fat was once a sign of wealth because it proved (proves) a person can afford to eat.
Eating costs money. It's more cost effective and healthier to eat in, but it's more convenient to eat out.
Each year on our respective birthdays, my brother and I chose restaurants for our family birthday dinner. Each year I chose Han Shin Japanese Steakhouse, where the food is prepared directly in front of you. I loved the rice; I loved the chicken; I wouldn't touch the salad or the soup or any of the vegetables.
My parents used to leave me at our dinner table without having touched my vegetables, saying that I was not allowed to get up until I took at least a single bite. After an hour or so, they would send me to my room.
My room had polka dot wall paper with the ABCs circling the top until I was in 7th grade.
In seventh grade, I quit the Boy Scouts. ("Yes, you. The fat one.")
Carbohydrates
Though carbohydrates only provide four kilocalories per gram, while fat and protein both provide nine kilocalories per gram, carbohydrate calories add up much more quickly thanks to the prevalence of carbs. The night before each cross country meet in high school, the team gathered for a "pasta dinner," hosted by one of the cross country moms. (Ideally, the mother of one of the more popular runners.) The team would load plates high with pasta, bread, and cookies, collectively carbo-loading to prepare for our race the following day. At the meet itself, other cross country moms would provide bagels and quick breads for runners to further energize their bodies before running for twenty minutes.
Protein
The best way to build muscle is through protein consumption after working out. The way I choose understand it, during a workout (a race, say) the muscles in a body break down, so immediately supplying them with protein builds them back up stronger than before. Without sufficient protein intake, one risks muscle loss. Muscle loss translates also to weight loss, as muscle is even denser than fat. Following workouts with protein-poor foods for extend periods of time can cause rapid decrease in muscle (and, effectively, body weight). The lowest healthy body weight for a seventeen-year-old, 5' 6" boy is 113 lbs.
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 Calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your Calorie needs.
When ingesting fewer calories than you burn through workouts and daily activity, you begin burning fat. Is it possible to ingest fewer calories? Have you stepped on a scale recently? Is it possible to burn more calories? Do you have any very thin friends? Do they host pasta dinners? Is fourth percentile healthy? Can you reach third? Can you pitch a tent? Have you stepped on a scale recently? Do you remember when Jackson used to bring home bread?