Kkossan
Apr 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Practice Essay for CLEP College Comp - Are Scandals Useful [NEW]
Hello all!
I am new here, but I found some very helpful advice in the archives and thought I would try posting my own essay. I am practicing for the College Comp CLEP test, and have been writing a handful of sample essays. I was wondering if anyone would be able to give a little feedback and/or scoring on this sample essay. I have a lot of experience writing (I wrote for a small newspaper for six years), but not a whole lot of formal writing instruction, so I am a little nervous about the test. I wrote/edited this is in the 30 minute time-limit.
Thank you in advance to anyone who can give some constructive criticism!
Prompt: "Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could." "Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position."
Can scandals be useful in drawing out attention to important topics in a way that a speaker could never accomplish? I believe so. Scandals - a term generally used for a tragic, unusual, or relatively immoral event - can make a news story or event go viral. It can mean the difference between something headlining once, or being the "talk of the town" for weeks. They can catch our thoughts and make us aware of an issue we didn't know existed by appealing to our personal experiences, or by bringing to mind a different train of thought.
One of the biggest ways a scandal could focus our attention is by bringing a topic closer to home, adding a personal element. Recently an acquaintance of mine lost her son to a heroin overdose. Although this could be thought of as a scandal (on a small scale), it also brought to my attention the current drug problem in my state, and the statistics of drug overdoses and the lives that it is claiming. Before this event, I had read a very limited amount on drug overdoses, and didn't have a concept of the problem. Some might argue that this is only appealing to your emotion, but if appealing to your emotion in turn makes you aware of a problem, is that wrong?
Scandals can also bring to light certain areas of society that are an issue, but may have slipped by unnoticed. Doug Phillips, a pastor in Texas and a promoter of the so called "patriarch culture", recently resigned after an incident of alleged sexual misconduct. Prior to this scandal, not many people were aware of the major problems and inconsistencies of the "patriarch culture" and the affect it was having on the church. The scandal of Phillips and his nanny brought to light many of the non-biblical and harmful ideas that were being touted by his ministry; something that may have not happened with out the scandal.
However, scandals can sometimes be a distraction from the actual cause. In the case of Justin Bieber, a singer who caused quite a stir by the choices he had been making, most people focused on him. Instead of questioning the real source behind his problems, and what may have contributed to his decline, the general public instead has signed a petition to send him back to the country he came from. This is an example of a scandal distracting from the actual issue, which in this case could be the music industry and the culture it creates.
Overall, I would say that the above statement is true. Although never a welcome sight, scandals can be helpful in that they draw our eyes to something we wouldn't see before; they can add a personal appeal and they can uncover issues that we weren't previously aware of.
Hello all!
I am new here, but I found some very helpful advice in the archives and thought I would try posting my own essay. I am practicing for the College Comp CLEP test, and have been writing a handful of sample essays. I was wondering if anyone would be able to give a little feedback and/or scoring on this sample essay. I have a lot of experience writing (I wrote for a small newspaper for six years), but not a whole lot of formal writing instruction, so I am a little nervous about the test. I wrote/edited this is in the 30 minute time-limit.
Thank you in advance to anyone who can give some constructive criticism!
Prompt: "Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could." "Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position."
Can scandals be useful in drawing out attention to important topics in a way that a speaker could never accomplish? I believe so. Scandals - a term generally used for a tragic, unusual, or relatively immoral event - can make a news story or event go viral. It can mean the difference between something headlining once, or being the "talk of the town" for weeks. They can catch our thoughts and make us aware of an issue we didn't know existed by appealing to our personal experiences, or by bringing to mind a different train of thought.
One of the biggest ways a scandal could focus our attention is by bringing a topic closer to home, adding a personal element. Recently an acquaintance of mine lost her son to a heroin overdose. Although this could be thought of as a scandal (on a small scale), it also brought to my attention the current drug problem in my state, and the statistics of drug overdoses and the lives that it is claiming. Before this event, I had read a very limited amount on drug overdoses, and didn't have a concept of the problem. Some might argue that this is only appealing to your emotion, but if appealing to your emotion in turn makes you aware of a problem, is that wrong?
Scandals can also bring to light certain areas of society that are an issue, but may have slipped by unnoticed. Doug Phillips, a pastor in Texas and a promoter of the so called "patriarch culture", recently resigned after an incident of alleged sexual misconduct. Prior to this scandal, not many people were aware of the major problems and inconsistencies of the "patriarch culture" and the affect it was having on the church. The scandal of Phillips and his nanny brought to light many of the non-biblical and harmful ideas that were being touted by his ministry; something that may have not happened with out the scandal.
However, scandals can sometimes be a distraction from the actual cause. In the case of Justin Bieber, a singer who caused quite a stir by the choices he had been making, most people focused on him. Instead of questioning the real source behind his problems, and what may have contributed to his decline, the general public instead has signed a petition to send him back to the country he came from. This is an example of a scandal distracting from the actual issue, which in this case could be the music industry and the culture it creates.
Overall, I would say that the above statement is true. Although never a welcome sight, scandals can be helpful in that they draw our eyes to something we wouldn't see before; they can add a personal appeal and they can uncover issues that we weren't previously aware of.