qwerty1234
Aug 14, 2014
Undergraduate / "The city that makes me a human" - Common App Essay 2015 [4]
I know there will be a lot of grammatical mistakes, because it is my first draft. But I really want to check in with someone before I go on further with this idea. I have some ideas to improve such as strengthening the conclusion while putting less emphasis on the introductory parts. Please give any feedback!
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Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
For me, the single most outstanding thing about Dubai is not its over-invested buildings and man-made island, but is instead the rain. The rain is a rare and peculiar visitor to this city. When it rolls in town, it serves as a reminder, or a wake-up call, to her residents. Not everything in Dubai is always bright and sunny.
This day, too, was a very rainy day - it was hard to discern between night and day. The bus was full of my Global Issues Network group members, who have sacrificed the most precious two days of the week to participate in a conference held in our neighboring city, Abu Dhabi. I do not know how they felt, but I had no high expectations for this trip. I was, indeed, the leader of the group who strive to solve global issues, but I was not confident. A bunch of high school-aged students coming together to solve the world's deepest-rooted problems! Sounds more like a new Avengers plot. We also lacked the urge to act. Dubai is the city where nothing bad ever steals the spotlights of the glamours. Without visualization, there would be no realization.
Without much of a determined heart, I was at the conference. There were two schools present and somewhat pitiful number of participants. "Great, way to add the salt to the wound," I would remark bitterly. Presentations and activities, about transforming into a green school, and expressing woman's right through dance choreography. None of them spoke to me, as I could not relate to them. They were very impressive, and I have to give credit for that. Everyone was passionate. Everyone was inspired. Everyone was ready to act. I felt none of the above.
At this point I started to question my validity as a human being and associated myself as more of a heartless "thing". I was about to give up. As I started to lose confidence of my fit in the conference, I felt uneasy and anxious. Last schedule of the night was approaching and I was ready to be finished. But this last visit was special compared to the other venues. We visited a labor camp for dinner and workshop, a very rare opportunity. This event was the one that finally spoke to me, because this was most definitely within my interest. My desire may be called childish and improbable, but I genuinely wish for everyone in Dubai to enjoy this wonderful environment as much as I do. I was passionate, I was inspired, and I was ready to act
The human right violation and condition of the camp were more horrible than I have heard before. Seeing it so closely, I could feel the melancholic and downcast vibe throughout. To cheer the whole camp up, we set up our buffet catering, brought out some of our sport equipment for a quick match, and initiated many ice-breaker games. However, this atmosphere acted on me, and I felt extremely uncomfortable to approach any of the workers. I felt weak in front of what seemed like a fault of the city that I have been exposed to.
I mustered up enough courage to speak to a lady named Sarah. However, it was not much of a conversation for me. A very one-sided "thank you" was what I got. Her gratitude, and the way we were able to make her and her friends' days better, made me feel - more than anything - accomplished.
With this, I could leave this conference on a happy note. "I have made my fellow Dubaian's day happy" is a result I could be extremely pleased with. Even in an enchanting city such as Dubai, there is always the gloomy rain. Yet, in that day, I made a difference. Many a little makes a mickle; I made a little step to make the people under Dubai's sun brighter.
I know there will be a lot of grammatical mistakes, because it is my first draft. But I really want to check in with someone before I go on further with this idea. I have some ideas to improve such as strengthening the conclusion while putting less emphasis on the introductory parts. Please give any feedback!
---------------------------------------------------------
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
For me, the single most outstanding thing about Dubai is not its over-invested buildings and man-made island, but is instead the rain. The rain is a rare and peculiar visitor to this city. When it rolls in town, it serves as a reminder, or a wake-up call, to her residents. Not everything in Dubai is always bright and sunny.
This day, too, was a very rainy day - it was hard to discern between night and day. The bus was full of my Global Issues Network group members, who have sacrificed the most precious two days of the week to participate in a conference held in our neighboring city, Abu Dhabi. I do not know how they felt, but I had no high expectations for this trip. I was, indeed, the leader of the group who strive to solve global issues, but I was not confident. A bunch of high school-aged students coming together to solve the world's deepest-rooted problems! Sounds more like a new Avengers plot. We also lacked the urge to act. Dubai is the city where nothing bad ever steals the spotlights of the glamours. Without visualization, there would be no realization.
Without much of a determined heart, I was at the conference. There were two schools present and somewhat pitiful number of participants. "Great, way to add the salt to the wound," I would remark bitterly. Presentations and activities, about transforming into a green school, and expressing woman's right through dance choreography. None of them spoke to me, as I could not relate to them. They were very impressive, and I have to give credit for that. Everyone was passionate. Everyone was inspired. Everyone was ready to act. I felt none of the above.
At this point I started to question my validity as a human being and associated myself as more of a heartless "thing". I was about to give up. As I started to lose confidence of my fit in the conference, I felt uneasy and anxious. Last schedule of the night was approaching and I was ready to be finished. But this last visit was special compared to the other venues. We visited a labor camp for dinner and workshop, a very rare opportunity. This event was the one that finally spoke to me, because this was most definitely within my interest. My desire may be called childish and improbable, but I genuinely wish for everyone in Dubai to enjoy this wonderful environment as much as I do. I was passionate, I was inspired, and I was ready to act
The human right violation and condition of the camp were more horrible than I have heard before. Seeing it so closely, I could feel the melancholic and downcast vibe throughout. To cheer the whole camp up, we set up our buffet catering, brought out some of our sport equipment for a quick match, and initiated many ice-breaker games. However, this atmosphere acted on me, and I felt extremely uncomfortable to approach any of the workers. I felt weak in front of what seemed like a fault of the city that I have been exposed to.
I mustered up enough courage to speak to a lady named Sarah. However, it was not much of a conversation for me. A very one-sided "thank you" was what I got. Her gratitude, and the way we were able to make her and her friends' days better, made me feel - more than anything - accomplished.
With this, I could leave this conference on a happy note. "I have made my fellow Dubaian's day happy" is a result I could be extremely pleased with. Even in an enchanting city such as Dubai, there is always the gloomy rain. Yet, in that day, I made a difference. Many a little makes a mickle; I made a little step to make the people under Dubai's sun brighter.
