Writing Feedback / IELTS: The earlier ages for learning the second language the better [5]

Write about the following topic:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, you can find every parents looking forward to plan teaching a foreign language for their children at early ages. Some research has revealed that the earlier age for learning the second language the better ability performing like a native. Although I agree that primary school can make children a better new language learner than secondary school, there are some important points for considering.

Undoubtedly, the younger children are to learn a foreign language the more successful they will be, since the brain in very early ages is fresher and more competence to absorb new information clearly. If children in early stages begin to learn a new language, they will be more intelligent and more qualified to recruitment in international jobs.

Meanwhile all advantages above, parents should attention to their children's speaking ability which has not shaped completely yet at primary school. Some children even have problem to deal with their mother tongue, so handling with a new one may cause extra pressure on them. Moreover, which foreign language will be more applicable and attractive for the children who themselves have not have recognition ability to choose, is a difficult and vague condition for decision making.

In conclusion, although start learning a second language at primary school could be good and evil, I largely believe that its benefits can cover other fuzzy sides. In my opinion, parents should begin to teach a new language for their children as soon as possible without considering the type or application of that, because of expanding the ability of their children's brain, memory and intelligence. Simultaneously, they should be aware of their children's capabilities, too.

I prepared this for academic IELTS . would you please help me to correct it. Could anyone help me mark this essay?
Thank you.