Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by summerlilac
Name: Sheng Zhang
Joined: Sep 21, 2014
Last Post: Sep 26, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
Likes: 3
From: United States of America
School: Torrey Pines High School

Displayed posts: 10
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summerlilac   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The little boy- Stanford Supplement [8]

The idea is a bit cliche, but I think you did a good job of relating it because this was something you experienced first hand. And that definitely brings more meaning to it. Maybe add a bit more about how you will awaken the rest of the world. Good job!
summerlilac   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / the children full of hope (COMMON APP ESSAY) [6]

This is a great essay! You demonstrated your growth and maturity as well as the strength to overcome obstacles. I love how your voice really shows through the words. It would be even better if you could add just a few more examples about how your realization has changed things so your essay has a strong resolution.
summerlilac   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The Importance of Diversity - Cultural Food Day (Questbridge Prompt 2) [6]

Please help! I only have a few days until this needs to be turned in.

"ĄNo olviden que mańana es el día de comida cultural!" my AP Spanish teacher said as we left class. Cultural food day! I was excited. We were done with AP testing and have finally earned the time to do something educational but also fun. I've always been fascinated by languages, and culture has always been my favorite part of history. What's the use of memorizing people and places you don't know? To me, the lifestyle of the common people is the gateway to understanding key historic events. Happily humming my favorite Spanish song, I went home to prepare Chinese mooncakes. I had already written out the two minute presentation to fill everyone in on the history of the food.

They weren't traditional mooncakes, but in my opinion they tasted better than the traditional pastry version which people unaccustomed to Asian flavors might not like. They were a huge success the next day, I only had three left over! As I looked around the room, I was surprised by how many curious-looking edibles I didn't recognize. I thought it was going to be another one of those secret parties filled with the typical cupcakes and cookies teachers can only get away with by giving it a name like "cultural food day," but this one was legitimately cultural. There was the boy from Mongolian descent who brought milk tea, the Jewish girl who brought brisket and rice, and the good old pure American (for as far as he knows at least) who brought in Betty Crocker Brownie Mix brownies. There was so much food that day that by the time I was stuffed, I still haven't tried all of them. The best part was listening to the presentations, which explained the history of each delectable dish. I hadn't even realized how much diversity we had in the Spanish class until that moment.

And to think that just a hundred years ago, we wouldn't have been able to all sit down and have a friendly food gathering with each other. Racism would have been alive and well in the early 1900's, and many of us would have had stereotypes about each other that result in hostility. I really started to appreciate what we had. People were complimenting each other on their food. Not to be nice, but because they really enjoyed it. The best teachers can be found among our peers, and we learned so much from each other that day. If we were all the same, cultural food day would have been boring. We wouldn't have anything to learn from each other, no surprises, no variety. But our diversity added so much more. No matter how much you think you know about someone, there's always more to learn. And it's so important that we keep doing that.
summerlilac   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it; Collage Application [4]

I would suggest reading your responses aloud so you can better manage the grammar and flow. You can also make some sentences more concise. Remember, more is not better. Colleges want you to be able to say more with less. For example, "Right now, after all these years of programming, I believe the one thing bringing me joy is knowing that I have a program to work on. Programming is no longer a job, but is a joyful and relaxing hobby on which I enjoy ."

Hope this helped :)
summerlilac   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The little boy- Stanford Supplement [8]

I like the approach, but some different word choices could add more flow.
For example, "For there are thousands of talented doctors in the world, but for what purpose if there are still many in the world who are uncured. What matters are the unforgotten regions- the towns that have lost hope- because every one deserves a chance. A little boy to open my eyes to something I should have realized a long time ago. Now it's just time to awaken the rest of the world."
summerlilac   
Sep 21, 2014
Scholarship / I Am a Mirror - Questbridge Biographical Essay: what most shaped your personal life and aspirations? [6]

Please help edit my essay, I feel like this is just another generic biographical one that doesn't say much about myself.

Prompt: We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit)

Jim Rohn once said that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. This couldn't be more true to my personality. I am not one, but many, the sum of the parts, an impressionist painting.

Since I was but a little seedling looking up longingly at the vast expanses of the sky, my mother told me to observe the world around me and learn from the good in everything. I resolved to absorb the virtues of people I looked up to. Soon that applied to everyone I met, for there are admirable qualities in all. Especially after I moved to the U.S. from China at age seven, there was much I needed to catch up on in a foreign culture. I became extremely adaptable and I evolved, gradually and almost unconsciously so, into a mirror. I reflect the people around me, yet the substance of my core remains constant.

There are some inherent properties which I share with mirrors. I am, like mirrors, always truthful and sometimes brutally so. I love to be of service to others, and mirrors exist for the convenience of others. Possessing the ability to help others means that I have mastered something well enough to guide others through it. I reflect both real and virtual influences as a mirror reflects real and virtual objects, for a work of fiction may have as much of an impact on me as a real person. Some of the best teachers I have had, like Sophie from "Howl's Moving Castle" and Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities, are far from perfect and exist only in the imagination of those who have encountered descriptions of them. I can be very fragile and sensitive. For years I was an only child, and lived a very sheltered life. My overprotective parents wouldn't let me scooter out of fear that I would fall, and if anyone dared say something offensive to me my parents were sure to be after them. As a result, I cried with ever every tinge of pain and I didn't have problems with bullies for the first seven years of my life. When I did, it wasn't pleasant, but I've learned not to let little things bother me over the years. But like a mirror, I find hope and amplify the light on others in times of darkness. It was only a few years ago that I was crammed in a tiny one bedroom apartment with my family of four. My homework was too advanced for my parents' help so I had to take care of things by myself. Everyone at my middle school had better family conditions and studying environments, but that didn't discourage me from doing my best. Not only did I push myself, I also encouraged my friend to study with me because she was failing a few of her classes. I tutored her after school and pretty soon her grades started improving.

People have come and passed before me, and through them I learned to savor the simplicity of life while avoiding the repetition of history that ought not to be repeated. I've seen the unintentional pain caused by family strife. My dad and my grandma had never gotten along very well, and it wasn't until she passed away that he realized how pointless their arguments had been. How often do we take for granted what we have, then realize its worth after we lose it? My mom taught me to grab hold of every opportunity. When she was little, parents didn't invest in school for girls, and her test scores weren't high enough to grant her a scholarship into college. The biggest regret of her life is not working harder. I will treasure my opportunities and push myself to do my best academically so I will have no regrets. Finally, there's my uncle. The brilliant, promising young man who had so much potential, but was surrounded by bad influences in high school which led him to make choices that were short-sighted and unwise.

At the core, there are many things about me that have never changed. My love for animals and fascination with life strengthened after delightfully watching chicks hatch, my stubbornness unrelentingly pushes forth my beliefs, and my empathetic nature continues to help me relate to people and events I encounter. As I write out my story for what seems like the millionth time, the story remains the same yet my perception of it is different. I no look at it with a childish triumph that adapting to a new country was the greatest achievement of my life, but with a comfortable resolution that although it may not be a grand feat, it's a solid foundation for me to build upon.
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