Posts by saugat91

saugat91

Oct 21, 2015

Writing Feedback / Essay on the climate change - check my introduction [4]

Dear JasS,

If you look closely at your introduction, you see that you have repeated the question in the first two sentences. Doing so succeeds in making the first two sentences redundant. Instead, you could start with your thesis sentence (the third sentence) and gradually move on and comment on why you believe both individuals and large corporations and governments can make an effect on the climate change. That would make your introduction more powerful.

saugat91

Oct 21, 2015

Graduate / There are many reasons in my life on behalf of which I can say that childhood is the best time. [4]

Dear amehendiratta,
Your essay conveys a good idea but in my view, you cannot articulately express them. Also, you don't seem to have a good transition between your paragraphs, and your sentence structures are mostly weak and grammatically incorrect. For instance, look your second paragraph.

"Second reason, that support my statement when we were child we used to learn new things .For eg. riding the bycyle ,new ryhmes,poems,

behaviour and so many things. childhood is the time when we can learn many things without any fear because when we are child even if we do the mistake no one will scold us and everyone will try to correct our mistake."

You have started really weakly and have created numerous grammatical errors as the paragraph goes on. You could have written this paragraph like:
The second reason that supports my statement is that children learn many new skills and activities. In my view, activities like learning to ride a bike, learning new rhymes and poems make the childhood so full of happiness. As a child, one could learn without fear because when one does a mistake as a child, he will more likely be corrected and learn to not do the mistake than be scolded."

Similarly, improve and strengthen your sentences (your ideas are fine) and you will have a good essay.

saugat91

Oct 13, 2014

Undergraduate / The feeling I get while reading a good book is unparalleled - I could even go on reading for a 24hrs [2]

This is the answer of question number 4 in the common application question which goes like "Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you."

Reading a book, for me, is like choosing a perfect dress for a fashion expert. One can find all kinds of book, but choosing a good book to read is a tedious job. I don't choose a book by its cover; rather, I choose a book from its first fifty pages. The first fifty pages of a book give me an insight on how good the book is.

When I choose a particular book, the first page that I read is the book blurb, which, ironically is the last page. After I am done with the blurb, I slowly and dramatically turn the book around. Doing that makes me feel like an obsessed archaeologist opening a newly discovered treasure chest. Then, I open the cover.

The first page inside the book is usually the introduction of the writer. I look at the writer's other works and make a mental note to search them out if I like this book. I read about the various awards that the writer has won (if s/he has won). Winning awards doesn't necessarily mean that the book is good but it is more often the case, and has a higher probability of passing my book test.

After the introduction is over with, I start the first chapter of the book. I make my way to the first fifty pages of the book slowly and all of my concentration is devoted into understanding and enjoying those pages. When I am reading those pages, I lose consciousness of my surrounding and I enter into a world of the book. I have skipped my stop many times while reading a book on the bus.

Finally comes the time of the verdict. If the book captures my imagination and I want to keep on reading the book, then it has passed the book test. If not, I return the book to the library as soon as I can, and borrow another one, and my book test is repeated all over once again.

But when a book passes the test, and I am fully devoted in reading it, I feel exactly what the character feels. That is when I attain "nirvana" and I feel absolutely content. My mind is shrouded in a veil of tranquility but my emotions are always at play. I have lived the life of Atticus Finch and ensured that justice has been served. I have fallen in love, gone to college, played in the Champions league final and even committed a murder; I have garnered experience of many lifetimes in 17 years with the help of different books. My personality and my behavior are also shaped around the current book that I am reading. Coming back to reality after finishing a book is really hard for me. To control my mind from being needlessly obsessed over the finished book, I treat myself with another book.

The feeling I get while reading a good book is unparalleled and I could even go on reading for a full twenty four hours (only if my mother forgets to call me for meals.)