Undergraduate / Show how my university studies affect my career future? [11]

Hi, firstly I want to show my gratefulness to EssayForum.com. You are really helpful. Thank you so much.
I really want to get admission from the University of the People, the first free online university in the world.

The university require applicants to write between 400-500 words essay answering one of two questions and this is my chosen one:
How do you think your university studies will affect your career in the future?

I am not an Englishman and my writing skill is so moderate that I am afraid of both my essay expression and its content. Please help me check and improve it to become more persuadable as soon as possible because its deadline is 06/30. I really appreciate you great help.

Studying Business Administration at the University of the People would firstly provide me the valuable theory that is required to understand and enlighten myself on principles of business which are necessary to work effectively in this field. I thought practical experience was an important factor to be successful at work. Thus, instead of focusing on study, I spent most of my time on the part-time jobs. However, in such a knowledge-based society, with profound specialist knowledge one might stand out amongst the other candidates and get a chance to attain a favourable position in his/her professional life. Basically, a good way to acquire this knowledge is from an advanced education. I thereby believe that four years of assiduous study at the University of the People would make me be more competitive and capable in business field.

Besides, in order to succeed in this era, it is necessary to exploit the infinite powerful of digital networks and social softwares as well as to become competent at English. As a result, it is certain that the study process at the University of the People would be a valuable experience for me. As during my course of study, my IT and English skills could develop themselves as well, both of which serve useful purposes in professional fields.

Moreover, the methodology of "learning by teaching, peer-to-peer teaching" not only encourages individuals in self-confidence, dynamism, communication skills but also creates a community in which people help each other attain knowledge and get success. Through the University of the People, I would thus learn not only specialist knowledge but can also develop my social skills and community spirit.

Having grown up in an undeveloped country, I understand how a lack of education is an impediment for people aiming to better their lives. Although I have cherished the dream to study at a qualified school, I cannot afford it because of its expensive tuition fee. Therefore the University of the People will open an opportunity for my dream to come true. I believe that this university by its provision of the affordable education will help create more job opportunities to all of people and therefore, help make a new, more equal and prosperous world. In case of a student of the University of the People, my future is to become an Uopeople's volunteer to help the school complete its lofty mission as "a free university for students all over the world". Especially, I dream of helping thousands of Vietnamese come to study at the University of the People so that they could get qualified and change their lives.