Safree
Nov 30, 2014
Undergraduate / "Were pH an expression of personality, what would be your pH and why?" [3]
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for the advice.
Safree
Nov 28, 2014
Undergraduate / When I was young I dreamed of running feet. My story [3]
When you started talking about the hospital I was confused because there was no real transition. It felt rushed which is bad because at that point you want you reader to really be emotionally invested in your essay. Your conclusion was good though but you want it to be more about you not the world. This is your personal essay make it personal. One little thing that bothered me was the paragraph that ends with "I could talk about shattered knees, and broken bones, about thick swathes of bandages I was wrapped in, hallucinations brought on by vile tasting medicine, and how doctors looked at you behind their masks." It could have a but between it and the next paragraph. Overall though the essay was good and great subject choice.
When you started talking about the hospital I was confused because there was no real transition. It felt rushed which is bad because at that point you want you reader to really be emotionally invested in your essay. Your conclusion was good though but you want it to be more about you not the world. This is your personal essay make it personal. One little thing that bothered me was the paragraph that ends with "I could talk about shattered knees, and broken bones, about thick swathes of bandages I was wrapped in, hallucinations brought on by vile tasting medicine, and how doctors looked at you behind their masks." It could have a but between it and the next paragraph. Overall though the essay was good and great subject choice.
Safree
Nov 28, 2014
Undergraduate / "Were pH an expression of personality, what would be your pH and why?" [3]
Chicago's supplement asks "Were pH an expression of personality, what would be your pH and why?" The essay has no word limit.
I wrote this essay and have been getting a lot of mixed messages. My counselor said I should write a brand new essay from scratch but my teacher said it was fine with a few grammatical errors. What do you think?
To describe my personality as a pH is quite a troublesome choice. On one hand someone could describe me as basic. The definition of basic is "forming an essential foundation or starting point" (Google). I am a planner and I like to plan most of the events me and my friends go to. When I feel that my friends and I could use more time together, I like to plan events like going to the movies, going to the beach, going to my friend Sarah's house because she lives in the central point of all of us, etc. My friends have a lot of opinions and sometimes we don't agree, so I believe that when I give an option for us to do something my friends listen to me and instead of disagreeing on whether we should walk to Starbucks or Panda Express, we find a solution, a destination and food finally. On the other hand someone can call me very acidic. The definition of acidic is "sharp tasting or sour"(Google). An argument can be formed based on the variety of my personality. When I think sharp tasting I can connect that with my very sassy attitude. I don't like lying and I like to tell people the truth even when they might not hear it but it is necessary. At my school I am a peer college counselor which means I help other seniors and anyone else that needs help at my school, try to navigate the intricate college world and life after high school. I can also make an argument for sour. If you have ever had a Warhead sour candy you know that as soon as the candy reaches your mouth, your whole face scrunches up and all you can focus on is that taste in your mouth that is more different than anything you have ever tasted. Even though you might say wow that was too sour I don't want anymore, you will go back and get another one because the taste was different and you always have that one moment where you need something sour. I can attribute myself to being a Warhead. I am someone different that as soon as you meet me, you go WOW I don't really think I've seen anyone like her before, but even when times you think hey she might be a little too different for me, I do something that gets you coming back to me more and more until finally all you can say is wow what a great person I love her.
For myself though I believe I am truly acidic. My PH would probably be .1. I would describe my personality as the most acidic as I possibly could. I would describe it as acidic because when I think of basic I think of someone who follows the rules, never goes out of their comfort zone and really doesn't do things that make them stand out. When I think of acidic, I think of something that is bubbly, something you are afraid to touch but are still interested in touching, and someone who is more or less risky. I like to try new things and I am always aiming for different. Right now I am really interested in video games which I believe is something that can be fun for any type of person. My favorite game is Assassin's Creed but right now I am playing Call of Duty. I am trying to get out of my comfort zone of Assassin's Creed that uses stealth and swords and going for something different and not like any other video game I have ever played before. I am also really interested in bike riding. My friend Vanessa and I take our bikes and ride as far as we can. She does it more often than I do because I do not always have the time but when I do I like to go with her and go through a different route every time. Sometimes we will bike from my house to my former elementary while other times we will bike to the nearest store. The activity is something that builds up muscle and is fun. I can also be bubbly in the sense that I love people. I love to have interactions with different types of people because no one person acts like the next person. I am also happy 99.9% of the time and if you do see me sad it most likely will be for about an hour and I would have moved on and found something to be happy about. My favorite movie is Meet the Robinsons because I love the slogan they have that says "Keep Moving Forward". I like to follow the slogan whenever I can because I don't like to look back to something that can slow me down, I like to move forward and try to get over all the obstacles that are thrown my way. It doesn't mean that I forget my past it just means I learn how to deal and overcome them. Being acidic is not a bad thing it just means that you are different from others and sometimes your personality makes you who you are and you are able to stand out from all the rest so me saying that I am .1 on the pH scale, makes me happy and I smile at that number since my differences make me me.
Chicago's supplement asks "Were pH an expression of personality, what would be your pH and why?" The essay has no word limit.
I wrote this essay and have been getting a lot of mixed messages. My counselor said I should write a brand new essay from scratch but my teacher said it was fine with a few grammatical errors. What do you think?
To describe my personality as a pH is quite a troublesome choice. On one hand someone could describe me as basic. The definition of basic is "forming an essential foundation or starting point" (Google). I am a planner and I like to plan most of the events me and my friends go to. When I feel that my friends and I could use more time together, I like to plan events like going to the movies, going to the beach, going to my friend Sarah's house because she lives in the central point of all of us, etc. My friends have a lot of opinions and sometimes we don't agree, so I believe that when I give an option for us to do something my friends listen to me and instead of disagreeing on whether we should walk to Starbucks or Panda Express, we find a solution, a destination and food finally. On the other hand someone can call me very acidic. The definition of acidic is "sharp tasting or sour"(Google). An argument can be formed based on the variety of my personality. When I think sharp tasting I can connect that with my very sassy attitude. I don't like lying and I like to tell people the truth even when they might not hear it but it is necessary. At my school I am a peer college counselor which means I help other seniors and anyone else that needs help at my school, try to navigate the intricate college world and life after high school. I can also make an argument for sour. If you have ever had a Warhead sour candy you know that as soon as the candy reaches your mouth, your whole face scrunches up and all you can focus on is that taste in your mouth that is more different than anything you have ever tasted. Even though you might say wow that was too sour I don't want anymore, you will go back and get another one because the taste was different and you always have that one moment where you need something sour. I can attribute myself to being a Warhead. I am someone different that as soon as you meet me, you go WOW I don't really think I've seen anyone like her before, but even when times you think hey she might be a little too different for me, I do something that gets you coming back to me more and more until finally all you can say is wow what a great person I love her.
For myself though I believe I am truly acidic. My PH would probably be .1. I would describe my personality as the most acidic as I possibly could. I would describe it as acidic because when I think of basic I think of someone who follows the rules, never goes out of their comfort zone and really doesn't do things that make them stand out. When I think of acidic, I think of something that is bubbly, something you are afraid to touch but are still interested in touching, and someone who is more or less risky. I like to try new things and I am always aiming for different. Right now I am really interested in video games which I believe is something that can be fun for any type of person. My favorite game is Assassin's Creed but right now I am playing Call of Duty. I am trying to get out of my comfort zone of Assassin's Creed that uses stealth and swords and going for something different and not like any other video game I have ever played before. I am also really interested in bike riding. My friend Vanessa and I take our bikes and ride as far as we can. She does it more often than I do because I do not always have the time but when I do I like to go with her and go through a different route every time. Sometimes we will bike from my house to my former elementary while other times we will bike to the nearest store. The activity is something that builds up muscle and is fun. I can also be bubbly in the sense that I love people. I love to have interactions with different types of people because no one person acts like the next person. I am also happy 99.9% of the time and if you do see me sad it most likely will be for about an hour and I would have moved on and found something to be happy about. My favorite movie is Meet the Robinsons because I love the slogan they have that says "Keep Moving Forward". I like to follow the slogan whenever I can because I don't like to look back to something that can slow me down, I like to move forward and try to get over all the obstacles that are thrown my way. It doesn't mean that I forget my past it just means I learn how to deal and overcome them. Being acidic is not a bad thing it just means that you are different from others and sometimes your personality makes you who you are and you are able to stand out from all the rest so me saying that I am .1 on the pH scale, makes me happy and I smile at that number since my differences make me me.
