Writing Feedback / A concise narrative about an important event - UF Architecture college essay! [17]

The topic is:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

My essay:

If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. This is the lesson I have learned upon tearing my ACL last summer.

From the age of eight, gymnastics was my world. My goal from the start was to compete on the women's gymnastics team at the University of Florida. I have attended many summer camps at the UF campus. To me, UF has been my dream, my inspiration, and my motivation. I have, and still do, want nothing more than to be accepted into this college. On May 28, 2008, the last practice before Junior Olympic tryouts, I dismounted off the balance beam and with a loud pop, my life was changed forever. Shortly after hearing from the surgeon that I had torn my ACL and reconstruction surgery was required, I was needed to rethink my future. With a two-year recovery time recommended, Junior Olympics, hopes of moving up to the next level, and my dream of being a gymnast at UF disappeared. Getting back into the sport required time I did not have between AP classes and my new job.

Without gymnastics in the picture, academics became more prominent to me. I learned how to handle a greater workload and manage my money, time, and priorities. It was a slight change of plans but without it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. After all, being defeated is temporary, giving up makes it permanent. After some careful thinking about what's ahead, I decided to pursue a career in Architecture. I've always been interested in design and I believe the University of Florida can help me accomplish my dream of opening up my own business and helping others put their dream houses to life. I really want to make something of myself and I know the University of Florida is the gateway to making it happen.

This event in my life really allowed me to open up my eyes and prepare myself for the road ahead. My involvement in the Future Business Leaders of America at East Bay High School increased tremendously. I became Treasurer my junior year and now, as a senior, I am Vice President. I plan to continue my involvement at UF with Phi Beta Lambda. I am looking forward to becoming involved in the UF college experience to support the University and the community around it.

As a more honest and responsible student, I am more than willing to work my hardest in hopes of truly finding that rainbow, through the rain clouds and all.

Do i need to add another paragraph for the conclusion? Also is this a winning essay!? Thank you!