Undergraduate /
"Fleeting memories" - Are there any significant experiences you have had.... [16]
Thank you all for your feedbacks!
Yes, for some reason, everything I write comes out negative at the moment.
I'm starting to believe that I'm actually a very bitter person. :]]
Thank you so much really :]
Though I didn't change many things here, I tried to change the mood in the end to a positive one. And I hope that that paragraph is okay for an example.
Also, I removed 'ostracized'. And did a little bit of tweaks here and there.
I really hope this is already in the level of satisfactory because the deadline is tomorrow. XD.
I can't edit it anymore if I want to. But I really want to hear your opinions! :]
thank you again all so much!!
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Some people may associate the word stooge with the name Scrooge when heard for the first time-simply because it rhymes. Whereas I, the stooge that I was, wish that it really is-simply because at least I would've had my dignity back then.
Cold-hearted, tight-fisted and selfish-everything that I wasn't that some people took for granted; even those friends who I thought cared for me the most.
I was blind, naïve and basically believed the 'good' in every person. I love to help people. I love doing it so much that when I do, I indubitably lose sight of myself. I always believed in the adage "you reap what you sow". Despite knowing that in life that there are some bad seeds, I didn't mind as long as I kept caring for them- even if they didn't grow back.
I spent sleepless nights doing whatever what was asked of me. I slept so late at times that I even fail whatever exams that were put my way the next-or later that day. Despite the added workload, I still feel wholly contented that I am able to at least be of some use to someone. I wanted appreciation yet I still kept up a composed and happy façade. I felt that my hard work was overlooked.
My moment of epiphany came when I realized that the world did not move the same pace I did. They didn't slave themselves overnight for others to the point they couldn't keep their heads from falling the next day. They didn't even spend time sitting inside the classroom stressing themselves for others' requests whilst they see those same people outside, enjoying every second of the day. The blood had gone cold inside my numb hand. Over and over, the repeating scenarios, the blurring images inside and the torrent thoughts of resentment melded-facts came crashing down to reality.
My thoughts had began to change. The words of rejection that came out from my mouth felt so foreign yet fulfilling. I learned how to differ the rational from the irrational favors. Though it seems impudent, my little drop of ego had expanded to a puddle. I realized that some people were dependent on me-the same me who had thought of myself as someone who needed others to take care of her. But that wasn't actually the case. That wasn't it at all. I became extremely proud of this fact.
As a person, I know deserve respect. I believe that people should not strip away the dignity from the human, or the trust that has been, and will always be, the foundation of any social interaction. From the day of realization till present, this has been my own personal maxim.
People have varying concepts of kindness, and not all people have a sense of gratitude; whereas people can very easily put on false façades. With these thoughts in mind, one can't help but question if there are hidden motives behind their kind gestures or friendly actions. I also realized that people's behavior cannot be dictated by expectations. A good deed does not necessarily beget another good deed.
I unconsciously measure my self-worth in terms of how other people reciprocate my helpful actions. Thus, every time a deed goes unnoticed or is not duly acknowledged, I feel a tinge of sadness. What my previous experiences have taught me is that self-worth is not about how others treat you. It is about how you see yourself. My love for helping others is an underlying trait in me. Although I may not get the gratitude I expect, I will not allow this to influence how I see myself. Helping others is not about filling a void within your self. It is only when you love and respect yourself that you can truly be able to help others.
"You can only give away what you already have inside yourself."
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I want to slap myself. haha.
Thank you so much for your help!!
