meganjulia98
Sep 21, 2015
Undergraduate / Born by chance - Life's Obstacles Essay [2]
So I have started my admissions essay for UCF. I'm trying to make it interesting and not so ordinary. I also don't want it to be so common or basic and entice them to read it. I'm not 100% sure I accomplished that, but any advice for changes and editing would be greatly appreciated. I plan to write more .. examples about my qualities, to not just tell, but also show if it would be better and add more about me (towards the end, after the fish example - more like that). Please let me know! Thank you.
My essay -
Millions of babies are born by chance, but I was a direct result of prayer. My mother faced her difficulties in conceiving with heartfelt, unrelenting prayer and after three years, she was blessed with a baby boy, my big brother. Eleven months later and beyond her dreams, she had identical twin baby girls, and that is where my journey began. However, if you walked into a hospital room and the first thing your eyes see is a tiny baby with a needle protruding from her head, what would you make of her? If you'd see me now, all your previous thoughts would probably be blown away. I was born a premature twin, weighing only 2lb 14oz, needing a blood transfusion immediately and the only place able to insert the needle being the top of my head. After 47 days in the intensive care unit with my sister, we were finally able to go home.
Fast forward to about 8 years old. This was a time in my life where I was used to getting a candy from Publix at every visit. We had traditional vacations and road trips, but it all ended when my father's company closed. With only my mom's income as a teacher, we had to be extra cautious and always limit our spending. However, my intent isn't to drown you with melancholy, but to convey the reality that created the foundation for the strong, vibrant, resilient young woman that I am today. I have a need to achieve in anything I do, whether it be work or sports. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, which isn't too bad considering I put all I have into my work, making sure it's the best it could be. I'm undeniably determined, going above and beyond for what I care about and believe in. I once sat on a dock from 10am to 10pm until I caught a fish, the size not mattering. I felt sorry for it and threw it back, so that it could be that same test of endurance for someone else, but nonetheless, I conquered. I fought to get into this world and I fight for the blessings that lie in every opportunity. I bring that with me and share it selflessly with the world around me.
So I have started my admissions essay for UCF. I'm trying to make it interesting and not so ordinary. I also don't want it to be so common or basic and entice them to read it. I'm not 100% sure I accomplished that, but any advice for changes and editing would be greatly appreciated. I plan to write more .. examples about my qualities, to not just tell, but also show if it would be better and add more about me (towards the end, after the fish example - more like that). Please let me know! Thank you.
My essay -
Millions of babies are born by chance, but I was a direct result of prayer. My mother faced her difficulties in conceiving with heartfelt, unrelenting prayer and after three years, she was blessed with a baby boy, my big brother. Eleven months later and beyond her dreams, she had identical twin baby girls, and that is where my journey began. However, if you walked into a hospital room and the first thing your eyes see is a tiny baby with a needle protruding from her head, what would you make of her? If you'd see me now, all your previous thoughts would probably be blown away. I was born a premature twin, weighing only 2lb 14oz, needing a blood transfusion immediately and the only place able to insert the needle being the top of my head. After 47 days in the intensive care unit with my sister, we were finally able to go home.
Fast forward to about 8 years old. This was a time in my life where I was used to getting a candy from Publix at every visit. We had traditional vacations and road trips, but it all ended when my father's company closed. With only my mom's income as a teacher, we had to be extra cautious and always limit our spending. However, my intent isn't to drown you with melancholy, but to convey the reality that created the foundation for the strong, vibrant, resilient young woman that I am today. I have a need to achieve in anything I do, whether it be work or sports. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, which isn't too bad considering I put all I have into my work, making sure it's the best it could be. I'm undeniably determined, going above and beyond for what I care about and believe in. I once sat on a dock from 10am to 10pm until I caught a fish, the size not mattering. I felt sorry for it and threw it back, so that it could be that same test of endurance for someone else, but nonetheless, I conquered. I fought to get into this world and I fight for the blessings that lie in every opportunity. I bring that with me and share it selflessly with the world around me.
