Undergraduate / "valuable traits", "photographer" - Need help on revising two application essays [19]

Any suggestions about the flow of both essays and the grammar and punctuation would be much appreciated! Thanks so much! :-)

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Life is a delicate balance of elements that can change very quickly without warning. Like a calm before a storm. Everything seems fine, then before you know it a disruption comes along and alters everything. Opening your eyes to the fact that time in life is a precious thing and not something to take advantage of. This scenario that I speak of is too close to home for me. Let me explain. Up until the age of twelve I was relatively healthy. I was a happy, bubbly, confident young girl. I participated in school activities such as: talent shows, music lessons and plays. I went on ski trips, rode horse and occasionally went on bike rides with my family. Life was good. All of that soon got altered though when I ,along with my other two sisters, started to experience some health problems. Now instead of doing normal activities, most of our time was spent in doctors' offices searching for answers to our health problems. After going from doctor to doctor with no luck we finally stumbled upon a doctor that knew the answer. My sisters and I were diagnosed with Lyme Disease, a tick borne infection that creates havoc on your body depending on where it settles. It is a hard infection to deal with and at times you just want to give up. However, during those times of discouragement my family was always there for support. More specifically, the already close friendship that my sisters and I have shared together grew all the more stronger as we became more sensitive to each others needs. That in itself has been one thing that I can take out of this experience and treasure long after this hardship is over.

Eight years ago this journey started and even though my sisters and I are still on the road to healing I can still say that the light at the end of the tunnel has gotten closer. Due to the fact that we are now working with an excellent doctor that I am hoping will be the last step we have to take on reaching the end of our long, hard journey.This hardship though that I have had to go though has not been all unfortunate. In fact, this hardship has strengthened my character in many ways. It has taught me patience through these long years of trying to get well; it has taught me determination to keep on fighting and never ever quit; and lastly it has taught me perseverance when the journey gets tough. Furthermore, this hardship has also strengthen my relationship with my Lord and Savior that is Jesus Christ. Without him it would have been a much harder road to bear.

Lastly, through these years I was also able to really discover what I am good at and what I enjoy doing. Found out that it was photography. In the beginning it only started out as a hobby but now it is something that I really could see my self doing for a career for a very long while.

Now as I am starting this new journey in my life, that is college I hope to accomplish that goal.

Prompt #2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Ever since I was a young child the art of photography has interested me. The whole aspect of capturing the natural beauty of God's creation greatly intrigued me. For instance, whenever I got the chance to be in possession of a camera I would cut loose and shoot anything from my own pets to just nature in general. As years passed, that same raw interest has never faded; but only grew stronger. Now that I am older what used to be childs' play has now become my passion. I have invested much time in learning the art by experimenting and reading. However, I still have much to learn. Furthermore, after all these years of freelancing photography I have come to the point where my photography has caught the eyes of my fellow peers. This acknowledgement has encouraged me immensely in pursuing my dream of going into a career as a photographer. In addition to the fact that without realizing it photography has truly become apart of who I am. It has been my way of expressing myself as a person: A person that people have said, 'Knows how to capture the beauty on this earth; who can see the small details admist the larger landscape.' Furthermore, I hope that by this talent that God has given me, that is photography; I can inspire other people and give them joy. Therefore, by taking the art classes that UC merced offers I hope to broaden my outlook and thereby become a better photographer than before.