Undergraduate / U Mich Essay #1 on a community where I belong [9]

Sorry for the double post, and I hate to ask for too much-but now that it's a bit more polished, can anyone give me some feedback on lowering the word count without eliminating important details and such?

Undergraduate / U Mich Essay #1 on a community where I belong [9]

Wow, I think those are great additions. That's definitely a more elegant, subtle conclusion; I love it! Thank you so much for all of your help.

Undergraduate / U Mich Essay #1 on a community where I belong [9]

I have redrafted and added some things, thank you for your words of encouragement :).

Ten years ago, indissoluble bridges linked every house in my cul-de-sac. There was a strong sense of conviviality and a powerful camaraderie between the residences of Halsey Lane-doors always stood unlocked, and supper was often shared. My friends and I would even water each yard for free, as we were so fond of each others' families.

To me, the most memorable event that united our community was the annual pumpkin butchering. Every child, and some parents, partook in the massacre. We scattered guts and viscera upon the patio of Ms. Denis, the ever obliging host, and consumed the pumpkin bread which she seemed to supply endlessly. Being the oldest child there, I was always assigned the cleanup role. Reluctant but determined to fulfill an obligation, I would grab the mop and sweep up pumpkin bits. It was this carpe-diem event that always let me escape the troubles of day-to-day life and strengthen familial ties with my neighbors.

When my parents bought a new house on the other side of town, it felt like I had lost a brethren. The familiar surroundings of my cul-de-sac disintegrated and was replaced by a foreign street with new kids. I would retreat into my room and lounge upon the floor and throw open a book, immersing myself in various authors' worlds to distract myself from the despair and guilt of leaving my comrades.

The following October, I convinced my parents that we drive back to our old neighborhood for the pumpkin butchering. When we got there, old faces greeted me with cheeky smiles, tight bear hugs and a sign that said "Welcome Home". At that moment, I realized what an integral member of the gang I was. Seeing everyone back together again allayed the guilt I'd felt for leaving them. As I scrubbed pumpkin remains off the patio in the aftermath of the slaughter, I felt I was home again.

Since then, I've attended every butchering since I moved, and each time I'm reminded that the cul-de-sac of Halsey Lane is neither gone nor forgotten, and I know that the doors will stay unlocked for me.

Undergraduate / U Mich Essay #1 on a community where I belong [9]

Hello, thank you so much for your quick response! I completely understand everything you said; I'm just not sure how I can include the more meaningful relationship between my community and me without cutting out important details since I don't want to go too far over the word limit. Do you have any suggestions as to which parts can be cut out, etc? Again, thank you very much.