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Posts by rrjones79
Name: Robin R. Jones
Joined: Nov 7, 2015
Last Post: Nov 12, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: United States of America
School: Rio Salado Community College

Displayed posts: 2
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rrjones79   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Obesity, Type 2 Diabetes, and heart disease! Can sugar sweetened drinks be to blame? [3]

Hello there, thank you so much for going over my rough draft. I am going take the feedback you have given an assess it to restructuring my essay. I have one more favor to ask of you? If you have time, could you answer these questions pertaining to the essay. These are peer review questions that my instructor has indicated to be completed. I would really appreciate if you could? I will return the favor if I can. Please let me know?

1. What does the writer do well in this essay?

2. What does the writer need to work on in this essay?

3. State the main point of this essay.

4. Does the introduction grab your attention? Does it lead smoothly to a thesis? If not, what could the writer do to improve it?

5. What is the thesis statement? Does it contain a strong opinion and specific focus? Explain.

6. Does each paragraph develop one main idea? Describe the main idea of each paragraph (five words or less for each). Does each topic sentence tie back to the thesis?

7. Does the writer offer evidence for the points he or she makes in each paragraph? If so, is the evidence convincing?

8. Does the writer use transitions between paragraphs and ideas?

9. Does the conclusion briefly summarize in a fresh way the writer's main argument and then end on a memorable note (such as a quotation, thought, image, or call to action)? What is that memorable impression that the conclusion leaves?

10. Are quotations integrated smoothly? Do they flow with the grammar of the sentence? Are all quotations cited correctly?

11. Is there a Works Cited page reflecting each author quoted in the body of the essay? Are the entries of the Works Cited page in correct MLA format? Are they alphabetized? Does each entry have all the necessary citation information? Does the Works Cited section appear on its own page?

12. Is the essay formatted correctly (margins, font, spacing, etc.)? If not, what needs to be corrected?

13. Does the essay have a creative title that describes the purpose/point of the paper in a catchy, clear way?

14. Are there grammar and spelling errors in the essay?

15. If you were writing this essay, what would you do differently? Why?
rrjones79   
Nov 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Obesity, Type 2 Diabetes, and heart disease! Can sugar sweetened drinks be to blame? [3]

Hi, my name is Robin and this is my first time on this site. I am submitting my persuasive essay in hopes that someone can provide feedback, proofread, and make any suggestions that may improve my research paper. This is only the rough draft and I need this done as soon as possible. I plan to make improvements and also further extend it with other topics that may be of use. Can anyone please help me??? I will also return the favor if you would like.

Sugar sweetened drinks are harmful to health and should be consumed in moderation, if not totally excluded from nutriment intake. This deduction was met through careful study of more than a handful of scholarly journals, of considerable length and detail, as well as informed resources. With all efforts put forth, the information provided will bestow upon the intended audience all the health risks, sugar based drinks can cause and lasting effects. Further extending upon, remedial therapies in alleviating these detrimental health risks with diet and exercise. Especially targeting those habitual sugar drinkers and the many ailments it can trigger. Such as, obesity, Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and many other symptom related ailments. The informational channels presented in scope and length of extensive research, in which journalist Marcia Clemmitt is cited in the research article "Sugar Controversies," as stating, "The flap is part of a growing debate over the role of sugar in America's obesity crisis. Some analysts say excess calories from sugar in processed foods and, especially, beverages are the key culprit in the nation's sky high obesity rates and may play additional roles in triggering the rise of obesity-related diseases such as Type 2 diabetes and heart disease." Providing the reader an opportunity to relish in thought, and make an informed decision of their own of how to battle the growing obesity rate. With consideration to the primary objective, of sugar sweetened drinks and thorough research that has been assessed, and develop your own informed decision of sugar sweetened drinks and how they tie in to the detrimental epidemic of obesity and related risk factors. Preliminary findings, through scientific study, have objectively named sugary beverages as the primary cause of obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.

Sugary beverages and obesity have been linked together, and has become a controversial issue of debate. Type 2 diabetes and heart disease are just two of the common ailments that can also is induced from obesity. Some would argue that sugar sweetened beverages are an enticing substance of pleasure. By which most have assumed to be a masked culprit coated with sweetness, as the number one leading cause of obesity. As stated by Dr. Frank B. Hu in the research based article of The American Heart Association Circulation Journal, titled, "Sugar-Sweetened Beverages, Obesity, Type 2 Diabetes Mellitus, and Cardiovascular Disease Risk," states, "In the setting of a pandemic of obesity and related chronic diseases, the American Heart Association recently released a scientific statement recommending reductions in added-sugar intake to no more than 100 to 150 kcal/d for most Americans. The statement identified sugar-sweetened beverages (SSBs) as the primary source of added sugars in the American diet." Hu and fellow researchers analyzed data through careful research findings associated to similar cohort studies in the explanation of how sugar sweetened beverages can be a leading determinant to obesity and other ailing health risks, such as type 2 diabetes and coronary heart disease.

In spite of other analysts who suggest sugary beverages are not the only determining factor or cause of obesity, which indicates the heightened epidemic can be brought on from many other variabilities. The substance under attack has been deemed problematic without regard for other determining health factors such as depression, medication side effects, genetics, and other debilitating conditions. As tabulated in "Sugar Controversies," as cited by journalist Marcia Clemmitt, "Moreover, a group of medical scholars and statisticians who reviewed existing research argued that excessive focus on sugar consumption and declining exercise rates have diverted research attention from other potential obesity causes. Those include infections, sleep deprivation, exposure to environmental chemicals and side effects of common medications such as antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs and some treatments for high blood pressure and diabetes." Sugar based beverages may be blamed inaccurately due to obesity contributing factors which can also be caused by diverse symptom related effects. Which may be due to lifestyle changes of various sorts relating to medical constrictions of mobility. However, longitudinal data suggests that high intake of sugar sweetened drinks of any person can bring on an onslaught of higher caloric count and increased weight gain.

Secondly, research shows intake of excessive amounts of sugar sweetened drinks overtime can cause detrimental discern in onset of type 2 diabetes. An estimate of approximately 17 million people have developed type 2 diabetes. Excessive weight gain and poor diet can potentially raise increased sugar glucose levels produced from carbohydrate intake. Dually stated, in the "American Diabetes Association Complete Guide to Diabetes," in part states, "The most important environmental trigger of type 2 diabetes appears to be obesity. Obesity is defined as having a body mass index of 30 or greater." Which imposes a developing caloric count in addition to sugar sweetened drinks and high calorie foods ingested decreasing insulin needed to transfer glucose normally to cells. Fats deposits stored in cells can also cause an onset of insulin resistance and build up in the blood stream. (The American Diabetes Association 2005). Which in turn, can cause poor circulation and nerve damage.

Nonetheless, comparative studies correlate specific sugar based drinks can contribute least to the complications of type 2 diabetes and weight gain. A controlled diet with various fruit juices containing 100% fruit juice and no additive sugars can have the least harmful affect to persons suffering from type 2 diabetes and obesity. Fruit juices containing high fructose corn syrup or added sugars can add to calories consumed from food and increase blood glucose at a considerable level. However, natural sugars are still considered to also increase blood glucose level but with less incident of health risk. Nutritional values can also be met in coffee, teas, and water, as healthier options, if frequently substituted in place of a sugar sweetened beverage. Controlling dietary calorie intake by reducing sugar sweetened drinks and maintaining a balanced glucose level is vital for anyone who is borderline or diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

Thirdly, risk of heart disease remains high, and can follow in effect of heighten intake, of sugar based beverages. Complications from obesity and diabetes can take on a chain reaction of high blood pressure and metabolic abnormalities which can raise triglyceride levels that may induce a fatty liver and increased risk of coronary cardiovascular disease. Which corresponds with a research based study of sugar sweetened drinks and ailing factors in "The American Diabetes Association Diabetes Care Journal," titled, "Sugar-Sweetened Beverages and Risk of Metabolic Syndrome and Type 2 Diabetes A meta-analysis," by corresponding author Dr. John B. Hu, "Fructose is preferentially metabolized to lipid in the liver, leading to increased hepatic de novo lipogenesis, the development of high triglycerides, low HDL cholesterol, small, dense LDL, atherogenic dyslipidemia, and insulin resistance." Which correlates with nationwide longitudinal studies that also conclude the same resulting factors. Sugar sweetened beverages that contain high fructose corn syrup follows added caloric count to any carbohydrates and the sugars consumed. Resulting in a high glycemic load of broken down sugar glucose and high fructose corn syrup from sugar sweetened beverages. The effects of long term satiety can often bring forth metabolic abnormalities of; insulin resistance; B-Cell dysfunction; inflammation; hypertension; and visceral adiposity. Ultimately, leading to cardiovascular disease.

On the other hand, physical activity and dietary changes can prevent and promote wellness against obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. Simply, by replacing sugar sweetened beverages containing high fructose corn syrup, and supplementing water, can decrease health risk factors. These physical ailments of disease have taken over many lives in being less energy driven. Taking initiative and involving physical activity and proper diet simultaneously, or at least small changes in diet, can also establish healthful goals of detracting clogged arteries. In managing normal circulation of blood vessels leading to the heart. We only have one heart so it is imperatively vital throughout our daily lives to implement physical activity for normal circulatory flow as stated in, "THE AMERICAN DIABETES ASSOCIATION 21 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT DIABETES and your HEART," by author Jill Weisenberger, also complies under clinical criteria of physical activity, "It may be that physical activity is the body's greatest medicine. Regular moderate-to-vigorous physical activity helps prevent heart and blood vessel disease, improves insulin sensitivity, aids with weight management, helps control blood cholesterol and blood pressure levels, lowers risk for cancer and dementia, and so much more." Physical activity and providing a mapped out calorie counting tool for healthy eating in taking preventive measures can reduce risk of weight control.

Lastly, the long lasting effects of sugar sweetened beverages of continual intake can take on the form of a contaminant toxin of great health risk in regard to obesity, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. On a positive note, these ailing factors can be controlled, and living a healthy lifestyle can be regained. Many people who have been stricken with uncontrollable weight and related diseases may not realize how much of a negative role sugar sweetened drinks can have. A call to action in responsible intake of sugar based drinks should be taken seriously to avoid any further risk of imposing obesity, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. Small improvements can make a huge impact in sustaining life from these terrible diseases, and be very beneficial, by making healthier options at one's own pace.
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