CindyWang98
Dec 9, 2015
Undergraduate / Why Swarthmore? International student writing about political liberal [5]
Hi, Ivy,
Thanks a lot for your advice! I do will work on my expressions and details to make it more convincing and powerful. But your words remind me of something I had in mind when I first wrote this essay. I'll really appreciate it if you can help viewing my thoughts.
At the very beginning, I was thinking of a more personal, more narrative approach. Swarthmore is really a special school to me. From the first day I decided to go to US for college, I dreamed of studying at Swarthmore. I wanted to write about how I told the reporter that my dream school is Swarthmore College in the very first interview in my life (while the usual choices among kids are Tsinghua University, Peking University, or HYP for students going abroad,) how my debate coach (who is a Swarthmore alumni) amazed and influenced me with the things he learnt and his experience at Swarthmore, and how I made every effort trying to visit Swarthmore during my summer school in Boston but finally failed to get dean's permission to leave (I was under 18 and had no company for that travel then.) These might be little details but that makes my obsession with Swarthmore looks alive. I don't know whether the school will regard it as minute, unnecessary, overly emotional details, or something with strong emotional connection.
I asked my school English teacher to view my essay (We have no counselor, obviously, in the traditional curriculum Chinese high school I attend.) She thought these details were unnecessary and unsuitable to a only 250 words essay. She suggested me to write something conclusive and shows my understanding of the school. I took her advice and wrote the essay above, for she is really experienced and sent her own daughter to Swarthmore (though she didn't attend Swarthmore and chose Harvard, and that was in 2011.) But your words suddenly remind me of my original thoughts.
If you got something and comment on my thoughts, I will really appreciate it a lot.
Hi, Ivy,
Thanks a lot for your advice! I do will work on my expressions and details to make it more convincing and powerful. But your words remind me of something I had in mind when I first wrote this essay. I'll really appreciate it if you can help viewing my thoughts.
At the very beginning, I was thinking of a more personal, more narrative approach. Swarthmore is really a special school to me. From the first day I decided to go to US for college, I dreamed of studying at Swarthmore. I wanted to write about how I told the reporter that my dream school is Swarthmore College in the very first interview in my life (while the usual choices among kids are Tsinghua University, Peking University, or HYP for students going abroad,) how my debate coach (who is a Swarthmore alumni) amazed and influenced me with the things he learnt and his experience at Swarthmore, and how I made every effort trying to visit Swarthmore during my summer school in Boston but finally failed to get dean's permission to leave (I was under 18 and had no company for that travel then.) These might be little details but that makes my obsession with Swarthmore looks alive. I don't know whether the school will regard it as minute, unnecessary, overly emotional details, or something with strong emotional connection.
I asked my school English teacher to view my essay (We have no counselor, obviously, in the traditional curriculum Chinese high school I attend.) She thought these details were unnecessary and unsuitable to a only 250 words essay. She suggested me to write something conclusive and shows my understanding of the school. I took her advice and wrote the essay above, for she is really experienced and sent her own daughter to Swarthmore (though she didn't attend Swarthmore and chose Harvard, and that was in 2011.) But your words suddenly remind me of my original thoughts.
If you got something and comment on my thoughts, I will really appreciate it a lot.
