marleeeeenx
Jan 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'A shrill cry echoed in the mist' - Descriptive piece inspired by gothic horror [2]
A shrill cry echoed in the mist, getting louder and louder as I walked further into the distance, carelessly stepping on the spindly branches on the ground. The darkness that had been overwhelming the sky for hours only seemed to intensify with each step I took and my lungs were filled with the smell of death and fear that were hanging in the air. The autumn wind howled, sounding like laughter to my panicking mind as I had found myself thinking about the tragic days of my childhood that had now damaged me irreparably. My thoughts were soon intruded though, as a sudden boisterous screech came from afar, seeming to awaken the graphite sky with shocks of bright lightning strikes that sent shivers down my spine.
Behind a collection of weary and ancient oak trees shined a delicate light, seemingly from a lantern, informing me that I had reached my destination. The lightning uncovered the outline of the mansion and it was evident that time had performed irretrievable deeds upon my childhood home, making me reminisce the moments I once cherished.
I made my way into the house, the door loudly creaking upon my gentle touch.
The brown wooden boards screeched with every step I took, waiting to unveil the secrets contained between these walls. I took a moment to listen to the rain that was hitting dismally against the panes, staring at the pieces of glass that were dropping one by one, pushed away from their place by the violent droplets.
That only lasted for so long though, once the loud cries of pain reached me from a distance. A cool shudder trickled down my spine as the sombre portraits on the wall seemed to be staring deep into my soul behind layers of dust. My heart began pumping incredibly fast as I stood still in my position, petrified and unable to move a single bone in my body. It continued, continued and continued - getting closer to me each second, louder in my ears. Whispers of long-dead children echoed with the sounds of footsteps that seemed to be coming from nowhere, the room immersing in darkness more and more.
Suddenly, a white shade stood before me, its eyes gleaming with feelings of sadness and betrayal all at once, yet they were still as empty as the nothingness from which she came.
As I looked at her, mesmerized by her presence, she pierced me with her glistening emerald stare that seemed to bore into the very depths of my soul. Its crimson and black dress was adorned with golden roses intertwined into a lace border and with each move she made, the dress flowed around her beautifully, making it seem as if she was floating weightlessly across the room. Confusion and fear were the only emotions running through my mind yet I couldn't run. I couldn't scream. I stood still transfixed in my position, feeling hypnotized by her being. She seemed desperate to finally communicate with someone, her whispers sounding like the soft susurrations of wind in the trees, but in a split second all of my astonishment had vanished. Her voice became more sharply focused and the soft whispers turned to raspy groans of incomprehensible speech. "Y-you..you" she finally stuttered, with her shadow slowly fading into thin air. I screamed at the top of my lungs, yet heard nothing in the overwhelming darkness.
I wanted to free myself from this agony that fulfilled me and the anxiety that was taking over my whole body, making me shudder uncontrollably. My feet were moving as fast as ever, sprinting towards the door only to have it shut right in front of my face. Nightmares, to me, were always things concocted in one's mind but this went against everything I ever believed in. There was someone out for revenge, out for death and blood.
I turned around, only to see the crimson dress flowing along with the wind in front of my eyes again. She advanced slowly, her hands trembling --
It doesn't have an ending yet because I'm not sure as to how I want it to end but any feedback would be appreciated - it's a part of my English coursework. Thanks in advance :)
A shrill cry echoed in the mist, getting louder and louder as I walked further into the distance, carelessly stepping on the spindly branches on the ground. The darkness that had been overwhelming the sky for hours only seemed to intensify with each step I took and my lungs were filled with the smell of death and fear that were hanging in the air. The autumn wind howled, sounding like laughter to my panicking mind as I had found myself thinking about the tragic days of my childhood that had now damaged me irreparably. My thoughts were soon intruded though, as a sudden boisterous screech came from afar, seeming to awaken the graphite sky with shocks of bright lightning strikes that sent shivers down my spine.
Behind a collection of weary and ancient oak trees shined a delicate light, seemingly from a lantern, informing me that I had reached my destination. The lightning uncovered the outline of the mansion and it was evident that time had performed irretrievable deeds upon my childhood home, making me reminisce the moments I once cherished.
I made my way into the house, the door loudly creaking upon my gentle touch.
The brown wooden boards screeched with every step I took, waiting to unveil the secrets contained between these walls. I took a moment to listen to the rain that was hitting dismally against the panes, staring at the pieces of glass that were dropping one by one, pushed away from their place by the violent droplets.
That only lasted for so long though, once the loud cries of pain reached me from a distance. A cool shudder trickled down my spine as the sombre portraits on the wall seemed to be staring deep into my soul behind layers of dust. My heart began pumping incredibly fast as I stood still in my position, petrified and unable to move a single bone in my body. It continued, continued and continued - getting closer to me each second, louder in my ears. Whispers of long-dead children echoed with the sounds of footsteps that seemed to be coming from nowhere, the room immersing in darkness more and more.
Suddenly, a white shade stood before me, its eyes gleaming with feelings of sadness and betrayal all at once, yet they were still as empty as the nothingness from which she came.
As I looked at her, mesmerized by her presence, she pierced me with her glistening emerald stare that seemed to bore into the very depths of my soul. Its crimson and black dress was adorned with golden roses intertwined into a lace border and with each move she made, the dress flowed around her beautifully, making it seem as if she was floating weightlessly across the room. Confusion and fear were the only emotions running through my mind yet I couldn't run. I couldn't scream. I stood still transfixed in my position, feeling hypnotized by her being. She seemed desperate to finally communicate with someone, her whispers sounding like the soft susurrations of wind in the trees, but in a split second all of my astonishment had vanished. Her voice became more sharply focused and the soft whispers turned to raspy groans of incomprehensible speech. "Y-you..you" she finally stuttered, with her shadow slowly fading into thin air. I screamed at the top of my lungs, yet heard nothing in the overwhelming darkness.
I wanted to free myself from this agony that fulfilled me and the anxiety that was taking over my whole body, making me shudder uncontrollably. My feet were moving as fast as ever, sprinting towards the door only to have it shut right in front of my face. Nightmares, to me, were always things concocted in one's mind but this went against everything I ever believed in. There was someone out for revenge, out for death and blood.
I turned around, only to see the crimson dress flowing along with the wind in front of my eyes again. She advanced slowly, her hands trembling --
It doesn't have an ending yet because I'm not sure as to how I want it to end but any feedback would be appreciated - it's a part of my English coursework. Thanks in advance :)
