Undergraduate / Temple transfer essay from a biology major [4]

I was looking to transfer to temple university, we have a requirement of writing a personal statement.The prompt I chose is about attending your 10-year reunion and you have to write a one page speech on your accomplishments over the past ten years. Has to be a minimum of 250 words. Any advising or feedback would help, thank you!

Temple University is the center of Philadelphia, to humans, the center of us is our heart. I compare Temple to this because the heart has ventricles which pumps blood throughout your body. This university pumps important traits such as confidence, knowledge, and ambition throughout the city and wherever their students travel to. Reflecting on the past 10 years from graduating from Temple University, I can say that I have made countless accomplishments. The first being that I graduated with a B.S in biology.

I've learned that personal accomplishments come first, and professional accomplishments follow. My first year of college it seemed as if my heart had an abnormal rhythm, there was a block on my potential. Reviewing temple's mission statement, I knew that was the school I belonged at. Becoming more involved with my community put me at ease, joining a sorority and multiple clubs, such as the American Medical Student Association brought my heart back to a healthy rhythm.

Without Temple bringing me back to a normal rhythm, my potential was unblocked and I wouldn't have found the confidence to minor in business and attend graduate school. Making advances in medical field is difficult, so I'm very proud to say I have opened my own medical spa after working in the dermatology field. Temple made me retain the traits of knowledge, confidence, and ambition. I plan to pass these traits to others because I am Temple Made.